Still having my finals week~ But it's okay~
3 more days to go, 2 more paper to fight~
I can still handle it I guess, yeah....I GUESS~
I keep myself busy for quite a long while~
and busy is not tat bad sometimes....it helps~
Once I slow down my pace...
I realized, I've missed out quite a number of memories that I should have, or even someone that I could share my everything~
Well, I always not the one who will take the initiatives....and this is definitely stick with my mindset~ No, means no~
Someone may say, why am I, so cruel, stupid or watever negative term that they think is suitable to describe...
but do believe that, everyone does something with a motive, purpose.....but not all the time, I know.....
A lot of counterfactual thinking fill in my mind..... and I think.... I juz good in creating imagination~
no more.....
second chance.........
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
~All the matters of, communication~
Is always a poor thing that I am here again...
Sometimes frenz were asking why am I having two blogs at the same time?
I have my good reasons but I wil never tell~
Well, tomorrow has an assignment due date and now Dr.Goh is lecturing but yet, I can still multitasking like what am I doing right now....
It's been I while that I was being negative....
Since the days I cried inside the toilet after the phone called and talked with the two sisters, Jungle was back again, the positive one.
Tried to avoid calls to prevent myself not getting any negative influences.
and it works, I feel better...and everyday thinking of something happy that glad the existence of me made changes.
and I tried new things, like learn new dance that I ever tried before...
but there are something that I feel sick of...again, human being is always need to communicate...and conflicts occured once we disconnected to others and not communicate to each other.
That's y I talk, no matter there are happy things to share with, or the hurdles I meet in the midway of some progress, or express my own feelings and thoughts....etc...etc.....i juz talk......
the moment i lost the ability how to talk, is when I feel helpless and wondering why all these things happened? and....thinking am I juz did a mistake?
so I scared when someone juz doesnt wan to talk to me and I totally have no idea why? even if tat's really my mistakes, I wil stil love to talk instead of long stupid silence or juz walked away like nobody business. of coz...it is especially for someone who I really care........
Silence kills me...
Like a human urge to breathe to get oksigen.
everything will stil turn better, but the process of it, is never be easy.....
once I never talk, I wil never be okay.....
Sometimes frenz were asking why am I having two blogs at the same time?
I have my good reasons but I wil never tell~
Well, tomorrow has an assignment due date and now Dr.Goh is lecturing but yet, I can still multitasking like what am I doing right now....
It's been I while that I was being negative....
Since the days I cried inside the toilet after the phone called and talked with the two sisters, Jungle was back again, the positive one.
Tried to avoid calls to prevent myself not getting any negative influences.
and it works, I feel better...and everyday thinking of something happy that glad the existence of me made changes.
and I tried new things, like learn new dance that I ever tried before...
but there are something that I feel sick of...again, human being is always need to communicate...and conflicts occured once we disconnected to others and not communicate to each other.
That's y I talk, no matter there are happy things to share with, or the hurdles I meet in the midway of some progress, or express my own feelings and thoughts....etc...etc.....i juz talk......
the moment i lost the ability how to talk, is when I feel helpless and wondering why all these things happened? and....thinking am I juz did a mistake?
so I scared when someone juz doesnt wan to talk to me and I totally have no idea why? even if tat's really my mistakes, I wil stil love to talk instead of long stupid silence or juz walked away like nobody business. of coz...it is especially for someone who I really care........
Silence kills me...
Like a human urge to breathe to get oksigen.
everything will stil turn better, but the process of it, is never be easy.....
once I never talk, I wil never be okay.....
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
~Secrets...hard to keep~
When there is no way that allowed me to walk on, here am I...
It's been a while, here, has been abandoned by the OrangeJungle~
But no matter how, here is still the place that allow the jungle to escape, even just for a little short while~
Yeah...I had bad days...
when I found myself be the useless one, when I realized that I'm the one who messed everything up~ ...... I do not know, what are the feelings inside of me. Disappointed? Helpless? or juz simple depressed?
Not that easy I would say...
Having said that, coz I'm a complicated and unpredictable creature....
I having tough times, during this critical period...
I tot I can handle it quite well,
I tot what else that I never been through?
but things juz happened and it never allows me to get ready to face all these....
I wish I was there but I was not and I couldn't.
I wish things never happened but yet this is always a dream for me and haunted me in my dreamlands....
I wish everyone can juz understand what I had been gone through but there're somethings that I shouldn't tell.
Not tat I wan to go through all these all alone. No one likes to being alone.
I know Im not alone, that's the only thing I appreciated my existence.
The history, made me...
The stories, was killing me...
Long journey to go, but I start to curious when and where is the end of my journey?
I juz want to breathe...
but I know it wont be until I know how to communicate...
How to lead myself out of my way and find a bright way...
How to walk through...
How to cure.....
I have a plan...
I wan to run far far away...
It's okay if there is no one beside me and trying to be supportive...
sometimes things, is still better to keep for ourselves....
That's y secret is beautiful with the unknowns...
It's been a while, here, has been abandoned by the OrangeJungle~
But no matter how, here is still the place that allow the jungle to escape, even just for a little short while~
Yeah...I had bad days...
when I found myself be the useless one, when I realized that I'm the one who messed everything up~ ...... I do not know, what are the feelings inside of me. Disappointed? Helpless? or juz simple depressed?
Not that easy I would say...
Having said that, coz I'm a complicated and unpredictable creature....
I having tough times, during this critical period...
I tot I can handle it quite well,
I tot what else that I never been through?
but things juz happened and it never allows me to get ready to face all these....
I wish I was there but I was not and I couldn't.
I wish things never happened but yet this is always a dream for me and haunted me in my dreamlands....
I wish everyone can juz understand what I had been gone through but there're somethings that I shouldn't tell.
Not tat I wan to go through all these all alone. No one likes to being alone.
I know Im not alone, that's the only thing I appreciated my existence.
The history, made me...
The stories, was killing me...
Long journey to go, but I start to curious when and where is the end of my journey?
I juz want to breathe...
but I know it wont be until I know how to communicate...
How to lead myself out of my way and find a bright way...
How to walk through...
How to cure.....
I have a plan...
I wan to run far far away...
It's okay if there is no one beside me and trying to be supportive...
sometimes things, is still better to keep for ourselves....
That's y secret is beautiful with the unknowns...
Sunday, October 19, 2008
~Nonsense~
It's been a busy month...
Everyone is stressed out because of the midterm papers, experiments, assignments, meetings.....
Wow, we r not robot...
How I wish I am a good multitasker....
Busy, busy, and busy...
It becomes a word to describe my life and I found it sad....so sad....to be just busy all the time....
Friends and family, r both important for me.
They are the reasons I continue my busy life, with they supporting me~
Somehow, I find it hard to read people's mind, too~
How much do you understand me?
Do you really understand me?
I would like to say,
Human is complicated...
and it takes my whole life to understand a person.
Why is that so hard to be understood?
I should dun bother to think about it....
It's wasting my time...
right?
Arh....what a nonsense Im talking about?
>,<
Everyone is stressed out because of the midterm papers, experiments, assignments, meetings.....
Wow, we r not robot...
How I wish I am a good multitasker....
Busy, busy, and busy...
It becomes a word to describe my life and I found it sad....so sad....to be just busy all the time....
Friends and family, r both important for me.
They are the reasons I continue my busy life, with they supporting me~
Somehow, I find it hard to read people's mind, too~
How much do you understand me?
Do you really understand me?
I would like to say,
Human is complicated...
and it takes my whole life to understand a person.
Why is that so hard to be understood?
I should dun bother to think about it....
It's wasting my time...
right?
Arh....what a nonsense Im talking about?
>,<
Friday, October 10, 2008
~Remember, Remember.....September gone and October is here~
How's everyone?
It's been a while I din update anything here. Not that I have nothing to talk about...juz recently, life is always dramatic....I wanted to share it....but somehow....I lost my words.....to talk about my life.......
Sometimes, I always appreciate to be who I am...
Sometimes, I will blame for few minutes why these things happened to me....
Sometimes, I cried for nothing and it didn't made me feel better....
Sometimes, I happy to have all my beloved friends around me....
Sometimes, I miss home and I know Im going to suffer homesick again and again.....
Sometimes, I doubted on my existence......
Sometimes, I hate all the failures which caused by me....
Sometimes, I understand no one is perfect but I still trying to be.....
Whatever....Life without stories is not a life anymore....
Juz a period of time in my life......
Go through it.....no matter how, no matter wat.......
It's been a while I din update anything here. Not that I have nothing to talk about...juz recently, life is always dramatic....I wanted to share it....but somehow....I lost my words.....to talk about my life.......
Sometimes, I always appreciate to be who I am...
Sometimes, I will blame for few minutes why these things happened to me....
Sometimes, I cried for nothing and it didn't made me feel better....
Sometimes, I happy to have all my beloved friends around me....
Sometimes, I miss home and I know Im going to suffer homesick again and again.....
Sometimes, I doubted on my existence......
Sometimes, I hate all the failures which caused by me....
Sometimes, I understand no one is perfect but I still trying to be.....
Whatever....Life without stories is not a life anymore....
Juz a period of time in my life......
Go through it.....no matter how, no matter wat.......
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
~What my Name means~
Well, it's been a while I never blog here.
Not tat i'd abandoned here, it juz sometimes, I dun really feel I wan to blog here.
Many things have come and go, and I think this is wat we mean, Life~
Within few months,
for what had happened, happened...
and Im trying to be the person who never looks back, even though we do have the memories~
Whatever~
Juz, watever~
This new semester, is so challenging that I can say. *I trying to be positive*
Wish, Hope, Pray...
