~It is coming to the end...~

2007 and 2008, it just a number different, but there have 365 different days~

can i know what is the speed of every day? just too soon for me, few more hours to go, another new year, is coming to town~

yeah, everything related to 2007, were ended and going to the end...

i'd changed a new hairstyle two days ago~ i don't really like it, but at least, it was a good try~ it's easy to step in the saloon n chose a nice seat, but it was so hard to make a decision wat style u going to change~ so i said, it was a good try~ bcoz, i made it~ i'd gone thru it~ i took it, as my last challenge of the year 2007~

tat's my way to welcome a new year~

2007, not really a bad year for me~ there are still a lot of unforgettable memories~ i met many new friends~ i did awesome works~ i went to the first prom nite in my life~ ...... there were something tat i cant describe by using words~ but i wil, remember it, forever~

2008, i wish what i wish will become true~

let bygones, be bygones~ im stil growing up~ there is another year, waiting for me~ no matter good day or bad day, enjoy or torture~ i wil just face it, with a real me~

i hope, i can do my very best~

yeah, im ready, to say bye to 2007, say hi to 2008!

~Truth...~

everyone is trying hard to find the truth, but what is the truth that we want to know?

there are question marks in everywhere, and i believe the truth, hiding underneath the surface~ We can get to know it, if we finding it~

No matter what is the truth~ it has a power, to influence our emotions~

There is a truth, which we hardly understand~

I tried hard before, but i gave up~

Because, what i left when i discovered the truth, just disappointment~

Plz do not look down at anyone around you~ You can help them improve, but not with the stupid ego words~

I, can survive~

~Raining Season~

great day always passing so fast~ Like today, the moment i woke up on my bed, i know, today going to be a good day for me~

no doubt, is raining outside~ N i like it~ I like raining~

i have a good mood, thx for the weather~

but i dun even realized, now is already noon n is ending~ i stil havent take my lunch~ haha~

after yday, i told myself, i gonna change~

So, here I am~ a new me~ thx for everything~

Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell....Xmas, is coming, too~

a very special season of mine~

~没有，为什么~

i finding a reason~ i am searching for an answer~ my heart is still pounding, but anyone can tel me, when will it just stop without a sign?

i hate this feeling, with uncertainty~ i feel tat im useless, with a helpless soul~

when the day we found its existence, would it be too late for us to do something?

as long as i still can breathe, with wide open eyes, but who can tell me, my heart will stop pounding the next second i breathe~

It's enough!!! i hate the panic when i feel im still alive~

Don't be so cruel to our human beings~ At least show us some signs~ at least give us more time to get prepare~ at least lead us where we go after life~ at least, let us know~

im sick of it~ i thought i am recovering~ But when i have the hopes, *BOM* ~ again, i lost~ lost everything~

i wanna go bac home~

i wanna have some rest in my life~

i....cant bear it up~

~Now on...~

i do believe in fate and faith~

been so many days, my life, wasnt my days at all~

Sometimes i juz wondering, y do i so mind about wat other ppl said?

that's none of their business but mine~ im the one who should handle all these~ so, from now on, i wan to become a brand new me~

i do believe in myself~ but today, juz today, i was in the mood who wanna ignore the outside world~ i hate everything i saw n everything i heard~ watever, juz watever~

is really damn tiring if every single things i need to think again n again~ no point, isnt it?

okay~ take everything easy, make life easier~

juz follow my gut feelings~ everything wil going fine~

i decided~ so pray hard for me~

all the best everyone~

To my Angeline, believe in me, everything going to be alright~ stay happy and believe in faith~

~C, im not always pessimistic~

oh yeah~ woohoo~ feeling good when sweating.... juz after playing badminton with my best buddy~

well, i really should do sport more frequently~ last time, there were always lot of excuses, asthma la, this la, that la...now i dun care ady, i can do watever i wan.....include the sports i like~

i miss the time while jogging with my mum n dad......i miss the time we played badminton at least once a week with my cousin.........i miss those days running on the field during every PJ periods.......basketball, netball, squash.......wow~ n i wont forget hiking as well~

yeah, i really wish tat i can juz b a young ppl and full of energetic......i love sports, but y i juz keep giving myself a lot of excuses? i should do something and try my very best......

okay, deal~ i decided, i wil take part in sports carnival next year......

a lot of new things waiting me discover them. i wan to change, i wan to try something new......

and a brand new me, will be exist......^^v

~I Doubt....~

i was in the room, with a throng of new faces. I did not know, since when, i started to fear of this kind of environment~

i smiled, i said something~ but i still, not comfortable with this place. coz, i din feel tat i belongs to one of them~

i was lik waiting for something i dun even know wat is tat......my name? hope? or wat?

tat's not important for me, juz i started to doubt, bout my capability~

it's tat something tat i did had not been satisfied by others? or wat i should do but i din?

it's okay~ i told myself.....not a big deal~ juz a failure tat i'd long time never met~

so i tel myself, there r still waiting for me at somewhere.....

~Numb3rs~

again~ something tat i cant find a way out~

well, the moment i get to know the numbers, i kept silence~ coz i think there's the way, to cover, the disappointment of mine~

juz wonder y, n i was doubting~ my problem? perhaps~

But one thing for sure, i done all the best of mine, tat wat i can do ~

anyway, jz trying not to think the same thing~ same way~

i should learn how to c thing differently~

again, dun show me the same face~ dun think wat u thinking about me ~ the more you wan to show ur generous, the more i feel ur happiness~ n the more, i feel u being sarcastic~

juz the numbers, wat do i thinking tat much?

it's not worth it~ to waste my time n strengths to think all these~
so i should stop, stop doubting myself~

im learning, not to care~

~Say hi to November~

do u feel tat? time, is speeding~

not fair isnt it? we r not allow speeding on the highway, but y time is allowed?

watever~

It's a new month~ Everytime when i feel my bday is coming soon, i know, year of 2007, is ending~

watever it is, today, when i opened my eyes n realized today is the first day of a new month, i decided, i wan to change, change to better life~

It's a good thought, i think~

Enjoy dude~

~It's time...~

yeah, here again~

well, everyone has their own future, n wat about mine? i think, it's time to think....think deeply about my future~

i dun even realize that, it is time~

yday, the person in charge of University South Australia paid a visit to my college and so there was a chance given for those student who would lik to study there to ask her plenty of questions. so i was there~

my mind start to imagine....all the stuff about the decision will be made.....

watever the decision will be...i wan to change my life....i wan to have some different....i dun wan to disappoint anyone who love me....i dun wan to miss the chance......

i hate to compare, i hate to make a decision which i will never regret....

but it's hard....so hard........

