~I'd been awaken when September was ended~

for almost 19 years, i still cant figure out, why, time passed so fast n yet no one can slow it down~ i wan to stop it if i can, but i know, it's impossible~

so now, another new month begin~ It's October~ i dunno y, y it is so hard for me to believe today is the 2nd day of the 10th month~ 2007, almost end~ n im getting old~

i din mean to be so pessimistic, but juz wat my true feeling~ complicated feeling~ trying to simplify it~ if u can help?

finally finished my essay for PSY103, i din know y i used so much time to complete it~ anyway, i still done one of my missions~ yeah, juz one of it~

yday b4 i went to bed, i watched one of the episodes of Grey Anatomy 1st season~ finally i finished downloaded it, so i watch it~ juz first episode, i thx god tat im not a medical students so im not a doctor-to-be~ it will be a nightmare for me, i can assure this~ really proud of my best buddies, who studying medical one in Russia n one in Indonesia~ 2 little poor girls, no, i cant call them lik tat anymore. they stronger than any others~ Doctor, wat a mighty ambition which not everyone can afford to~

i used to dream to be a doctor when i was a St.John member~ it's feel great when i succeeded to stop the bleeding~ it's feel great when someone say thx to u~ it's really great, but i din know since when, i got blood phobia~

but i think the most toughest to be a doctor is when face the life n death~ how r u going to tel patients' family that their love one is passed away? how r u going to handle if someone in front of u struggling to survive but yet a long beep sound show tat he was failed n died?

i start to worry, since now im a psychology student, am i able to control my emotions n feelings? if someone tel me their prob, i need to be tough to let them rely on me, but how if i cry with them? if someone i has counseled b4 end up with suicide? arh... watever, juz watever~

stop to think too much~

i cant handle it now but mayb in the future, i can~ no one knows wat going to happen in the next second~ will b alright~ it's okay~