Will be alrite....will be....alrite~
well, there is a link about what my name means.
Which I found it quite accurate....
TanShuLing means,
You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.
You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.
You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.
You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.
You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.
You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.
You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.
You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.
And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.
You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.
You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.
You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.
You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.
You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.
Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.
Not tat i'd abandoned here, it juz sometimes, I dun really feel I wan to blog here.
Many things have come and go, and I think this is wat we mean, Life~
Within few months,
for what had happened, happened...
and Im trying to be the person who never looks back, even though we do have the memories~
Whatever~
Juz, watever~
This new semester, is so challenging that I can say. *I trying to be positive*
Wish, Hope, Pray...
Will be alrite....will be....alrite~
well, there is a link about what my name means.
Which I found it quite accurate....
TanShuLing means,
You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.
You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.
You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.
You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.
You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.
You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.
You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.
You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.
And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.
You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.
You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.
You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.
You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.
You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.
Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.
Monday, June 30, 2008
~That's a Song~
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
It's one of my favorite songs recently, sing by Taylor Swift.
Everytime I listening this song, I feel so sad....
I wonder how if I am the one who sing it and mean it?
It's so heart breaking~
Din know that I was related with this song indirectly.
and the 'she' or 'her' in the song is referring to me....
I can understand her feeling....so so much~
complicated feeling at the moment while i was reading the story~
No one's fault, I know...
I can understand her feeling, his feeling, but confusing of mine feeling~
I do not want to complicate everything.
so yeah, I believe in him, I believe that time will heals the wound~
Everything is going to be okay~
Wishing her....with wholehearted~
it's a new beginning for me...and i wan it last....as long as it can be.....
Trust is all it means....
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
It's one of my favorite songs recently, sing by Taylor Swift.
Everytime I listening this song, I feel so sad....
I wonder how if I am the one who sing it and mean it?
It's so heart breaking~
Din know that I was related with this song indirectly.
and the 'she' or 'her' in the song is referring to me....
I can understand her feeling....so so much~
complicated feeling at the moment while i was reading the story~
No one's fault, I know...
I can understand her feeling, his feeling, but confusing of mine feeling~
I do not want to complicate everything.
so yeah, I believe in him, I believe that time will heals the wound~
Everything is going to be okay~
Wishing her....with wholehearted~
it's a new beginning for me...and i wan it last....as long as it can be.....
Trust is all it means....
Saturday, June 28, 2008
~I feel the love, in the air~
I am not in the control right now...Yeah....I juz...crying my heart out~
Juz suddenly, I opened the old files and start viewing all the pics~
And I started to blog...about the stories, about Turtly and Fishy in the Jungle....happily ever after....
Im so so glad, to have them with me...all these while~
From the day we know each other, we created all the stories by ourselves...there are happy and sad episodes...but no matter how, we gone thru it...until now....
Love you all so much...so so much~
At the same time, chatting with my dear sister and we talked about our lives. Again, crying....
Family is my everything, never regret to be one of the members in this family~ It's my proud...to having them.
and so, i thinking of him...a guy who existed in my life~
I wonder y am i so lucky to be loved by all of them.....
I wonder y am i so lucky?
N so i cry...becoz of touching~
The love, is in the air.......
Juz suddenly, I opened the old files and start viewing all the pics~
And I started to blog...about the stories, about Turtly and Fishy in the Jungle....happily ever after....
Im so so glad, to have them with me...all these while~
From the day we know each other, we created all the stories by ourselves...there are happy and sad episodes...but no matter how, we gone thru it...until now....
Love you all so much...so so much~
At the same time, chatting with my dear sister and we talked about our lives. Again, crying....
Family is my everything, never regret to be one of the members in this family~ It's my proud...to having them.
and so, i thinking of him...a guy who existed in my life~
I wonder y am i so lucky to be loved by all of them.....
I wonder y am i so lucky?
N so i cry...becoz of touching~
The love, is in the air.......
Saturday, June 21, 2008
~As long as, I am not~
Recently, there were bad days and good days taking turn in my life.
there are so much misunderstandings, conflicts, doubts....
but all past....all is my history~
Im not materialistic~
I wasnt not enough~
I wasnt not appreciate~
I love, I care, I mind~
It's okay, as long as u understand...Im not like tat, at all~
there are so much misunderstandings, conflicts, doubts....
but all past....all is my history~
Im not materialistic~
I wasnt not enough~
I wasnt not appreciate~
I love, I care, I mind~
It's okay, as long as u understand...Im not like tat, at all~
Monday, June 9, 2008
~Not sure~
The very first time I sitting in a place where I can surf the net and even blogging here~ Yeah....is a place tat is quite strange....
I just dun feel lik going bac and facing something tat I not comfortable to cope with~ I lost myself in this very moment~ Completely..
But I told myself, is a new start and should know how to let go and even learn give and take~
I know all these....but somehow, i stil lost myself~
I cant wait for the this coming thurs....I need someone to guide me, to the right way~
Facing her, I found I had lost my balance...esp when she do not know how to take care of herself~ And I even learned helplessness, but the other side of me dun wan anything happen on her~ I love her...really~ But I found myself lost the ability to express my care and love like i used to~ so wat's the matter now?
I still figuring out~
Will be alright~ I know~ I know there is at least someone always be with me~
^^v I should be glad for tat~
I just, not sure~
I just dun feel lik going bac and facing something tat I not comfortable to cope with~ I lost myself in this very moment~ Completely..
But I told myself, is a new start and should know how to let go and even learn give and take~
I know all these....but somehow, i stil lost myself~
I cant wait for the this coming thurs....I need someone to guide me, to the right way~
Facing her, I found I had lost my balance...esp when she do not know how to take care of herself~ And I even learned helplessness, but the other side of me dun wan anything happen on her~ I love her...really~ But I found myself lost the ability to express my care and love like i used to~ so wat's the matter now?
I still figuring out~
Will be alright~ I know~ I know there is at least someone always be with me~
^^v I should be glad for tat~
I just, not sure~
Sunday, June 8, 2008
~Ended, yet starting~
Once I switch on my computer like what I usually do, My friend nudged me and said, Welcome Back....I smiled......
It's a new start for me, everytime I came back from home....
I cleaned my house, unpacked my luggage, changed my bedsheet, and sitting in front of the comp and blogging~
It's bad everytime I found myself sitting at the corner and missing home, again~
but it's good, when everything seems new again~
Yeah...tat's wat I like, and at the same time, wat I hate.....
It's a new start, I told myself....
Every things which are bad, were gone....
It's ended....
But yet, I starting my new life~
all the best to myself~
^^v
Happy Dumpling festival~~~
It's a new start for me, everytime I came back from home....
I cleaned my house, unpacked my luggage, changed my bedsheet, and sitting in front of the comp and blogging~
It's bad everytime I found myself sitting at the corner and missing home, again~
but it's good, when everything seems new again~
Yeah...tat's wat I like, and at the same time, wat I hate.....
It's a new start, I told myself....
Every things which are bad, were gone....
It's ended....
But yet, I starting my new life~
all the best to myself~
^^v
Happy Dumpling festival~~~
Saturday, May 31, 2008
~To be changed~
Oh yeah~ My body is moving with the beats, yeah, I got it~
Well, you know what makes me feel good?
I think, I'd found myself in the afternoon....Yeah, Im back~
The real me, is back~
I still can dance like who I used to be, I stil can sing till my heart out~
I still can do anything that I wan to~
That's all I want~
Yeah...just in a sudden, I realized....
This morning, I received an email and I know that my resume had been approved and now I have to wait for the teleinterview. Dunno y, I just strongly want the job~ Even though just as an intern and I wont be paid much. But I clearly know what I want.
I just want to move on, to know more people, to widen my social circle, to give myself a chance to learn, to explore, to experience.
That's the real me...not the one who only stand on the same place and never move.
What for to be pessimistic? What for to be sad for all what already happened?
Just the changes, inevitably one~
It's okay~ I should treat myself nicer.
I decided to move on, so I move on.
Do anything I like, with less consideration~
wish me luck friends~
Or may be, u can give me a chance too?
^^v
God bless~
Well, you know what makes me feel good?
I think, I'd found myself in the afternoon....Yeah, Im back~
The real me, is back~
I still can dance like who I used to be, I stil can sing till my heart out~
I still can do anything that I wan to~
That's all I want~
Yeah...just in a sudden, I realized....
This morning, I received an email and I know that my resume had been approved and now I have to wait for the teleinterview. Dunno y, I just strongly want the job~ Even though just as an intern and I wont be paid much. But I clearly know what I want.
I just want to move on, to know more people, to widen my social circle, to give myself a chance to learn, to explore, to experience.
That's the real me...not the one who only stand on the same place and never move.
What for to be pessimistic? What for to be sad for all what already happened?
Just the changes, inevitably one~
It's okay~ I should treat myself nicer.
I decided to move on, so I move on.
Do anything I like, with less consideration~
wish me luck friends~
Or may be, u can give me a chance too?
^^v
God bless~
Friday, May 30, 2008
~Move On~
Finally I'd done my assignment and I remember there is one sentence that I was trying hard to use creative way to write it.
"Once you open you eyes in the morning,
Look forward &
Smile away the pain & sorrow of yesterday."
- by OrangeJungle, 2008
Yeah, I used tat to remind me...move on~ move on~
Nothing is tat bad, when I willing to raise my head, and c wat is in front of me.
today, I went to MidValley, to meet up my friends who I know them in foundation.
The purpose of this gathering, is kind of like farewell, for my dearest fren, Hwan Jean~ She is going to australia in this coming July. Day looks wonderful talking with them...of coz, posing in front of the cameras is the funniest thing for today~ hahahaa........
yeah~ The gals, and the only guy for today, Jian. We all have fun, really~
Went to a kinda high-class restaurant with nice food....
everything juz great~
Yea...c, I can still move on, isnt it? Not tat bad...really....