~Differences~

when a person in a bad mood or not enough sleep, normally they will act extremely different~ tat's wat i found, in me~

watever, there are many differences in our lives.....different ppl, different brain, different thought, different reaction......bla....bla.....bla......we cant expect anything of these....it's hard to predict......

recently, i dunno y do i so mind...when someone keep reminding bout how different am i with other girls....well, i wonder.....i dun think tat there are two different people who totally the same.....everyone has their unique, isnt it? so it's tat my fault?

i dun care how different am i~ but someone made me wonder~ do they have a brain as well?

i do hav a brain, n a heart~ i might look like a tough gal, but yet, im stil a gal~ dun think tat i dun mind~

mayb it's different, but i stil da same~

~y is tat so hard?~

why is tat so hard for me to take everything easy?

it's a long night for me...really long night~ n i wonder why~

is tat really hard for someone living their days all alone? i hate to find no one to talk to sometimes~ no one will be so kind wasting their precious lifetime juz listen to my making sense theories... they are not anyone of me, n it really made me ympathize myself~ am i really tat pity gal?

i get used to it, din i? n so y is tat so hard for me?

it's okay, isnt it?

i strong enough and so do not need to share every little thing to anyone~ i can juz keep it to myself~

dun looking at me as u think~ im not naked, n i hav a brain~

~Caffein...~

have u tried tat u do something without go thru you brain? or say something juz slip out your tongue? recently, i always~ n i dunno why~

yday, i was chatting with my fren, n he mentioned bout coffee~ he reminded me, how long tat i din drink coffee? it's really long long ago~ without think twice, i went into kitchen n get a pack of 3 In 1 Hazelnut White Coffee~ boiled the water and after few minutes the coffee was served~ it's really a nice taste, n i really like it~ n the time i sipped and finished the coffee~ i regretted~

i realized, i stil da same old me, i thought, i was changed...but i din~ i stil the same~

y am i so careless? y am i never care bout myself? can i forgive this mistake? ya, of coz, juz a little small mistake i did, but wat made me such a bad feeling? juz a little phobia~

i had forgotten my mum warning me not to drink a cup of coffee all by myself, coz im not able to do so~ the consequences after i drink it, i wil only get nausea, dizzy and feeling not well~ again, i suffering with all these for my whole night~ i deserved it~

it's been a long time i suffered with health problems~ when can i stop it?

~Why...~

here i am again~ n plz dun expect im going to share ady happy fairytales~ i do not hav any~ n normally when i came here, most probably all bout my feelings n emotions~ sorry, if i disappointed u~

everyone has their diff style for blogging~ i do hav my own style as well~ if u wan to critique or watever, ur business~ me express myself, is mine business~ do i juz mind my own business~

dunno y, juz dunno y, very weird but stupid feeling existed again~ which i hate it, really hate it~

evening, suddenly wan to find some pic n so i opened my folders, n i found, alot of memorable pics~ for anyone who had taken pic with me, must be my frenz~ here is my theory~ some, stil hanging around with me, but some, none~ diff categories tat i can categorize with the levels of keeping in touch with me, there are always, sometimes, seldom, rarely and even none~

i juz feel uncomfortable n upset~ everybody is changing, even me myself~ we used to be so close to each other, but y there is no more for now?

i can do something for it, i suppose, but i juz din do anything n standing at the same place~ everyone is moving n where am i? the feeling is so hurt~ deeply~ but i understand~

i understand tat everyone has diff life, diff stories in every single day, diff ppl they met, diff things they experienced with.....all juz so different~ n mine diff with them as well~ nothing tat i can do to change it~ even if i try hard to change, there is no point anymore~ really~

am i able to cope it? i need time~ the more tat i can hav~

~I'd been awaken when September was ended~

for almost 19 years, i still cant figure out, why, time passed so fast n yet no one can slow it down~ i wan to stop it if i can, but i know, it's impossible~

so now, another new month begin~ It's October~ i dunno y, y it is so hard for me to believe today is the 2nd day of the 10th month~ 2007, almost end~ n im getting old~

i din mean to be so pessimistic, but juz wat my true feeling~ complicated feeling~ trying to simplify it~ if u can help?

finally finished my essay for PSY103, i din know y i used so much time to complete it~ anyway, i still done one of my missions~ yeah, juz one of it~

yday b4 i went to bed, i watched one of the episodes of Grey Anatomy 1st season~ finally i finished downloaded it, so i watch it~ juz first episode, i thx god tat im not a medical students so im not a doctor-to-be~ it will be a nightmare for me, i can assure this~ really proud of my best buddies, who studying medical one in Russia n one in Indonesia~ 2 little poor girls, no, i cant call them lik tat anymore. they stronger than any others~ Doctor, wat a mighty ambition which not everyone can afford to~

i used to dream to be a doctor when i was a St.John member~ it's feel great when i succeeded to stop the bleeding~ it's feel great when someone say thx to u~ it's really great, but i din know since when, i got blood phobia~

but i think the most toughest to be a doctor is when face the life n death~ how r u going to tel patients' family that their love one is passed away? how r u going to handle if someone in front of u struggling to survive but yet a long beep sound show tat he was failed n died?

i start to worry, since now im a psychology student, am i able to control my emotions n feelings? if someone tel me their prob, i need to be tough to let them rely on me, but how if i cry with them? if someone i has counseled b4 end up with suicide? arh... watever, juz watever~

stop to think too much~

i cant handle it now but mayb in the future, i can~ no one knows wat going to happen in the next second~ will b alright~ it's okay~

~No more bad lucks...plz~

it's been a long time i din updated my blog here~

it's so hard for me to describe my life recently....

i dunno wat wrong with me, but im sure, devil is always with me~ n caused all the bad things happened on me~

i wonder how could it happened? so unfair~

watever, i keep telling myself, take all these as my challenges~ wil b alright~ wil b alright~

at least, there is someone, always support me~

~I need a break~

is tat insane to ask for more time given? i wonder.... but i really need more time~

assignments due date all pack together, everytime i look at the calendar with colourful marks with diff colour highlight pens. i feel stress~

it's enuff, i wan to shout tis out loud~ by the time i wan to shout, scream hardly as i can, my mind think deeply, can i really blame on time but not me? im the one who feel lazy sometimes, i was the one who delayed the works. so all were my fault~ aiks.....

now at home, so of coz wat i feel juz home sweet home~ i wan to hav a short break, but y i stil keep myself sitting in front of the comp n staring at the screen? it hurts my eyes, and my back~

okay, i keep telling msysel, i stil hav time~ no matter how i mourn or how i blame, the clock stil ticking round n round~ so im gotta do something, for no regret~

~Famine 30++ hour....~

Sunday, it's really an unforgettable day for me~ but not only becoz of i went tis camp.......

well, it's really great experience to join this 30 hour famine camp....As a volunteer and chose to be a group leader~ it was my first time to join this camp, n gonna b a leader, totally not an easy task...but it's challenging~

the more details and photos, plz visit www.wretch.cc/blog/abbytan~

n so right after the camp, when i on my way bac....i lost my wallet.......!!!!

yeah, sad thing.....i need few more days to accpet the truth thoroughly~ many things i need to be done~ aiks......