^^v
"Once you open you eyes in the morning,
Look forward &
Smile away the pain & sorrow of yesterday."
- by OrangeJungle, 2008
Yeah, I used tat to remind me...move on~ move on~
Nothing is tat bad, when I willing to raise my head, and c wat is in front of me.
today, I went to MidValley, to meet up my friends who I know them in foundation.
The purpose of this gathering, is kind of like farewell, for my dearest fren, Hwan Jean~ She is going to australia in this coming July. Day looks wonderful talking with them...of coz, posing in front of the cameras is the funniest thing for today~ hahahaa........
yeah~ The gals, and the only guy for today, Jian. We all have fun, really~
Went to a kinda high-class restaurant with nice food....
everything juz great~
Yea...c, I can still move on, isnt it? Not tat bad...really....
^^v
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
~It's not too late~
Sometimes I juz lost, lost into la~la~ land...lost to no where~
there were many days many nights I'd lost myself~
I was trying so hard to find the way out~ I dun even know wat's wrong with me...I juz lost the ability to express myself. The feeling was hurting me, so much~
Finally, burst out and i thought it's gonna be okay after I cried...but it doesnt~
It's okay, at least, I better now~
Sometimes, when u realized life is not the bad~ There are people around me, care and love me~ Im not all alone...it's not too late, to realize tat~...
It's not too late~...
there were many days many nights I'd lost myself~
I was trying so hard to find the way out~ I dun even know wat's wrong with me...I juz lost the ability to express myself. The feeling was hurting me, so much~
Finally, burst out and i thought it's gonna be okay after I cried...but it doesnt~
It's okay, at least, I better now~
Sometimes, when u realized life is not the bad~ There are people around me, care and love me~ Im not all alone...it's not too late, to realize tat~...
It's not too late~...
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
~Wednesday's Morning~
From yesterday, I put IL-Divo, Celine Dion and Westlife songs all into my playlists~
In this early in the morning, listening to the same playlist's songs, I feeling differently~
No worries, I feel much more better~
I dreamed yday, went into La~La~ Land n juz dreaming~ Not really remember wat my dreams all about, but at least not the bad one~
So, this morning seemed great~ I'd learned stg from my dreamz~
reminded me about 'LettingGo'~
Yupe, yupe~~~~
I think, I can focus and concentrate today~ Hopefully~
Have a nice day everyone~
In this early in the morning, listening to the same playlist's songs, I feeling differently~
No worries, I feel much more better~
I dreamed yday, went into La~La~ Land n juz dreaming~ Not really remember wat my dreams all about, but at least not the bad one~
So, this morning seemed great~ I'd learned stg from my dreamz~
reminded me about 'LettingGo'~
Yupe, yupe~~~~
I think, I can focus and concentrate today~ Hopefully~
Have a nice day everyone~
Saturday, May 17, 2008
~I'm not transparent~
Juz bac from the Lang Tengah~ but somehow, im not here to talk bout it~
I trying to balance up myself, but why things happened n made me feel the same way, repeat again and again~
I had a lot of fun, meanwhile, I felt something and I dunno wat the hell kept making my heart so pain~ I hope I would like to ignore all these....but I cant~
I cant even tell wat's wrong~
I hate tat I feel it tat way, hate it, so much~
I know, no one is intent here to hurt me~ Nonverbally, indirectly...n I even believe no one realize it~ but still, hurting me~
I lost the sense of belongingness and I feeling of my priceless existence cause trouble~
but somehow, I still here, physically, completely~
Do not keep me as innocence, I feel so noob~
Things juz come to me and no one there to tell me or at least give me a clue so I can get ready and face it~
That's me, n tat's nothing wrong to be myself....
sometimes the words, will lower a person self esteem~
I should stop, and keep myself busy~
I trying to balance up myself, but why things happened n made me feel the same way, repeat again and again~
I had a lot of fun, meanwhile, I felt something and I dunno wat the hell kept making my heart so pain~ I hope I would like to ignore all these....but I cant~
I cant even tell wat's wrong~
I hate tat I feel it tat way, hate it, so much~
I know, no one is intent here to hurt me~ Nonverbally, indirectly...n I even believe no one realize it~ but still, hurting me~
I lost the sense of belongingness and I feeling of my priceless existence cause trouble~
but somehow, I still here, physically, completely~
Do not keep me as innocence, I feel so noob~
Things juz come to me and no one there to tell me or at least give me a clue so I can get ready and face it~
That's me, n tat's nothing wrong to be myself....
sometimes the words, will lower a person self esteem~
I should stop, and keep myself busy~
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
~Here I Am~
Freedom juz not enough for me all the time~
I wan more, more, and more~
Even though my holiday was gone n my new semester juz started, but i dun care anymore~
As wat my friend John had said in the class, escape from the reality~
Even juz for a short while, but tat's wat I need, or mayb, wat we need~
Lang Tengah~ Here I come~
I wan more, more, and more~
Even though my holiday was gone n my new semester juz started, but i dun care anymore~
As wat my friend John had said in the class, escape from the reality~
Even juz for a short while, but tat's wat I need, or mayb, wat we need~
Lang Tengah~ Here I come~
Friday, May 9, 2008
~In the five years future that we'd meant~
There is a promise I almost forgotten~ Thx God I've a good habit to keep myself a diary~
It's hard to describe the feeling of touch in the bottom of my heart~ The promise, means a lot for me~
I proudly announce to everyone~ I have a good friend, the best one that I can say~ We'd been through many days that I lost my count~ We used to share our feelings every night~ There is someone who gone through my old days with me~ N im glad I've someone listen to me n guided me when I was an innocent adolescence~
He get to know how was my feeling when we lined up during assembly by looked at my face~ He never hesitate to tell me the truth even though sometimes the truth hurt me~ He told me the right and wrong~ .........
I believe everyone of us used to imagine how r we going to look like in the future~ It's too fast to know when I realized we r already in the five years future that we'd meant~
I found that we had changed with the time flow non-stoply, but mostly of us remain the same~ We no longer chat everything and wat had happened in our daily lives~ With the hard days that I'd gone through, the face of me became hardly predict. Besides, we only meet each other once in a very blue moon and we began our own different lives~ That's life~ Inevitably which is understandable~
Even so, when the time we talked face to face, no matter how I'd changed, I felt the same old me was came bac~ That's real me without a mask, talking bout everything in our lives~
The nite, seemed too short for me~ So much thing tat i wanted to share i wanted to tell~ No secret, no sadness~ Openly, freely~
We both glad, to have each other, as a friend, in our lives~
I want to precious~ I will never meet another one like him~ I believe~
Thx~ Thx everything~
Wishing him always live happily with his beloved one~ He will always be~
A best friend, of mine~
It's hard to describe the feeling of touch in the bottom of my heart~ The promise, means a lot for me~
I proudly announce to everyone~ I have a good friend, the best one that I can say~ We'd been through many days that I lost my count~ We used to share our feelings every night~ There is someone who gone through my old days with me~ N im glad I've someone listen to me n guided me when I was an innocent adolescence~
He get to know how was my feeling when we lined up during assembly by looked at my face~ He never hesitate to tell me the truth even though sometimes the truth hurt me~ He told me the right and wrong~ .........
I believe everyone of us used to imagine how r we going to look like in the future~ It's too fast to know when I realized we r already in the five years future that we'd meant~
I found that we had changed with the time flow non-stoply, but mostly of us remain the same~ We no longer chat everything and wat had happened in our daily lives~ With the hard days that I'd gone through, the face of me became hardly predict. Besides, we only meet each other once in a very blue moon and we began our own different lives~ That's life~ Inevitably which is understandable~
Even so, when the time we talked face to face, no matter how I'd changed, I felt the same old me was came bac~ That's real me without a mask, talking bout everything in our lives~
The nite, seemed too short for me~ So much thing tat i wanted to share i wanted to tell~ No secret, no sadness~ Openly, freely~
We both glad, to have each other, as a friend, in our lives~
I want to precious~ I will never meet another one like him~ I believe~
Thx~ Thx everything~
Wishing him always live happily with his beloved one~ He will always be~
A best friend, of mine~
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
~Easily~
I still relaxing at last moment~ I hate why am i so easily get affected~ So, cause me changed~
I having my holiday now, but as usual, HELP Uni Col always has the shortest holiday~ two weeks holiday but I only have few days relaxing myself at my home sweet home~ It's okay, I wanna spend it fully and juz rest~ I know, another hectic new semester is coming very soon, very soon~ It juz coming but somehow is already bothering me~ >,< I need help!!!
Is again the uncertainty matter, which i hate it but gonna face it all the time~
It is especially come to adapt the changes, again n again~
There r so much thing waiting for me~ Finish reading 'The Kite Runner', arrange my timetable for tis coming new semester, set my goal n plan a bit on my future, tis n tat...I'd planned to do all these but so much distraction n most importantly, I had been influenced and get demotivated~
I think, My brain having its holiday too~ Somehow I forcing it to function for me~ But it never works tis way~
I juz need more time to digest everything and figure things out~
Wil be alrite~
I juz wan to watch a movie, Or singing~
okay~ Juz relax~
I keep telling me this, but there is stg called 'regret' go through my mind and I asking myself how can I still in holiday n going to Lang Tengah next week which the stupid hectic short semester is already started?
But no point to regret tis, I shouldnt~ There is the place I wanted to go so much~ I shouldnt think tat much n complicated myself~ OKay, is time, to learn, how to let go~
Juz, easily enough~
I having my holiday now, but as usual, HELP Uni Col always has the shortest holiday~ two weeks holiday but I only have few days relaxing myself at my home sweet home~ It's okay, I wanna spend it fully and juz rest~ I know, another hectic new semester is coming very soon, very soon~ It juz coming but somehow is already bothering me~ >,< I need help!!!
Is again the uncertainty matter, which i hate it but gonna face it all the time~
It is especially come to adapt the changes, again n again~
There r so much thing waiting for me~ Finish reading 'The Kite Runner', arrange my timetable for tis coming new semester, set my goal n plan a bit on my future, tis n tat...I'd planned to do all these but so much distraction n most importantly, I had been influenced and get demotivated~
I think, My brain having its holiday too~ Somehow I forcing it to function for me~ But it never works tis way~
I juz need more time to digest everything and figure things out~
Wil be alrite~
I juz wan to watch a movie, Or singing~
okay~ Juz relax~
I keep telling me this, but there is stg called 'regret' go through my mind and I asking myself how can I still in holiday n going to Lang Tengah next week which the stupid hectic short semester is already started?
But no point to regret tis, I shouldnt~ There is the place I wanted to go so much~ I shouldnt think tat much n complicated myself~ OKay, is time, to learn, how to let go~
Juz, easily enough~
Monday, May 5, 2008
~Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu~
Turning round and round and round~ There is the corner, I'd found~
I appreciate that, is not too late to realize~
Last weekends, I spent my day in 2 days 1 night camp~ INCOVAR Graduate Camp~ Organized by a team of experience and spiritual guys and gals~
It's been a long time, I guess since I came to this big city, I never join any religious activity other than went for churches few times brought by my frenz~
Finally, I had a chance, took part in a Buddhist camp~
Actually, it was a camp about future career~ I learned a lot more about corporate world out there~ Which is scary and full of realities~
Anyway, I too, learn about Interview Skills, Resume writing, managing career and career goals grooming and etc~ Im a student who juz stepping into Year 2, u think is tat too soon to learn all this? I definitely can say, NO~
This camp, 20++ participants in total~ Most of them are working people, and some of us still studying~ I think Fish & I were the youngest among all of them~ They had most experience speakers, awesome committee team members and also friendly participants who willing to share and care~
Asking me what had I learned, I found there r too much and I cant juz write it down all here~
It was diff from the buddhist activities tat I had been taking part before, maybe it was the first time I involved myself in English version camp~ I din know Buddhism is tat advance already~ They even have Hymns Singing, it sound a bit like those church songs~ but yet, is so nice to hear and sing altogether~
I know more about myself via Harrison Assessment, but it still shocked to know that i have most trait and suitable become a creative writer, poets or lyrists~ haha~
Meditation too, gave me peace and serenity~
Besides, I dun even know tat my email address cause trouble~ Maybe not yet, but soon will be~
orangejungle88@hotmail.com, means a lot to someone going to hire me in the future~ What impression u hav when u looking at this email? I juz curious...using it for around 10 years time, the first time i realize, while the time i growing up or growing old, nothing is permanent and need to change~
There is the lesson benefit me for my whole life, i believe~ Adapt to change and realize nothing is permanent in this universe~ and finally i found the reason why, Im such a indecisive person~ Becoz, I never learn how to let go~ Letting go, not becoz it sound chic or wat~ It is becoz the limitation a human being having and going through~ Nothing can be perfect and I hardly I can maintain everything good and best~ It juz all bout the matter of, Letting Go~
I do appreciate the new frens i get to know, even though we not really know each other in juz two days time~ Is always good to knw more people coz i always believe everyone of us has a particular and unique story hiding behind~ I love stories~
My heart, had been touched for several times and there r so much lessons I had learnt~
I appreciate everything tat i have~
I appreciate that, is not too late to realize~
Last weekends, I spent my day in 2 days 1 night camp~ INCOVAR Graduate Camp~ Organized by a team of experience and spiritual guys and gals~
It's been a long time, I guess since I came to this big city, I never join any religious activity other than went for churches few times brought by my frenz~
Finally, I had a chance, took part in a Buddhist camp~
Actually, it was a camp about future career~ I learned a lot more about corporate world out there~ Which is scary and full of realities~
Anyway, I too, learn about Interview Skills, Resume writing, managing career and career goals grooming and etc~ Im a student who juz stepping into Year 2, u think is tat too soon to learn all this? I definitely can say, NO~
This camp, 20++ participants in total~ Most of them are working people, and some of us still studying~ I think Fish & I were the youngest among all of them~ They had most experience speakers, awesome committee team members and also friendly participants who willing to share and care~
Asking me what had I learned, I found there r too much and I cant juz write it down all here~
It was diff from the buddhist activities tat I had been taking part before, maybe it was the first time I involved myself in English version camp~ I din know Buddhism is tat advance already~ They even have Hymns Singing, it sound a bit like those church songs~ but yet, is so nice to hear and sing altogether~
I know more about myself via Harrison Assessment, but it still shocked to know that i have most trait and suitable become a creative writer, poets or lyrists~ haha~
Meditation too, gave me peace and serenity~
Besides, I dun even know tat my email address cause trouble~ Maybe not yet, but soon will be~
orangejungle88@hotmail.com, means a lot to someone going to hire me in the future~ What impression u hav when u looking at this email? I juz curious...using it for around 10 years time, the first time i realize, while the time i growing up or growing old, nothing is permanent and need to change~
There is the lesson benefit me for my whole life, i believe~ Adapt to change and realize nothing is permanent in this universe~ and finally i found the reason why, Im such a indecisive person~ Becoz, I never learn how to let go~ Letting go, not becoz it sound chic or wat~ It is becoz the limitation a human being having and going through~ Nothing can be perfect and I hardly I can maintain everything good and best~ It juz all bout the matter of, Letting Go~
I do appreciate the new frens i get to know, even though we not really know each other in juz two days time~ Is always good to knw more people coz i always believe everyone of us has a particular and unique story hiding behind~ I love stories~
My heart, had been touched for several times and there r so much lessons I had learnt~
I appreciate everything tat i have~
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
~Is not really hurt, although is still hurting~
I tot i had stated it clearly, I tot that was obvious enough~
but i realized tat dun always tot about wat wat wat, but hav to think!!!
I din blame anyone gave me a lot of judgement, coz i caused all these~
I should say it directly, I should say it faster or even from the early beginning~
Again, no one to blame, but me~
Sometimes, there is always so much of uncertainty tat bothering me~
It made me do nothing in my further plan but stuck on it~ tat's really wat i hate the most~ i hate waiting for nothing~ I hate that I lied for nothing, too~ Dont u think it is understandable?
When there were too much changes tat i cant juz accept n nob my head.....i found myself hav the prob dealing with changes~
I juz wan to talk bout it~ talk everything tat i keeping in my heart~ I juz wan to find a way out~ BUt i guess the timing is not rite....so it led to misunderstand~
It's okay~ I juz hav no idea...y I still feeling hurts~
To be mature, is a lesson that everyone should learn all the time~ Even u r stepping into 20~ but the age doesnt mean tat u mature enough to handle everything which may happen or is already happening~ Our brain, will stil stuck in somewhere sometime~
but i realized tat dun always tot about wat wat wat, but hav to think!!!
I din blame anyone gave me a lot of judgement, coz i caused all these~
I should say it directly, I should say it faster or even from the early beginning~
Again, no one to blame, but me~
Sometimes, there is always so much of uncertainty tat bothering me~
It made me do nothing in my further plan but stuck on it~ tat's really wat i hate the most~ i hate waiting for nothing~ I hate that I lied for nothing, too~ Dont u think it is understandable?
When there were too much changes tat i cant juz accept n nob my head.....i found myself hav the prob dealing with changes~
I juz wan to talk bout it~ talk everything tat i keeping in my heart~ I juz wan to find a way out~ BUt i guess the timing is not rite....so it led to misunderstand~
It's okay~ I juz hav no idea...y I still feeling hurts~
To be mature, is a lesson that everyone should learn all the time~ Even u r stepping into 20~ but the age doesnt mean tat u mature enough to handle everything which may happen or is already happening~ Our brain, will stil stuck in somewhere sometime~
Sunday, April 27, 2008
~If I die...~
The moments in the kitchen still flashing in my mind~
I was thinking, if i juz die, dun cry for me~~~
Well, sometimes accident did happen....without giving u any sign~
I wondered how lucky I was...Juz one step different, I'd saved my life~
If the time the fire and the boiling water come to me, n burn my body...
I wont be here n typing telling wat had happened on me here~
So i do appreciate...but i was shocked, scared.......even now, still in unstable condition, with a bit hand shaking~
there r always a lot of assumptions my brain has making automatically, how if I kena burn n no one there since im all alone in this 'haunted' house? how if I cant even scream coz no one able to get into this house n offer their help? Am i able to save myself? all da way to upstair and call someone to help? All bout Home Alone!!! And I was suspicious....on my own~
I told my best fren thru msn....dun cry for me, if i die one day~
I get no response~ Mayb she was thinking how she going to response~
I know im stupid enough to say tat~ But tat's wat im thinking all the time~
Sometimes, i doubt in me~ I doubt, in everything~
I was thinking, if i juz die, dun cry for me~~~
Well, sometimes accident did happen....without giving u any sign~
I wondered how lucky I was...Juz one step different, I'd saved my life~
If the time the fire and the boiling water come to me, n burn my body...