wil b alright i think~ wil b okay~ thx to everyone....to be with me~

~I need some rest n giv me a silence nite~

these few days, something goes wrong with me~ i feel it, but i cant say it~

i know tat im not the only one, among all of us, who is the one has the problem? or all of us? i wonder...~

it was irritable, when my ears cant bear the noises~ every single word went inside my ears was hurtful~ y i bear it in mind? it's not good for my health n soul...not good, yeah....it's not good~

im trying to simplify all complicated stuffs, n remind myself tat's nothing~

i hate the feeling of uncertainty~no matter wat i doing, wat i thinking, the clock still running, the days gone day by day, n i hav no time to complete my works, but the calendar on my desk keep reminding me how many days i left, the feeling is juz lik im waiting for devil to bring me go far far away, there is place, call hell~

can i juz stop it? stop everything....stop the earth turning round n round....~ juz, plz stop~

watever, i gotta rest a while..n refresh my mind~

2ml im going to 30 hour famine, as a group leader, i know tat is a challenge for me~ juz hope everything goes smoothly....everything will b alright~

so plz giv me a silent nite~

~Yesterday, 911~

do u still remember? 11th of September....a day, a history, a legend and a gal, a fren, came from a paradise....

911, was a terror, but it doesnt affect me much, coz in this day, all my frenz n family still with me~

but 911, is a day, i wil never forget~ it's a special day, of my best fren now in heaven~ she is my angel~

My angel, i sent u a letter, i'd written down all i wan to say, plz make sure, u read it~

Happy Birthday, Heng Yee~

i miss u so much~ as i promised u years before, when i think of u, i din cry, but i smile~ i did it~ it wont be sad anymore after u left me for years, but i do miss u, really miss~

always take gd care, okay? stay cute~

luv ya~

~Not now....~

yeah..got cha~

2day, i heard tis word for few times....the MCs really talked a lot but they were funny~ ^^

yeah, i went to the training of 30 hour famine for volunteers at Bukit Jalil~ everything was okay, until i fell down on da floor n sprained my right leg....then met a guy which i kinda scare of when the training came to the end...everything seemed wrong...til now~

i dunno whether i should say something at this moment....i dun think i should, if not, i wil regret for whole of my life~

i know me well, i cant think positively when i feeling not well, feeling not uncomfortable....there r something tat we should or shouldnt say.....but it's hard to decide n differentiate~ i need to be alone~ i need to rest my mind n my physical body~

it's my fault, i know it longer than everyone else... n everything i did something without go thru my mind, i do feel bad n guilty~ it's enuff to feel tat way.... really enuff~ i wil hate myself even more~ it's right to voice out from our heart.... i understand....~

watever, juz watever.... it's not important at all~ i had decided, then y i stil make it complicated? it din serve any purpose~

sorry, i lost the only way to voice out~ i think, it's al my fault~ i shouldnt, from the very beginning...........~

~I think i....~

It's been a long time i din feel this way...well, how long? i dun even know how many years....

i hate tis feeling, although it feels good sometimes...coz i was lost n nervous...i dunno wat i should or shouldnt do...even care bout my every step....am i walk in proper way? haha....watever.....tat moment, i care bout wat other think bout me~

i do believe in fate, wat we called in chinese is 'Yuan'....i always believe tat, tat's the thing why two diff ppl can meet each other, why we have frenz, y we have our family members, n why we find a life partner.....there r not only 2 ppl exist in a whole world, it's fate bring us together......do u agree? or do u hav any more scientific theory to explain this? plz tel me.....

since i shifted to here, everyday i gotta take lrt n bus, the more ppl i wil c exp when i hav morning class which is the peak time for always every public transportations...i like to observe, i like to c diff ppl in diff behaviors....but the journey is tiring, esp when met the unfriendly stranger or driver....ok, come to my point, so all these ppl who had taken the same train or same bus with me, once n several times or always, is tat means tat tis is fate? i wonder......haha~

watever, today, not really a good day for me....my foot was get hurt....pain!!!!

~September...~

~wake me up...when september end.....~

is a song which is so familiar n when now, we are in september....so everybody sing......*wake me up....when september end.............*

early in da morning.....everyone woke up juz to sign up for tutorial groups~ yeah, tis is Malaysian culture, we r all kiasu ppl, included myself of coz...everyone scare cant get the group we wan~ tat's the nature of human~

yeah, nature of human...recently i keep thinking bout tis.....nature of human~

since we said tat certain attitude r nature of human, then is tat means tat even something offensive we can juz consider it as nature of human?

tat's the only reason i can accept......tis nature of human, is self-centered~

i shouldnt think tat much, i know tat.....but how if i was hurt bcoz im the one who always been offended? i was trying tat i dun care, make joke with it n pretend tat's okay for me~ but i juz dun und y they din think twice b4 they speak?

i talk less these few days, at college, at home.....i more prefer when im alone, at least i can watever i wan to....i did mean i tend to isolate myself, but juz for a short while, i can talk to myself n tel myself, everything is okay~

tat's the way i live.....

okay, it's time to start hardworking.....i tel myself, i wil juz try all my best.....n hopefully it wont be so tough for me~ God bless me....plz.....

~Nite @ Feeling~

well, it was a nite, with feelings~ but well, juz simple feelings~

how many days had been gone n yet im stil da same old me with the same emotions + feelings n plus the expressions which totally againts my true feelings?

should b stop, i need to stop~

so i decided, leave the place for a while where i no longer bear it, juz one nite, n tat's enuff~

no one's fault, but me~ i know it clearer than any others~

i went to Feeling cafe, i ordered the food without considering the price lik wat i used to~ n so i feel nice~ sorry, mum, i spent money without think twice~

everything going to b alright~ im sure~

i walked out from the shadow, no more struggling whether i should apologize or shouldnt i~ yeah...im not allow myself to slow down my footstep~ i hav to go on, there is a long way.....long long way~

~2nite, Jungle finding a way~

it is weird when i dun feel lik wan to do anything, juz nothing tat i wan to do....the nite, is stil very very young, but y my mind so blank?

honestly, even typing blog now, i feel lik im forcing myself to do something, yeah....at least im doing something......

my mind stuck in somewhere, recently my fren asked me think bout a choreography for a performance~ im trying my very best, lik wat i used to dance...but it's weird, i cant even think the steps...wat's wrong with me? the feeling is juz like, im not the one who i used to be~ am i really changing? even changed to a person who dunno how to dance anymore?

watever...juz watever.....

i dun really wan to do a single thing right now....

i wan to talk to someone...juz talk....but everyone seems busy to talk to .......

i wan to drink something, juz any cold drinks which can calm myself down......but it's meaningless if drinking something alone without sharing n caring.......

many things tat i wan to do, but juz cant.....

so i rather dun wan do anything........juz nothing........

~am i different?~

2day, seemed better.....yeah....no more bad days....plz.....

few days ago, really my nightmares....everyone think tat i wil go n kill myself, but well, i wont, i still strong instead.....thx all the messages i received from my dearest....no worries, i'll b okay~

2day, is the day my school reopen officially, but wat a good nite yday til i forgot to set my alarm....i suppose to leave the house at 9am, but when i jumped down from the bed, the clock was pointing at 9am!!!! gosh, i gonna b late~

but the whole world is lik helping me...haha...everything went so smooth....got the lrt without waiting for so long, got the bus with juz few minutes.........fortunately, when i went down from the bus, i looked at my watch again, it's 10am....which my class wil start the next second, but at least, i was in the campus ady.....