I wont be here n typing telling wat had happened on me here~
So i do appreciate...but i was shocked, scared.......even now, still in unstable condition, with a bit hand shaking~
there r always a lot of assumptions my brain has making automatically, how if I kena burn n no one there since im all alone in this 'haunted' house? how if I cant even scream coz no one able to get into this house n offer their help? Am i able to save myself? all da way to upstair and call someone to help? All bout Home Alone!!! And I was suspicious....on my own~
I told my best fren thru msn....dun cry for me, if i die one day~
I get no response~ Mayb she was thinking how she going to response~
I know im stupid enough to say tat~ But tat's wat im thinking all the time~
Sometimes, i doubt in me~ I doubt, in everything~
Monday, April 21, 2008
~I can't blame~
There are plenty of times i tried to sort things out~ Since when I found it so hard to say something out, something from the bottom of my heart? ~
I can't blame that i have no one to listen to me, coz it's not the case~
It juz my prob, failing again and again~
Every things linking to each other and caused the now me~
I still remember the call right after i stepped out from the building after my 2nd paper exam~
I heard the worries~ But i do nothing and im not able to add in or say out the worries i feel~ It will only make things worst~ So, i keep it to me~ Dunno wat is the stupid disease bothering my dear sis~ Praying hard for her, will be alright~ Im sure~ Coz my sis is a super duper good people who i love so so much~
Especially talking with my mum~ I strongly feel wan to go bac home~ I juz miss home~ I have to be with them even though i do nothing for help~
Recently, all the stress juz come to me altogether!!! i tot im able to handle it, but somehow the emotional unstable on me proved before i speak~ I trying to be okay, be strong~ This period, is tough for everyone~ If im become one of the weak one, where is the balance that we should seek with?
I had a great moment in genting today~ enjoyed and had fun~ but somehow, there were times tat i feel wanted to cry~ when my dearest hugging me, when i feel the mist on the air.....today, is not a good day~ when i also experienced all the things tat happened which made me feel so insecure~
I hate everything but so helpless tat i cant change anything~
thing juz easy and im the only one who complicate and mess up everything~
Juz give me a breath~ when i realize, i strongly feel wan to cry but my tears juz not willing to come out~
somehow, i cant blame~
I can't blame that i have no one to listen to me, coz it's not the case~
It juz my prob, failing again and again~
Every things linking to each other and caused the now me~
I still remember the call right after i stepped out from the building after my 2nd paper exam~
I heard the worries~ But i do nothing and im not able to add in or say out the worries i feel~ It will only make things worst~ So, i keep it to me~ Dunno wat is the stupid disease bothering my dear sis~ Praying hard for her, will be alright~ Im sure~ Coz my sis is a super duper good people who i love so so much~
Especially talking with my mum~ I strongly feel wan to go bac home~ I juz miss home~ I have to be with them even though i do nothing for help~
Recently, all the stress juz come to me altogether!!! i tot im able to handle it, but somehow the emotional unstable on me proved before i speak~ I trying to be okay, be strong~ This period, is tough for everyone~ If im become one of the weak one, where is the balance that we should seek with?
I had a great moment in genting today~ enjoyed and had fun~ but somehow, there were times tat i feel wanted to cry~ when my dearest hugging me, when i feel the mist on the air.....today, is not a good day~ when i also experienced all the things tat happened which made me feel so insecure~
I hate everything but so helpless tat i cant change anything~
thing juz easy and im the only one who complicate and mess up everything~
Juz give me a breath~ when i realize, i strongly feel wan to cry but my tears juz not willing to come out~
somehow, i cant blame~
Thursday, April 17, 2008
~I HATE everything, @ tis moment~
ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I juz want to scream, i hope i can scream~
Dunno wat's wrong with me again~ Is already the second time in today~~~~~
I woke up early but stuck half way n somebody and something made me felt wrong and i juz cant help it~ I stand up and wanted to calm myself down~ I feel like throwing thing but i cant~ i know i hav to control myself~
I juz hate~ Hate everything i do, everything i see, everything i hear, everything~
JUST EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!! if now, u wil get ur head chop off!!!!!
I hate...................me~ I hate to be compared and realized that i never really did well~
FINE~~~~~~~
JUZ FINE~~~~~~~~~
I juz want to scream, i hope i can scream~
Dunno wat's wrong with me again~ Is already the second time in today~~~~~
I woke up early but stuck half way n somebody and something made me felt wrong and i juz cant help it~ I stand up and wanted to calm myself down~ I feel like throwing thing but i cant~ i know i hav to control myself~
I juz hate~ Hate everything i do, everything i see, everything i hear, everything~
JUST EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!! if now, u wil get ur head chop off!!!!!
I hate...................me~ I hate to be compared and realized that i never really did well~
FINE~~~~~~~
JUZ FINE~~~~~~~~~
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
~6 o'clock in the morning~
yeah~ It's 6am~
I have to get away from my bed, even though still wearing the pyjamas, with half open eyes~
*YAWN*
Im tired~ But i found that i have no time!!!
ColourWolf once told me that his taekwando master said, "only dead people have no time!"
How true is it, but then, the conclusion i have is, I AM DEAD PEOPLE!!!
oh my gosh~
Tat's stg bad, real bad~
Anything la!!! I juz try my best to fight~
Am i able to do it? even me myself, asking bout it coz im doubting~
OKAY~ FINE~
I have to get away from my bed, even though still wearing the pyjamas, with half open eyes~
*YAWN*
Im tired~ But i found that i have no time!!!
ColourWolf once told me that his taekwando master said, "only dead people have no time!"
How true is it, but then, the conclusion i have is, I AM DEAD PEOPLE!!!
oh my gosh~
Tat's stg bad, real bad~
Anything la!!! I juz try my best to fight~
Am i able to do it? even me myself, asking bout it coz im doubting~
OKAY~ FINE~
Saturday, April 12, 2008
~Dont complicated~
Well, this Sunday, is a bit different~
I cleaned all my stuff once i got off from my bed early in the morning and i made myself a cup of chocolate milk~
Yeah, I love it, so much~ Everything i did had brighten up my whole day, i hope~
I just heard a song, 'I'm Yours' by Jason Martz
Part of the lyric is touching my heart, deeply~
So i wan to share it with you all~
I cleaned all my stuff once i got off from my bed early in the morning and i made myself a cup of chocolate milk~
Yeah, I love it, so much~ Everything i did had brighten up my whole day, i hope~
I just heard a song, 'I'm Yours' by Jason Martz
Part of the lyric is touching my heart, deeply~
So i wan to share it with you all~
Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
Ah, la peaceful melodys
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love love
So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
Ah, la peaceful melodys
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love love
So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
Is so true, dont u agree with it?
Our time, is so short~ why messed up everything and bothered every single details?
Anyway, i still learning, take thing easy, n remind myself, no pain, no gain~
Everything is going to be okay~
Im sure~
Our time, is so short~ why messed up everything and bothered every single details?
Anyway, i still learning, take thing easy, n remind myself, no pain, no gain~
Everything is going to be okay~
Im sure~
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
~Just giv me silence peace, so hard?~
Since when, I found that i was lost in the middle road and strongly feel to give up~
It's been a long time, i never feel so stress until i feel like want to cry....
I thought i can handle the stress quite well.....but i think im wrong~
This semester, really sucks~
Next week is already my final, i still have one quiz tomorrow and another one which worth 15% quiz in next monday. and next Wed i have one final exam paper, but Friday there is one presentation waiting for me and also the assignment due date.......
It's driving me crazy~ Damn so crazy~
I cant even concentrate on every single thing....
I wan to aim higher but i juz couldnt~
I still wanna go study oversea but the requirements scared me. Here, another pressure that comes to me.
I just need a moment which is relax with silence peace.....but the stupid bloody construction in front of my house.....woke me up at 8am every morning!!!!! i cant even take my nap!!! Air and sound polluted.....I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
really hate!!!
I endure it for almost whole semester......u tortured me for whole semester!!!!!!!!!!!
OH MY GOSH!!!!
u made me hate to stay at home!!!!!!!!!!!
okay~....
it's driving me crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's been a long time, i never feel so stress until i feel like want to cry....
I thought i can handle the stress quite well.....but i think im wrong~
This semester, really sucks~
Next week is already my final, i still have one quiz tomorrow and another one which worth 15% quiz in next monday. and next Wed i have one final exam paper, but Friday there is one presentation waiting for me and also the assignment due date.......
It's driving me crazy~ Damn so crazy~
I cant even concentrate on every single thing....
I wan to aim higher but i juz couldnt~
I still wanna go study oversea but the requirements scared me. Here, another pressure that comes to me.
I just need a moment which is relax with silence peace.....but the stupid bloody construction in front of my house.....woke me up at 8am every morning!!!!! i cant even take my nap!!! Air and sound polluted.....I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
really hate!!!
I endure it for almost whole semester......u tortured me for whole semester!!!!!!!!!!!
OH MY GOSH!!!!
u made me hate to stay at home!!!!!!!!!!!
okay~....
it's driving me crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, April 4, 2008
~Decision to make~
I thought i can jz cover my eyes and go through this, which i thought will be best to spend my holiday~
but there is always something existed and forcing me to compare the pros and cons, even compare, which is worth to do it.
i asked, y i always get into these situations, my fren said, my personality does play a role. Oh, really? my personality caused all these? Perhaps. i took some times to wonder bout tis~
the indecisive of me, make me search for confirmation from others, from someone i trusted and know me well.
no matter how, at least, i had made up my mind, and i hope, i had made a right decision with no regrets. i appreciated everyone who were there and giving me opinions patiently. I really hope.........
but there is always something existed and forcing me to compare the pros and cons, even compare, which is worth to do it.
i asked, y i always get into these situations, my fren said, my personality does play a role. Oh, really? my personality caused all these? Perhaps. i took some times to wonder bout tis~
the indecisive of me, make me search for confirmation from others, from someone i trusted and know me well.
no matter how, at least, i had made up my mind, and i hope, i had made a right decision with no regrets. i appreciated everyone who were there and giving me opinions patiently. I really hope.........