2day, when i was having my lunch with my frenz, i met my fren, but i was so shocked when i looking the gal in front of me...is totally a different ppl but stil looking pretty~ ^^

yeah, she reminded me tat even world is changing, y dun human change? i should hav some changes mayb, but i do feel alright with me.....but frenz said i look different.....did i? i dun even realized tat....so....i think juz bcoz of the setting of the class? the light effect? or.....they having a very good mood? anything....juz anything.....

2day, i discovered i met a guy for almost many times at the same day.....

2day....everything seems okay for me.....

plz, plz....remember to set alarm 2nite....

~what i should do next?~

yday, it's a bad day, really bad day for me~

i cried for whole morning n afternoon, i slept in evening, n woke up with tireness~

never know tat crying can cause me exhausted~

when i woke up, it's a miscal from my house, i wonder who was calling me~

is he wan to say sorry? or is she wan to make sure tat im ok?

anyone, i dun care~ n so until now, my phone remain silence without any call in.....

it's my problem? i wonder.....it's my fault?

should i juz remain silence as well? or should i call them up n apologize? but wat do i did n so need i to say sorry or take the initiative?

well, since when i need to consider all these? i hate these feelings~ it's too complicated......

~When meteors wil never make ur dreamz come true~

it's the midnight, n i think, im not going to sleep tis whole nite~

i dunno whether here is the nice space for me to burst out, but i hav to, i need to~

days have been tough for me, i tot im able to bear it up on my shoulder, but i was wrong~ i look stronger than whoever, but plz dun forget im stil a gal~

i lost the ability to bear the jokes bout me as well, sorry, i stil laughing, but my soul, is playing the pessimistic games~

u might think i was stil the same old me when i was asking the same old question, but sorry, i juz trying to be the same old me.

i tried hard to find myself, but i lost, in the middle road~

i wan to talk more lik usual, i wan to laugh more lik usual, but y is tat so hard for me to talk n laugh? im haunted~ really....haunted~ by a soul, who never bright~

when looking at the characteristics of Sagittarian, saying tat he/she is optimist, happy, cheers.....but there is something tat there never mention, Sagittarian, is weak~ Everyone think tat im the ok-type, or mayb nvm-type. they never mind their words before they speak to me~ i can und tat, sometimes i lik tat. at least they treat me with their real self without a mask then praise me with lotz of beautiful compliments. i hate to hav tat....

Mayb bcoz of tat, they never think tat i do mind sometimes. im only human, i do have emotions n temper~

i try to stand on somebody feet in different situations, but y other dun try to stand on my feet sometimes?

i need ppl's understanding~ im not a happy n cheerful robot who telling cold jokes n sometimes no one laugh at it, not even a slightly smile~ im okay with tat~ but plz dun define me to 'somebody' which i am not~

communication is always the problem which rising lots of conflicts. i understand n really understood~

there are too many things tat i worrying....at the same time~

dun try to ask me, persuade me to stop thinking, juz allow me~ but if u r my true fren, juz dun put me down~ i wil appreciate tat~

yet, im stil stronger, i think....i juz need some time~

~tat's all i got...~

Yday, finally watched the movie tat i wan to watch which really made me desperated~ no doubt, it's a nice movie~ SECRET~ hope Emily did enjoy the movie~ ^^

well, after the movie, we went bac home by taxi directly~ although i hav a lot of time, but weird, i dun wan to spend more time in the mall~ it's too huge for me....~

i asking myself, wat's wrong with me? ....... after the movie, i reached my condo but i dun feel lik going bac home~ dun ask me y, juz....dun feel lik~

so i went to a bakery & cafe, i ordered one piece of Tiramisu, n aunty there offered me a warm water...coz it's cold weather~ thx, aunty, i feel warm....^^

i went there without bringing my book, since nothing to do there, i asked aunty for paper n a pen~ so i start writing.....

i realized, i felt uncomfortable these few days, when frenz talking bout something which i was not involved, when frenz said something unintentionally but hurt me, when, yeah, when the words came out from somebody mouth, n hurt me~

yeah, i not belongs to it, i din get involved, tat's my decision, plz, juz plz, dun ignore my existence but except u r blind....coz, im not deaf.....

okay, results were released today~ n tat's all i got~ it's expected, but i stil disappointed~ tat's all i got after i put all my effort? well...it's okay, im the only who make this happened~ so, i need time, i juz need time to accept the truth~

plz, bless me~

~Easy but yet it's tough~

are human losing their sense of talking face to face?

tat's the question in my best buddy's msn personal message...

dunno y,i keep thinking bout it for a long time...i think i wil bring tis question to the bed tonite...i wan to find an answer...

yeah,really,all of us can talk easily, saying a lotz of useless nonsense, crap for one whole thick book, but y is tat so hard for ppl talking face to face sometimes in some particular situation? i think all of us know wat's the most sensitive topic to talk face to face...it's all about relationship....love....between gals n boys,or even parents n their children...

mayb i would say silence is sometimes the best answer,but well,we need to tel from our heart...heart,has the right to voice out.so plz dun ignore it~ listen to wat our heart wan to say. if ur mind keep thinking bout something which holding u back, the hesitation wil only make u lost the golden chance~ dun care bout wat other think bout u, dun care bout wat the answer wil be,dun care bout the face problem...nothing is more important than u missed a right person in ur life~

say is easy, i know, but mayb juz try...better than do nothing for it without a little effort~

tat's ur future..

~Juz be Myself~

days r not easy...tat's all i can say~ esp since the day i know bout school reopen next week~ juz a small matter, but for me, is not a small matter,it is a huge trouble~ im sad, no one can understand that,even said y i was so exaggerated? ~ it's okay, it's my feeling anyway~ no one wil share it~

erm...i had accepted the truth, im going to face it~ now, at least i'd settled down~

recently, when i was hang up with a throng of old frenz in a cafe, i was complaining the waitress there was so no manner, but well, i wasnt really complaining, juz mumbling to my fren, of coz im wont stand up n yell at her, i wont do tat~ tat moment, i heard a sentenced which was so sharp for me,n i dun like it~

YOU HAD CHANGED~ so i asked,better or worsen? wat i did tat make u think tat i was changed? they claimed, i changed to a city-gal who required high standard, they said i wasnt the same old me but a person who like to blame n complain on a small little thing~ stunted, i jz nodded, but stil trying to deny~ well,i gave up to protest myself,coz i know is useless~ im not going to say anything to change their mind,even is impossible to change~ tat moment only i realized, something tat i always do since the day they know me, n now they said i had changed? or never realized i was like tat always?