Sunday, March 23, 2008
~Find my way~
Colbie Calliat's songs are playing again n again~
I need this sort of music, so i can hav a peace...
Realized, i'd been 4 days din go to college even though i was not having any holiday~ I should, take this chance to go bac home, yeah.....I SHOULD~
but these days, seemed long, but short~ all juz gone in a wink second~
I was thinking, i kept myself busy on and off, wat's the point?
Sometimes i juz cant find my way out~ I hate the feeling that i am doing something empty, which is nothing~
It doesnt really a matter, tat's life, u gone thru 10 days and there is only one day u found out it is meaningful~ One day, is better than none~ i trying to think positively~
Yday, while i was reading Lokido's blog, every word and picture about his life in UK, made me wondered~ tat's the life i desire to have, tat's the way i can find my way out, tat's it!!!! Both of us are typical sagittarian, there r many similarities between us, the way our brain function and the perspective of our lives.
It's time, to do more research on it~ Australia? or UK?
Im waiting, the answer, the true answer from the bottom of my heart~
I need this sort of music, so i can hav a peace...
Realized, i'd been 4 days din go to college even though i was not having any holiday~ I should, take this chance to go bac home, yeah.....I SHOULD~
but these days, seemed long, but short~ all juz gone in a wink second~
I was thinking, i kept myself busy on and off, wat's the point?
Sometimes i juz cant find my way out~ I hate the feeling that i am doing something empty, which is nothing~
It doesnt really a matter, tat's life, u gone thru 10 days and there is only one day u found out it is meaningful~ One day, is better than none~ i trying to think positively~
Yday, while i was reading Lokido's blog, every word and picture about his life in UK, made me wondered~ tat's the life i desire to have, tat's the way i can find my way out, tat's it!!!! Both of us are typical sagittarian, there r many similarities between us, the way our brain function and the perspective of our lives.
It's time, to do more research on it~ Australia? or UK?
Im waiting, the answer, the true answer from the bottom of my heart~
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
~Great great nite~
Is already 5 o'clock early in the morning, n guess where had i been?
Yeah...Clubbing~ the very first experience in KL city~ which is great, real great~
It was without any early plan like what we should do. It was already 10pm tat time when i nudge my friend and simply said 'let's go yum cha!' Then he told me, he was preparing to party~
I din know, not even expected, i just joined them, such easy and simple without any much consideration~ Tat's not impulsion, i know it very clear~ Im rational~ I know wat im doing~
Is a fren, best fren of mine which i know him for many years, i do trust him~ Tat's y, i know everything is going to be alright~ in addition, it was a tough nite b4 i stepped out nicely from the house. yeah, i even desperate juz to walk out from the house to take a nice breath~ Thx my fren had given me a very good opportunity to join the great nite.
yeah, i had a lot of fun, a looooooooooooooooot of fun~
After P24 dance marathon which I danced till very crazy, it's about 2 months later, i had my second craziest moment~ It was great, really great~
Four guys and six gals, one couple from them, all of them is so nice and friendly. I do love them so so much~ even though, who knows we not going to remember each other when u awake the next day~ haha~ who knows rite? But i did sincere and cherish the moment with them.
dance, i juz dance, watever i wan, followed the music, juz dance with the every single beat. I love dancing, if u know me, u know tat too~ i dun even care wat other ppl think bout me, is really hard to get the chance i presented myself without a mask. So i enjoyed it~
For me, is not a bad thing~ I had only drank 2 or 3 cup of beers, tat's all~ i spent most of time, dance, dance, n dance. N one thing i should mention, we went into the ice bar which is under negative temperature. Is cold, even though i was wearing a thick jacket. but is nice, real nice~
after tat, we went for yum cha n now, here i am~
is not tat bad. dun judge those gals n guys who go clubbing is bad boy bad gal~ is juz having fun and enjoy life, but we know wat we r doing, n at least for me, i take the responsibilities on every single thing i did~ I going to step in my 20s few more months later, if u r an adult, show that u r~
tat's anothing thing which i witnessed myself n i was so touching~
I can c this clique with gals and guys, they do have a strong bond among them and they do care each other~ they din show it intentionally, n tis wat made me felt touching~ i miss my old frenz, who we used to be lik tat, care of each other sincerely~ i din mean to blame or wat, coz is not anyone fault, we juz changed, when the time is keep going on, n we juz cant help it~ thus, distance juz become far n far~
okay~
hahahahah~....shouldnt think so negative way~
well, i do appreciate all the guys' gentlemen and gals' friendliness~ thx to belanja me~ haha~
Thx thx thx~
Tonite, is going to be a great memories in my life~
Yeah...Clubbing~ the very first experience in KL city~ which is great, real great~
It was without any early plan like what we should do. It was already 10pm tat time when i nudge my friend and simply said 'let's go yum cha!' Then he told me, he was preparing to party~
I din know, not even expected, i just joined them, such easy and simple without any much consideration~ Tat's not impulsion, i know it very clear~ Im rational~ I know wat im doing~
Is a fren, best fren of mine which i know him for many years, i do trust him~ Tat's y, i know everything is going to be alright~ in addition, it was a tough nite b4 i stepped out nicely from the house. yeah, i even desperate juz to walk out from the house to take a nice breath~ Thx my fren had given me a very good opportunity to join the great nite.
yeah, i had a lot of fun, a looooooooooooooooot of fun~
After P24 dance marathon which I danced till very crazy, it's about 2 months later, i had my second craziest moment~ It was great, really great~
Four guys and six gals, one couple from them, all of them is so nice and friendly. I do love them so so much~ even though, who knows we not going to remember each other when u awake the next day~ haha~ who knows rite? But i did sincere and cherish the moment with them.
dance, i juz dance, watever i wan, followed the music, juz dance with the every single beat. I love dancing, if u know me, u know tat too~ i dun even care wat other ppl think bout me, is really hard to get the chance i presented myself without a mask. So i enjoyed it~
For me, is not a bad thing~ I had only drank 2 or 3 cup of beers, tat's all~ i spent most of time, dance, dance, n dance. N one thing i should mention, we went into the ice bar which is under negative temperature. Is cold, even though i was wearing a thick jacket. but is nice, real nice~
after tat, we went for yum cha n now, here i am~
is not tat bad. dun judge those gals n guys who go clubbing is bad boy bad gal~ is juz having fun and enjoy life, but we know wat we r doing, n at least for me, i take the responsibilities on every single thing i did~ I going to step in my 20s few more months later, if u r an adult, show that u r~
tat's anothing thing which i witnessed myself n i was so touching~
I can c this clique with gals and guys, they do have a strong bond among them and they do care each other~ they din show it intentionally, n tis wat made me felt touching~ i miss my old frenz, who we used to be lik tat, care of each other sincerely~ i din mean to blame or wat, coz is not anyone fault, we juz changed, when the time is keep going on, n we juz cant help it~ thus, distance juz become far n far~
okay~
hahahahah~....shouldnt think so negative way~
well, i do appreciate all the guys' gentlemen and gals' friendliness~ thx to belanja me~ haha~
Thx thx thx~
Tonite, is going to be a great memories in my life~
Monday, March 17, 2008
~Juz the questions~
Really fortunately, rain started when i juz stepped into my shelter~
Still thundering and flashing, wondering whether i should off my comp n routers?
Can i juz be someone who doesnt care with everything? can i b selfish? irresponsibility?
Sometimes is juz hard to understand~ and i getting tired of reading others' mind~
Thx for ur honest to telling me all these, but somehow i feel uncomfortable with ur honesty in so direct way~
Or i should think it another way, everyone of us wants to live with someone who we can obtain the advantages? Mayb tat is human nature, then y would i so mind with this statement? bcoz im one of them? or i realized tat i cant benefit anyone else around me? tat's a shame!!! tat's a humiliation~ so dun judge or state it out even though is true for u~
all the human being is doomed to live together, tat's y communication is so essential in our daily lives~ is true to be frankly, but we do have to consider, what we should and should not to be honest~
well~ juz a small matter~
Still thundering and flashing, wondering whether i should off my comp n routers?
Can i juz be someone who doesnt care with everything? can i b selfish? irresponsibility?