i juz wonder but i realized, they never really discover a real me~ it was saddened me, deeply~ but it's fine~

so i wil always remind myself, wat i should or shouldnt say or do when facing with diff ppl~

again, i wil stil be myself~

~i hate it~

yeah...tat's all i can say~ i really pissed off the minute i read the email~

informing me tat next week going to start the class n i have to go bac to col tis fri to register as it is firch come first serve....wat the heck is this all about? my holiday will only end bout one more week later, almost 2 weeks tat i can say~ bcoz of tis mail, my plans all spoiled~ completely~

disappointment filled in this house~ me, my sis, n my parents~ they never say it but i know they feel it~ bcoz of disappointed them, i really so upset~

i hate it~ really hate it~ i hate all these unsure things~ which spoiled my holiday~ i stil have a lotz of things havent do, i stil have many frenz havent meet up, there r new recipes i wan to try it out in the kitchen~ a lotz~ really....there are many places tat i stil wan to go~

now only i realized i never spent my holiday to the fullest n meaningful, instead i was wasting my holidays~

there is a lesson for me may b~

~JPP...~

when i juz connected a chat box pop up, there was a youtube website which sent by my fren~

after few minutes, i was really shocked y my secondary school became lik tis? wat's wrong with the new principle? wat's wrong with the students there nowadays?

there was a clip, captured at my school compound, the environment looked good at the first glance, coz every buildings there were repainted~ but juz after few seconds, there was a view with all the bad words conteng on the walls~ such as, Pengetua babi....n lotz~

i dunno wat had happened~ but as a former student, studied there for 5 years long n thing like tis never happen b4~ since the ex-principle retired, so this current principle replaced, juz 3 months n all these bad things happened~ many quetions in my mind, i juz dun understand~ is tat really principle's faults? or wat?

there is a place where have lotz of my good memories~ frenz, teachers, n many~ but now, everything seems back to previous generation~ can i know, wat's wrong?

~ah dui~

'ah dui '...tis was wat i always used when chatting in msn...suddenly i think bout tis, bcoz for now, ah dui, became so strange...i wonder, how long i never use these 2 simple words?

from the day when i lost a best fren.....tat's the answer my heart told me....

wat is the definition of best fren? i do not have an absolute answer....it can be very vague, but it can be very objective as well....but im the one who definite, who is my best fren....although he/she never count me in their best fren list....perhaps....u know, everyone has their own definitions of best fren....

so he was one of mine best frenz, he used to be my best buddy...we went to many places, we went to cafe til midnight, we chatted bout life, days, stories, families, frenz....everything day n nite....n i stil remember he said he wil never forget....but he has the personality, which is forgetful, or should i say absent-minded? watever, stil the same meaning anyway.....

it has been months we never keep in touch...but juz suddenly, i was missing him when i took the train 2day....n tis time, i wouldnt deny, tat im missing him~ y? we became stranger? fate? ur fault or my fault? i never care whose to blame....i wan to be the same, i hope we never change, but y everytime we met u juz showed me the possibility so low? juz very low.....

i tel myself it's okay...life, how r we going to count the total of ppl we meet from the day we born? n those who we remember, should remember in our mind as long as we could~ n i always remind myself, i should try my very best, to remember all memories i had with other ppl....

~i have, do u?~

these few days, i really feeling not well n juz cough like hell...i hate it~ really hate it~ how i scare it wil be asthma again...

anyway, now i came bac to KL again, juz for few days, without any particular purpose...n so i like tat, do anything tat i lik, without considering much....sound good, dun u agree? if only u really desperate of freedom...i do hav freedom, but sometimes i wil still complain tat's not enuff....human, never satisfies....~

yday, we went to a place tat we never go b4, we said we wanted to explore....but sound funny, tat's actually nothing for us to explore....juz nothing.....haha~ so wat we can do was walking...walking blindly....dun care bout the direction....dun care where we want to go....juz use the legs...walk n walk.....

okay~ this my purpose to come bac here....i think~ not walk around in the city, but, do watever i like, then enjoy....in our busy lives....how many ppl can do this? no...less....few....very few....im glad tat im one of them....haha~

~Before & After~

say hi again~

wat i'd been doing recently? well, a lot~ there r pretty much thing tat i wan to share here, but seem impossible~

i juz bac from penang, joined a trip which my best fren asked me to, so met a group of new frenz, who study medical in Russia, same with my best fren~ tat's really a best trip i would ever had, i love the food there, i love the places, i love the frenz i juz met~

everything seems okay, before n after~ but tat's something different, when i stepped bac to my own land~

sometimes i wil ask, is God fair enuff? my answer for tis question wil always b yes! but i never sure tat 'yes' is a correct answer, suspiciously~ i witnessed everyone life in this earth is all different, no two same ppl with have the same life n fate forever, never! i know tat im lucky enuff, but there is something missing~

before, n after, i hope, i wil stil b the same old me~ it doesnt mean tat im not allow myself to change, but i wil only allow myself, change to a better me~

~Egghead~

Sunday, the day i lik the most every week~ ^^v

well, egghead, is my title for tis blog~ i juz learn this word from newspaper today~ 'Egghead' means a person who is very smart~

for sure, here, im not referring myself, i know, im not an egghead~ i know, i know~ =.=

but i wil trying to be...^^

juz, learn a new word~

~Insomnious night~

1pm...n i....juz dun feel lik wan to sleep at all~

i went to my room n sleep on my bed, tried hard to close my eyes, but my brain stil processing, i know, im stil awake, widely~

i hate this~ well, now regretting to take a short nap tis noon~

so im blogging, about wat im thinkin, since i hav nothing much can do in the late midnite~

i keep tis blog secretly, only for those who read my previous friendster blog. wat my purpose? everyone knows blog is created to let other ppl read, n so y i keep it as private? everyone needs their private space, so do i~ but i dun mind if my frens ter-read this~ it's okay~

im thinking, wat is life? a stupid question, with thousand of different answers~ n now, im living, as a gal, who remain single for 19 years~ yeah, im thinking bout me~ is tat a failure never experience any relationship b4? a kid told me, is a failure, coz he had 3 ex-gf n he is only a 14 year old boy~ aha~ is him who should be labelled abnormal? or im the one who is abnormal? lolz~

honestly, i never take tis seriously, i never mind to remain single~ im a typical sagittarian, i lik freedom n social with ppl~ i never dare to imagine when i was commit in a relationship, am i a good girl friend? haha~ juz now, went to night market with my family~ i met few old frenz, n they were holding hand with their partner~ they seemed can met bf/gf easily, but y is tat so hard for me to meet one? i wonder~ haha~

good guy is not easy to find, juz lik wat i tot my net fren is a nice guy but at last let me know he juz da same with all the bastards~ my frenz, all is good guy tat i can say, but the feel juz not right~

is okay~ i can be independent, is a not a good thing when u bcum too dependable....u lost everything when u lost someone who u always rely on~ tat's wat i think~ but i wil stil waiting...to feel the love again~ love, cannot rush~ i know, it takes time~