Sometimes is juz hard to understand~ and i getting tired of reading others' mind~
Thx for ur honest to telling me all these, but somehow i feel uncomfortable with ur honesty in so direct way~
Or i should think it another way, everyone of us wants to live with someone who we can obtain the advantages? Mayb tat is human nature, then y would i so mind with this statement? bcoz im one of them? or i realized tat i cant benefit anyone else around me? tat's a shame!!! tat's a humiliation~ so dun judge or state it out even though is true for u~
all the human being is doomed to live together, tat's y communication is so essential in our daily lives~ is true to be frankly, but we do have to consider, what we should and should not to be honest~
well~ juz a small matter~
Thursday, March 6, 2008
~Is all bout changing?~
Well, juz came bac hanging around with frenz~
it is a nite i used so much of my brain~ While i was having fun talking bout all the theories of life, experiences, diff point of views n all these stuff, i really thinking deeply~
is it really all bout changing? yeah, is not easy to get a person adapt in changing~ but i like changing , as in try the new experiences n new person to talk to, etc.etc~
but when come to the changing of myself, im thinking deeply and hardly~
wat i really want? i dun know~
wat i thinking bout my real self? i dun know~
wat i gonna do next to change? i dun know~
all these 'dunno' answer keep repeating and i hate it~ even fed up of this stupid answer~
but i really wan to find out the real answers~
it's another long nite for me i guess~
coz i feel restless, even sadness~
anyway, after talking with my frenz, i realized stg~ at least, i had been inspired through the whole conversations~
mayb, now, is another turning point of my life~ i dun know~ but at least i should try to make everything better but not remain standing right there n do nothing~
i can go thru it i guess~ as long as being myself and seeking higher self-esteem to reach my goals~
dun think complicated~ it's really tiring~
it is a nite i used so much of my brain~ While i was having fun talking bout all the theories of life, experiences, diff point of views n all these stuff, i really thinking deeply~
is it really all bout changing? yeah, is not easy to get a person adapt in changing~ but i like changing , as in try the new experiences n new person to talk to, etc.etc~
but when come to the changing of myself, im thinking deeply and hardly~
wat i really want? i dun know~
wat i thinking bout my real self? i dun know~
wat i gonna do next to change? i dun know~
all these 'dunno' answer keep repeating and i hate it~ even fed up of this stupid answer~
but i really wan to find out the real answers~
it's another long nite for me i guess~
coz i feel restless, even sadness~
anyway, after talking with my frenz, i realized stg~ at least, i had been inspired through the whole conversations~
mayb, now, is another turning point of my life~ i dun know~ but at least i should try to make everything better but not remain standing right there n do nothing~
i can go thru it i guess~ as long as being myself and seeking higher self-esteem to reach my goals~
dun think complicated~ it's really tiring~
~Today~
Juz came bac from college and now is so so so tired esp my legs~ I really wondering how's the gal running with the high heels? i juz standing n walking....damn so tired weh~
well, it was a big event organized by all psychology students n i am one of them~ to be honest, i dun really feel i belonged to the team until today~ perhaps because i only took part in the half way, i seldom voice out during the meetings bcoz i dunno wat was really happening~ n mayb bcoz of tat, i did not felt the commitment with tis whole event~ anyway, i was in the publicity team and helped out to spread to everyone bout tis event~ it gave me the chances talking to the strangers and from there i'd discovered any kinds of ppl in this world~ it's ok if u dun bother what is going on outside there but somehow i found tat, they dun even know wat is manner all about~
nvm, at least, i tried~ but frankly, as Fishy said, we were demotivated from varieties of negative responses we had~ i had voiced out during our last meeting after the career fair ended greatly~ finally, finally i had voiced out from bottom of my heart wat i felt all the time while~ there were few times been asking for help but the time juz not right n i was rejected it, but everytime i did tat, i felt so guilty~ Even sometimes when others were praising for the great job which had been done by the committees, i was wondering, n asking myself, did i really helped out? did i really do all the jobs? did i really contributed?
Thx Mr.Kumar, his words made me feel good, yeah, at least, i really tried my very best, though not as much as efforts other ppl made~ i cant comparing this, i know~ But i know, i could do better~
Life is all bout learning, meeting up new frenz, having fun.....today, is a good day for me~ Although i feeling bad now which caused by the caffeine inside the coffee.
I stil want to say, thx everyone, congratulations for all the great jobs, esp Nicholas, he is really a good leader tat i respect~ n oso Leong, John......etc.etc.etc~
there were many lessons i learned from it~
however, 2day, the last day of this event, i felt i was in it~ i had a great time with all my frenz~
Life, is sometimes complicated, but there is still stg to look for~
cheers~
well, it was a big event organized by all psychology students n i am one of them~ to be honest, i dun really feel i belonged to the team until today~ perhaps because i only took part in the half way, i seldom voice out during the meetings bcoz i dunno wat was really happening~ n mayb bcoz of tat, i did not felt the commitment with tis whole event~ anyway, i was in the publicity team and helped out to spread to everyone bout tis event~ it gave me the chances talking to the strangers and from there i'd discovered any kinds of ppl in this world~ it's ok if u dun bother what is going on outside there but somehow i found tat, they dun even know wat is manner all about~
nvm, at least, i tried~ but frankly, as Fishy said, we were demotivated from varieties of negative responses we had~ i had voiced out during our last meeting after the career fair ended greatly~ finally, finally i had voiced out from bottom of my heart wat i felt all the time while~ there were few times been asking for help but the time juz not right n i was rejected it, but everytime i did tat, i felt so guilty~ Even sometimes when others were praising for the great job which had been done by the committees, i was wondering, n asking myself, did i really helped out? did i really do all the jobs? did i really contributed?
Thx Mr.Kumar, his words made me feel good, yeah, at least, i really tried my very best, though not as much as efforts other ppl made~ i cant comparing this, i know~ But i know, i could do better~
Life is all bout learning, meeting up new frenz, having fun.....today, is a good day for me~ Although i feeling bad now which caused by the caffeine inside the coffee.
I stil want to say, thx everyone, congratulations for all the great jobs, esp Nicholas, he is really a good leader tat i respect~ n oso Leong, John......etc.etc.etc~
there were many lessons i learned from it~
however, 2day, the last day of this event, i felt i was in it~ i had a great time with all my frenz~
Life, is sometimes complicated, but there is still stg to look for~
cheers~
Monday, March 3, 2008
~Hardly understand...~
Do u know, there are so many people in this country, some are good, some are bad~
When u meet the good one, he/she is most probably will brighten up your day~
However, if u meet the bad one, he/she would just ruined your day, or even worst~
Unfortunately, i met one stupid idiot today~ who knows, because of this pretty gal, i gonna fail my subject and spend another thousand to retake a subject. Mayb not tat worst, but who knows, rite?
Yeah,every semester, my psychology department will carry on a lot of experiments for psychology students to sign up. it is compulsory for every core subjects and can gain extra bonus marks through tat as well~
Then, 2day, my friends and i had signed up for one experiment. it was 3pm session~ Right after our class at 2.30pm, i only had juz enough time for me to grab a tuna bun as my lunch n headed to take Help Bus going to another Block to attend the experiment. Mana tau, the uncle driver dunno went to where, we waited inside the bus for about 10 minutes. when we reached there, 2.55pm~ Phew, at least we still have few more minutes~
I jz felt not right when we were fastened our steps hoping we wont be late for tat~ It was like a bad feeling telling me it's gonna not alright~
When we arrived, the lab's door havent close yet and we thanks god that we were not been late~ The guy who is one of the experimenter told us politely that they ady found other students to replace our place and maybe we juz cancel our name so that our marks wont get deducted. Then, there was a gal suddenly appeared in front our sight n gave us a stupid look and said "NO, You all were late. So of coz hav to minus marks!!!"
What the hell is this? We tried hard to come on time and juz one minute! ONE minute!!!! we cant take part then is ok, y must said till like ours fault? we already damn pissed off~ we were not absent without a reason so u can juz minus the marks as u like~ We decided to argue back, so we were waiting outside until they finished the experiment. We knocked the door politely and told them the reasons why. But tat stupid idiot, said "we had given u 5 minutes then y u al stil late?" we said NO! tat time only 3.01pm k? we had class before tat and we really tried to come on time but no one of us can juz drive the bus!!!! then she said "No! we are following the real watch! you all were late and sorry, hav to minus marks!" what will she gain for her determination? she juz wont help us~
okay~ let say is our fault. It could be easy to help us juz cancel our name rite?
fine~ fine~ it's alright~ juz minus 0.25 marks anyway~
Until i got bac home n checked thru net, i discovered that we had been minus 2 marks!!!
HELLO! 2 ï¼ï¼¡ï¼²ï¼«ï¼³!!!!
it gonna take another 4 hours take part the experiments only we can gain bac the 2 marks!!!!
you can choose to be devil or angel~ you can juz offer ur help and the appreciation you get will makes ur day good bcoz u did a good thing. but you can juz ignore to help and wat you deserve is all critiques and even bad words. It is all depends on you~
If we hav no reasons, i wont be so pissed off~
aiks~
anyway, wish me luck~ for my presentation 2ml~
When u meet the good one, he/she is most probably will brighten up your day~
However, if u meet the bad one, he/she would just ruined your day, or even worst~
Unfortunately, i met one stupid idiot today~ who knows, because of this pretty gal, i gonna fail my subject and spend another thousand to retake a subject. Mayb not tat worst, but who knows, rite?
Yeah,every semester, my psychology department will carry on a lot of experiments for psychology students to sign up. it is compulsory for every core subjects and can gain extra bonus marks through tat as well~
Then, 2day, my friends and i had signed up for one experiment. it was 3pm session~ Right after our class at 2.30pm, i only had juz enough time for me to grab a tuna bun as my lunch n headed to take Help Bus going to another Block to attend the experiment. Mana tau, the uncle driver dunno went to where, we waited inside the bus for about 10 minutes. when we reached there, 2.55pm~ Phew, at least we still have few more minutes~
I jz felt not right when we were fastened our steps hoping we wont be late for tat~ It was like a bad feeling telling me it's gonna not alright~
When we arrived, the lab's door havent close yet and we thanks god that we were not been late~ The guy who is one of the experimenter told us politely that they ady found other students to replace our place and maybe we juz cancel our name so that our marks wont get deducted. Then, there was a gal suddenly appeared in front our sight n gave us a stupid look and said "NO, You all were late. So of coz hav to minus marks!!!"
What the hell is this? We tried hard to come on time and juz one minute! ONE minute!!!! we cant take part then is ok, y must said till like ours fault? we already damn pissed off~ we were not absent without a reason so u can juz minus the marks as u like~ We decided to argue back, so we were waiting outside until they finished the experiment. We knocked the door politely and told them the reasons why. But tat stupid idiot, said "we had given u 5 minutes then y u al stil late?" we said NO! tat time only 3.01pm k? we had class before tat and we really tried to come on time but no one of us can juz drive the bus!!!! then she said "No! we are following the real watch! you all were late and sorry, hav to minus marks!" what will she gain for her determination? she juz wont help us~
okay~ let say is our fault. It could be easy to help us juz cancel our name rite?
fine~ fine~ it's alright~ juz minus 0.25 marks anyway~
Until i got bac home n checked thru net, i discovered that we had been minus 2 marks!!!