~Thx to let me know....~

he is a fren who we use to chat via msn for years...we never meet each other, but we chatting about life, love, studies.....so we sms, when i met problems~ he not really can help me, but at least, he is a good listener~

juz now, he told me something, which kinda shocked me, although i act normally~

thx to let me know~ only i realized u r this kind of guy~ well, i stil thinking whether accept or not to accept... is tat really normal for a guy to do tat? i wonder....

anyway, i wil b stil da same....as long as, im not his victim~

~When i c ur tears...~

it's been a long time i din go bac to my kampung, a kampung, which i always love to go bac~ KEDAH!

never expect tat i was been there without planning it~ it was a tiring journey, from ipoh drive to KL n from KL drive to KEdah, then the next day, bac ipoh from Kedah.... so , u can imagine it?
although i was not the driver who had to drive, but it made me exhausted~

thing, juz happened lik tat. my cousin's son, got dengue~ although in a serious condition, stupid XXX hospital which located in KL, not allow him to stay in. Privete hospital cost alot, if only u have RM8000 only can talk to the nurse there....wat a sad thing to say. so we had no choice, so my dad decided to send him bac to kedah immediately.

i juz dun understand, wat a cruel society? government hospital, they said mattress there r limited, hav to ensure tat u really serious enuff only let u check in n cure by doctors there. private hospital, every doctors there r professional, complete facilities, good nurses, juz lik heaven , so u hav to pay, b4 u walk in the doorstep. so, who really care bout the patient? who really care bout citizens who need help? dun forget, we pay for the government!!!

is really a sad case, at the same time, but different place, his sister, get dengue as well~ wat a stupid coincident~

i accompanied my dad along the journey. i met my relatives there. they looked different, but they said i looked different. time changed us, the days we had gone thru, made us grow n older~

i din sleep well for a nite. coz i was thinking. there're few ppl running here n there in my brain. the next day, we went to hospital, visit a pretty gal who is my cousins daughter, the one, who always under my protection. i was holding her hand bside the bed, i tried my best to tel her, everything is ok, wil b ok~ at the same time, i tried my very best, to forbid my tear cum out from my eyes. i hav to be strong in tat situation, when others are all weak, they need someone who is strong~ n i have to be~

inside my heart was melting, when i c her tears....

everything wil b alright, as long as we strongly believe it~ i told her.....

~Im Right~

juz finished reading my fren's blog, n i discovered something, which is an answer for my guessing~ again, it had proved my intuition is correct~ well, it's obvious tat i can say, when someone fall in love, they changed, act differently, unconciously~

when i asked them, they wil never say tat i guess it rite, they wil never admit, esp girls~ yeah, it's hard to admit tat i lik someone, it's really hard for girls~ not fair, dun u think so? always is a strange thing when girls take the initiative or confess b4 guys~

it's okay, i told my fren~ then she asked, but it's not okay for u to confess, dun u? haha~ i said, NEVER!!!! wat a weirdo? but i juz cant allow myself to do tat~

erm....tat's the reason i stil being single? i think not~ juz not the right time, haha~

~It's worth it~

well, it's really feel good to sitting here, a room, tat i used to be for many years~

yeah, home sweet home, i say it, coz i feel it~

i really scared tat i made a wrong decision, but everything is proven tat's not~ yeah, i missed a golden chance which i can gain precious experiences, i missed a chance to reduce my parents' financial burden~ therefore i was thinking too much, i worried~

but when the time hugging with my sisters n mum, the moment we whole family were sitting around the table in a japanese restaurant, when we're sitting in a same old car driving around the city~ each second tat i feel im so happy~ tat's all i need, after a tiring period in a busy city which i hate~ yeah, tat's wat i really need~

i enjoying every minutes, but it ended, juz with a wink...how cruel it is? elder sis with her bf went bac, n again, time to say bye~ 2 more days, another darling sister wil go bac to spore....then, everything wil go bac to normal, very normal with incomplete feeling~

i gotta face it, sooner or later, but it wil b the same feeling, i feel sad, even wil cry may be, but i allow the tears come out, i allow my emotion to be wat it wan to be, coz it normal i feel tat way~ it's so hard to say tat i wil get use to it~ but i never get use to it even i said bye for years.... everytimes the same, i sad, i cried~

it's ok, as long as i cherish every moments~

love u mum , dad , n my 3 lovely charming sisters~ forever, in centuries~

~Typical Malaysian~

recently, i really get in touched with a lotz of Typical Malaysian, of coz, with dark skin, n with their smelly mouths~

well, wat made me so angry? cannot say tat i was angry, juz dun understand, y such ppl stil can alive in this country???!~ again, they only can survive in this country~

for ur information, i juz bac from Johor, Tangkak last few days. i really enjoyed my trip with my dear frenz... but when last day came, n i was get into the bus come bac KL, i met such a stupid bus driver!!!

he yelled on innocent passenger, he thought everyone in the bus is stupid, he thought he is a MALAY!!! n so wat? means tat u can scold anyone tat u like? plz... use brain~ u juz a driver!!!! we paid for u!!! we r customer!!! my fren's seat was being sit by someone, so my fren asked the driver...know wat tat driver shouted? "saya cakap ada tempat duduk saja la! apa cakap cakap!!!" if im not a gal, if i din think much, i wan to go bac safely, i think i wil juz scold him bac! even slap him if i can!!! wat the attitude? shame on me, shame on Malaysian!

nothing much tat i can say~ he is juz one of them...juz one of THEM!!!

~Decision~

to make a decision, always is so hard for me, i dun even know y~

well, yeah, i admit tat im so indecisive, even get phobia to make a decision~ coz i scare tat i wil regret, i scare tat i will make a wrong decision~

now is holiday, everyone planning how to earn money in this 2 months holiday, n someone busy with the mentoring training sessions. then how bout me? in my mind i juz thinking bout going bac home....i tot tat's the only thing im thinking bout...but it juz seemed lik~

im struggling, again, now, i have to make a decision, which is not easy for me at all~

everyone doing the thing they like, they hope, to gain more experiences, to gain more money~ but i do nothing in this holiday, nothing~ so it makes me reconsidering, wat do i really need?

it took a long time for me to think all these....n most of the time i was talking with my bottom heart, asking myself, wat do i really need?

finally, there is an answer, which is so simple~ yeah, only one word tat is really important for me, which is, FAMILY~ yeah, my fren is correct, he knows me well, family is everything for me~

the minute i know wat i really want, no doubt anymore, everything seems clear~

i quit the chance to be selected in mentoring malaysia program, i lost bout thousand money which i can earn in only 2 weeks~ is tat worth it if i miss all these chances? i can say NO! absolutely and exactly~

~070707~

yeah, u may say tat nothing different, tat wat i think as well, lik last year 060606, inbox full of forward message, said tat only appear in thousand decade, i stil rmb wat i said tat time, cheh, wat so special woh, next year stil got 070707, then 080808......

but i dunno y, today, i found it different~

i jz feel so special n dunno y~

2day, is my frenz bday, one in ipoh, another one, going to a trip with us later~

n 2day, i juz think of someone tat i never c, juz strongly feel tat wan to wish tat someone~

yday b4 i went to bed, i purposely set 7am 6.50am alarm, n get ready to wish al the people tat i wan to wish~ yeah, n i did~ luckily i din missed this chance~ as we promised b4, i woke up my two buddies who same dorm with me, n we took pic, with half open eyes look~ haha, we look terrible, really terrible, but we all, happy~ tat's wat i want~

sometimes, dun miss the chance to giv us more memories, tat's nothing wrong with tat even u think tat's crazy...i lik it, i really lik it~

going to Muar, Malacca, Tangkak....i wan to enjoy my holiday, to the very fullest....i wan take many pictures, i wan eat many food, i wan say aa thousand jokes, i wan everything tat wil make me, or frenz around me, a very happy moment~

holiday, begin~

~Rules...~

i juz wondering, y everyone of us follow the rules, from the day we born until now~ y must we follow the rules? yeah, there are certain rules that every human has to be obey, to remain harmony society with peaceful~ here, im not referring those laws n regulations~ im a good citizen anyway~

for this very moment, i hate to attend something which they said the attendance is compulsory, but they never consider tat's holiday~ is holiday...which i waiting for so long~ i need a rest, desperately, if not, i will getting mad~ at this very moment, i hate to listen ppl around me said tat we hav to go, tat is a must to be selected as a mentor~ i hate all these....i hate everything that change my plan, i hate~ really...hate~ i din mean tat i dun wan to be a mentor, if really lik tat i wont attended for so many session, wat for? wasted my precious time? im not tat fool anyhow~ i need more time than anyone need~ i dun wan miss a little thing in my life, n i dun wan miss this chance~ but meanwhile, i dun wan miss the only opportunity gather with my best fren who soon wil go bac Russia n im thinking when wil we meet each other again? i dun wan miss the only chance hug my dear sister in my arm n kiss on her cheek, how long tat we din hug n kiss? months ago~ a sister who working hard in neighbor country~ but nothing going to be perfect, i need to lost either one of it, i know tat, so here it is, the hard time to make a hard decision~ it kills me...really~

it's okay, i telling myself.....again n again~

i juz hate to be control~ i juz hate when i miss anything in my life~

giv me some time~ i need a break, i need a breath~

~Life in this city...~

juz a snap, i had finished one of the final exam papers~ good news? mayb~

after the paper of PSY105, my burden lost half~ i had a good mood after i stepped out from the hall, really~ we went to pizza hut and ordered the set lunch happily, but weird, when the pizza served on the table, i lost my appetite, n mood changed, juz in a sudden~ okay, im admit, i am juz such a weird person~ i dun even know~

after lunch, again, i stepped into a busy city~ a city, which is so hazy, which is full of typically Malaysian, a country which never improve, wat a shame as a malaysian... i dunno wat make me feel tat way...all the thoughts n feelings come together, again, in a very sudden~

i really fed up with the roads full of cars, i really hate to c all the pirated stuffs selling along the roads n all the mat salleh standing there n buying with Ringgit Malaysia~ wat a pity scenario? but our government thinks tat is one of the place which must promote in Visit Malaysia 2007~

i walked inside a building, which is always so stuffy and make me hard to breath~ i was walking with my half death body~ smiling on my face faded, when someone walked near me n asked me to buy their stuff~ how i hope i can juz yell out: "stay away from me!!!" my morality not allow me to do that, i dunno y~ so my pace quickened~ i wan to stay away from them, since they wont~

everything juz not right, at that moment, until i came bac home n sitting here....only i calm dowm~

wat's wrong with me? or wat's wrong with the country i living? when i went into LRT, full of working ppl, but only 3pm something, all of them ady finished working? but wat i remember, 5pm only is the time to leave from their work place....isnt it? okay...only our race working so hard....but they wil never worry even if they lost the job, they wil stil hav money from 'somewhere else' to survive in this country...only in this country anyway~ i wonder y Malaysia full of those kind of ppl, coz they hav no where can survive~ not even Singapore tat i can say....

okay~ stop, i should stop, n i hav to stop~

my fault~ my fault~ tat's the life in this city, n it wil never change~ NEVER~ so wat should i waste my time n thinking all these? they wil say tat's not a problem~ they wil never say tat~

leave it~

n get use to it? i wonder....

~我想。。。~

当我决定了，就不想改变了~

我也有权利，得到我想要的，不是吗？

我不想要失去原本属于我的自由~

射手座的自己，或许是个借口，但我要自己快乐~

juz lik wat i read in the book which entitled Tuesday with Morrie, live everyday as if lik 2ml u wil die~ i wan to live my life colorful, but not sorrowful, since now im young enuff to enjoy my life, i wan to do something, something which will be my memories~ i dun wan regret...remorse is something tat we should avoid~ everything going to b okay, coz, i make a decision, which i wil never change~

~STOP~

Yeah…I wan to stop~ stop everything~

I thought I can handle it, even thought I can control it~

But y I cant? Cant even say no? when did I start so hard to say a word? Wat holding me bac? Wat am I considering so much? Wat? Tel me wat?~ plz~ tel me~

I dun wan changed to be lik tis, I dun wan, but wat im facing now make me change, even the environment around me~ I juz, lost of control~ im not longer myself~ im not~ tat’s wat I hate the most~

I keep telling myself everything going to be okay, everything wil come to an end, but I was like waiting too long, n I, lost my patience, in a sudden~

No one tat I can tell my problem, no one tat I can share wat am I so suffering, I dun wan become so pessimistic, but I juz, cant!!!

Well, I need more time mayb, tat’s the only excuse for myself, to feel better~

Let me go, if can~

Let me be myself, if im allow to~

Let me get bac the thing which I had belonged to~

Peace….juz peace…..

~when dreamz become real~

well, i think, my dreamz, wanted to tell me something, or given me some clue wat's going to happen~ my intuition, seemed accurate~

everything juz happened, which im not able to control, so i feel really helpless~ i tried my best to tolerate that everything i can, but i stil cant stop myself asking myself :"y me?"

everything he did, obviously shown tat he never trust me~ i tot we r best frenz, i told him everything, all my problems, i tot, even he cant helped me but at least he listen to me, then tat's enuff~ but y, he is the one who know my problem then build a wall there to worsen my problem? what a fool me never realize the trap~~~my fault, to not to be a wiser~

i dunno how im going to face all these, but i know, i hav the ability, even im not, but i hav no choice, i hav to face it~ but this time, i choose to be more selfish, to be more firm, i hav to protect my own benifits~ i think of others, i care of wat they wil feel if i do this do that, but he never think bout me, then wat's the point if i juz keep quiet n let him do everything he likes? is not fair for me~ really, not fair~ i treat him as my fren, then? he treat me as somebody who can easily gain benefits n take me for granted~

i have the patience, to c how the problems will be solve, i can endure wat he did, but, there is a limit~ which wil explode in unknown time~ but i hope, we can go thru all these, without hurt anyone of us~ im not tat cruel, i dun wan hurt anyone, but i juz hav no choice~

everything going to be okay, as long as i believe it will~

we should keep some distance, at least, i would never c the face underneath ur mask, which is, really scare me~ but giv me sometime to accept ur real self, juz give me some time~

~Saturday's morning~

everyone in this house still sleeping, except me~

i wonder, am i get haunted? haha~ dream again~

okok, i shouldnt think tat much, juz dreamz, so wat?

chatting with my fren, a net fren who i never meet up, we have been chatting for 3 years long i think, but we juz able to chat about any topics~ i wonder, even when we meet up on the road someday, coincidently, i think , we juz treat each other as a stranger~ yeah, a stranger who i share my life to~

well, tis morning, i juz become so pessimistic, juz for this short moment i think, so plz dun forbid me~ im thinking, asking my heart, wat i really want in my life?

~i dream~

kind of weird thing, recently, my dreams, just so weird....

i juz feel so helpless, i shouted, i screamed, i tot my screaming loud enuff even whole world can hear me, but no one, not even one come n save me~

yeah, u wil juz say, no worries, juz dreamz~

but it makes me thinking~ y the dreamz made me so restless? Freud said, every dream means something, which under our consciousness, is tat means tat i feel helpless in reality?

okay, i think, i juz think too much~

everything going to be okay~ as long as i believe tat's nothing~

~Today @ SMK La Salle PJ~

recently, i joining a society, ARCADE~ today, as a volunteer, i was running a program, which we called it School Mobilization to promote the Mentoring Malaysia, so we went to SMK La Salle PJ.

we went there by HELP bus, when we reached there, every students there were looking at us in the strange way. when we went inside the hall, we realized i was going to bath in sweating....it was a really hot weather!

soon after tat, students came into the hall, seniors told us to talk to them, but i just couldnt say anything but i tried. honestly, i started to feel nervous.

then, it's time to get into the group, every volunteer had to lead 10 or more students. fortunately, it's not that hard to find 10 students for me tat time with tat situation. then soon we start the ice breaker...it's not easy to remember all their names at the first place, but after playing the Group Juggling, then only i able to remember their names.

to be honest, i was a bit nervous at the beginning, but luckily, i was just so glad to have them. everything gone smooth after that.

for the next activity, which is team building exercise. i almost forgot tat we're not allowed to speak in human language. after few minutes only i remember, so we started communicate in animal sound. my group really did a good job, coz they really tried their best not to speak any human language! even me, oso talked in animal sound, until one of the mentors told me tat i was allowed to speak in human language! haha~ they did not have any good idea to build the tallest building, but they tried. everyone of them, did something. it's glad that everyone was putting their effort and so it shown that they really think bout it. the most important thing which made me feel so touched was, they never give up. anyway, they still couldnt believe that the buiding can score 8.0 marks.

after tat activity, they cleaned the place~ they like to talk, but it seemed that they know the rules as well. then the next activity, The Face of Todays Teens.....

here was the interesting part. they really discuss bout the issue, they made fun, but serious sometimes. everyone of them like to draw.one thing that surprised me is, one of them said is really suffering when thinking of someone. haha~ few of them really facing girl friends problem. even they said, "no phone will cry, no girls will die"...made me speechless....haha~ some of them said, their parents not allow them to own a mobile phone.tat's really make them upset. then only they come to studies~ more or less there were the problems they think their facing.

happy moments r always so short. so soon come to the ending. one of them asked me, "will u come here again?", i said, "i hope i will, y?"....they said, "coz i wan to c u again...."
tis really almost make me cry, but i din.really touched....i love them so much ... really glad that met with them. i saw many things from them. this experience not only have fun , but i had learnt many things.

~Not easy...~

know wat, i din update blog here for a long time, coz i forgot the username for blogger, tried many times but failed, so i juz gave up....until juz now, i dun even know how i could get into it. so here i am....

so how's my life? a bit sucks tat i can say....but juz a bit, overall still not bad.....

i moved to a new place, i left the house which i rent for a year long n came to a new condo, facilities here is awesome, swimming pool. gym, indoor badminton court, cafe....even flea market is holding here every weekends~ now, staying with my best buddies, we cook every nite....sound wonderful, rite? but nothing in this world is perfect....tat's all i can say....

recently, i really facing with financial problem....sometimes i juz wonder, am i made a wrong decision? realized something which i never expect....tat's really make me so frustrated. i will still b the same anyhow, but i wil limit myself....not allow myself spend more money to useless thingy.....a good opportunity for me to learn....yeah....it's time....

then, lotz of homework waiting for me....

so gotta stop here....

take care everyone, take care....myself....^^

~ Hip ... Hop ... ~

erm...yup...no doubt...i joined hip hop class 2day.....n it was really coolz...n i really likz it...

well, some of my college frenz feel kinda shocked when they know tat i joined dance club...haha...ya, they never c me dance....no one did i think.....lolz...until 2day of coz...

been 2 years i din dance ady....form 5 b4 SPM was my last performance on the stage....haha....n i missing those days so much....

it's not really hard to follow the steps as long as u can remember it well....n when i succeed to follow the steps, i feel contented n tis satisfaction really makes me feel good....haha.......

i wanna shout out loud...IM BACK....haha......the feelings were all back....

i juz think, i feel good coz i was doing something tat i really lik! so dun do nothing when u stil young n when u stil energetic....do something tat u always desire to or anything else....do it, try it before it's too late......

erm...kinda tired...should take some rest......hehe.......nitez....

~decision made...~

well...last 2 weeks i think, i accompanied venus go to look for a new room, tat time, i never think to move from my current place. coz i have no reason to move...my current place now is near to campus...15 min walking distance...i have good roommates here...n so on.....

but my mind was changed in the second i stepped inside tat new place...a place, where i feel im home....i like everything there....from the entrance, guest room, swimming pool....n the house....n of coz...the view from the window....

yeah...i always hope tat i can live in a condo....i stil rmb...tat day when i came bac, my msn personal msg typed, 'when i found a place lik heaven for angel....'.....yeah...tat's wat i said...tat's wat i feel... mayb u may feel i was exaggareted....but im not.....

seemed i had decided, but im not....many things to consider.....rental wil b higher, n my parents burden wil be heavier diretly, plus transportation fees, takes time in taking lrt n bus....n etc...etc....

so i used long time....very long time to consider whether move or not to move.....until now...finally, i made a decision!

mayb, i should not think too much....sometimes problem is not a problem at all.....people is lik tat de...dun u agree? always make things complicated....

well....i hope i wish....everything going to be ok.....

*Or@Ng3JuNGL3*

i dun even know y i created a blog here...since i ady have two...one is friendster and another one is wretch...

well...mayb i want to leave my comments for all my frens' blogs...since need to sign up, then ok la...create another one...so mayb later on, i wil juz say bye to frienster blog...haha...

so...wat should i start first?

well...now ady 12am...my brain start resting n everything in my brain is fading...

forgive me...