HELLO! 2 ï¼ï¼¡ï¼²ï¼«ï¼³!!!!
it gonna take another 4 hours take part the experiments only we can gain bac the 2 marks!!!!
you can choose to be devil or angel~ you can juz offer ur help and the appreciation you get will makes ur day good bcoz u did a good thing. but you can juz ignore to help and wat you deserve is all critiques and even bad words. It is all depends on you~
If we hav no reasons, i wont be so pissed off~
aiks~
anyway, wish me luck~ for my presentation 2ml~
Monday, February 25, 2008
~Tuna Egg~
When the time i opened my eyes, i had decided, let yesterday, stay in there~
I wan my day becomes good day, no more bad days is a little promise i made for myself~
Everything is going to be alright~ isnt it?
Well, yday, had a stupid quarrel wif the king of my house~ Juz becoz of small little tiny thing~ Time was juz not right, i couldnt endure like wat i always did~ It was reached my limit~ Just the same like volcano poured out molten rock~ Had u seen b4? i bet u did~ No matter gals or guys always did tat~ Bcoz human juz equals with emotional animal~
I had gone thru plenty of bad days tat i wish i never been~ Coz is hurt, really hurt.....
Im not tat tough tat u think, Im only human~ AND, im a gal~ Plz dun forget this fact~
Well, well, well....
it's gonna b okay~
I cooked myself yummy tuna egg with bread, it did brighten up my day~
No more bad days, k?
For this moment, i dun believe in fate~ I believe, i can change, with my own hands~
I do hav a brain!!!!
I wan my day becomes good day, no more bad days is a little promise i made for myself~
Everything is going to be alright~ isnt it?
Well, yday, had a stupid quarrel wif the king of my house~ Juz becoz of small little tiny thing~ Time was juz not right, i couldnt endure like wat i always did~ It was reached my limit~ Just the same like volcano poured out molten rock~ Had u seen b4? i bet u did~ No matter gals or guys always did tat~ Bcoz human juz equals with emotional animal~
I had gone thru plenty of bad days tat i wish i never been~ Coz is hurt, really hurt.....
Im not tat tough tat u think, Im only human~ AND, im a gal~ Plz dun forget this fact~
Well, well, well....
it's gonna b okay~
I cooked myself yummy tuna egg with bread, it did brighten up my day~
No more bad days, k?
For this moment, i dun believe in fate~ I believe, i can change, with my own hands~
I do hav a brain!!!!
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
~I feel myself~
Sometimes there is juz a chance, or juz a mission, when u do it, u feel it~
Feel what? Me, myself~
Recently, i was taking part in publicity team of Chap Goh Mei Celebration which organized by Chinese Culture Society~ My fren Turtly, put a lot of efforts in tat~
Yday, It's quite a sudden, i gonna take part in almost every performances~ Singing, cross talk (xiang sheng) n oso the fashion show~
How long tat i never go on stage? it's quite a pretty long time~ but i miss, miss the stage, so so much~
I did all my very best, n i had fun, it's quite enjoyable with a big throng of frenz~
I realized something tat i never discover in almost 20 years~ Haha~ i never know, tat i can do quite well in fashion roadshow~ Hahaha....thx to give me the chance~
Well~ well~ well~ i lost my voice today~ At nite, i going to perform already...so i doubting, am i able to do the best? i wondering~
Feel what? Me, myself~
Recently, i was taking part in publicity team of Chap Goh Mei Celebration which organized by Chinese Culture Society~ My fren Turtly, put a lot of efforts in tat~
Yday, It's quite a sudden, i gonna take part in almost every performances~ Singing, cross talk (xiang sheng) n oso the fashion show~
How long tat i never go on stage? it's quite a pretty long time~ but i miss, miss the stage, so so much~
I did all my very best, n i had fun, it's quite enjoyable with a big throng of frenz~
I realized something tat i never discover in almost 20 years~ Haha~ i never know, tat i can do quite well in fashion roadshow~ Hahaha....thx to give me the chance~
Well~ well~ well~ i lost my voice today~ At nite, i going to perform already...so i doubting, am i able to do the best? i wondering~
Monday, February 18, 2008
~Sorry, means nothing~
Busy Busy BUsy!!!!!!!
yeah...im busy!!!! it might be true, but deep inside my heart telling me, that's juz an excuse!!!
watever~ i dun wanna care tat much~ y must i thinking everything in details? y must i care bout everything? y i put weight on mine shoulder by my hands? y i take everything as my own responsibility?
I feel stupid, i feel cheated!!!!
It juz a small matter until i cant tell, coz u most probably think tat's nothing! juz a small tiny prob! but it meant to me~ really~
I juz wanna b polite, i thought i jz did the right things as a fren, but i think it was too much~
okay, i deserved it~
watever it may be.....for me, for now, sorry, means nothing to me~
yeah...im busy!!!! it might be true, but deep inside my heart telling me, that's juz an excuse!!!
watever~ i dun wanna care tat much~ y must i thinking everything in details? y must i care bout everything? y i put weight on mine shoulder by my hands? y i take everything as my own responsibility?
I feel stupid, i feel cheated!!!!
It juz a small matter until i cant tell, coz u most probably think tat's nothing! juz a small tiny prob! but it meant to me~ really~
I juz wanna b polite, i thought i jz did the right things as a fren, but i think it was too much~
okay, i deserved it~
watever it may be.....for me, for now, sorry, means nothing to me~
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
~Lie, in Valentines~
Happy Valentines....& Happy Chinese New year...
yeah yeah, today is Valentines, but just a very normal day for me~ It's gonna be the same, for 20 years.....haha~
well, this cny, not really good~ is lik sick festival during tis cny, included me myself~ but recovering...^^v....take gd care everyone~~
Sometimes, thing wil jz get complicated~ I feel so guilty, when telling lies, even though it is harmless n i juz wanna to be polite~ J said is not my fault, but wat i feel is like, it is my fault~ *contradicted*
I juz dislike ask myself to do something tat i hate~
watever it maybe, i apologize.......
today, again, i feel bad, when i feel ur selfishness~ i trying to give many reasons for wat u did, i believe tat u wont be lik tat...but no matter how hard i try, wat happened, is happened~ It is hurt, really hurt~
yeah, i should treat myself better....
anyway.....
hav a nice day everyone~
yeah yeah, today is Valentines, but just a very normal day for me~ It's gonna be the same, for 20 years.....haha~
well, this cny, not really good~ is lik sick festival during tis cny, included me myself~ but recovering...^^v....take gd care everyone~~
Sometimes, thing wil jz get complicated~ I feel so guilty, when telling lies, even though it is harmless n i juz wanna to be polite~ J said is not my fault, but wat i feel is like, it is my fault~ *contradicted*
I juz dislike ask myself to do something tat i hate~
watever it maybe, i apologize.......
today, again, i feel bad, when i feel ur selfishness~ i trying to give many reasons for wat u did, i believe tat u wont be lik tat...but no matter how hard i try, wat happened, is happened~ It is hurt, really hurt~
yeah, i should treat myself better....
anyway.....
hav a nice day everyone~
Thursday, January 31, 2008
~What's wrong...~
oppz...wat's wrong?
there is one movie review waiting for me to complete, besides, there are still a lot of workloads lying on my table~ I know myself well, i do not have much time to complete all these before cny holiday~ But i juz dun feel like wan to do it...dun even wan to touch~
tat's bad...real bad....but it was like, out of my control~
Dunno y, these few nitez, different friendz kept asking me go out yum cha~ continuos for 2 nitez~ I thought, im the only one who hate stay at home all alone...seemed not~
well~ I gotta do stg...i have to, it is a must~
U know, i know~
okay...before i going out...at least do stg? plz...Jungle~
there is one movie review waiting for me to complete, besides, there are still a lot of workloads lying on my table~ I know myself well, i do not have much time to complete all these before cny holiday~ But i juz dun feel like wan to do it...dun even wan to touch~
tat's bad...real bad....but it was like, out of my control~
Dunno y, these few nitez, different friendz kept asking me go out yum cha~ continuos for 2 nitez~ I thought, im the only one who hate stay at home all alone...seemed not~
well~ I gotta do stg...i have to, it is a must~
U know, i know~
okay...before i going out...at least do stg? plz...Jungle~
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
~This, absolutely...~
Half way reading my history textbook, came here...juz wanna do some fingers exercise~
yeah...history~ Something which full of mysteries~ well, i taking east Asian civilization this semester~ It is interesting, just the stupid thicky textbook which full of small words make me kinda....annoying~ But no regret~ even though so-so result is expected end of this semester~
CNY is coming very soon~ mayb becoz of tat, i feel tat i stil in holiday~
tat's bad, really bad~ i juz keep enjoying my life, which full of stress~ yeah...stressful~ coz while i was enjoying, my mind was thinking what else i havent do but i should do~ not a good feeling at all~ trust me~
well~ well~ well~ at least, my life is not tat sucks~ coz i know, how to make things simply~ but still learning anyway~
today after gym at California Fitness, i walked alone in the mall~ being alone, not really a bad thing for me~ I walked, stopped when saw stg i like, then kept walking~ i was using mine imagination and hoping, could i meet up with 'him'? *smiling*
who knows rite? mayb he was standing behind me in the queue but i din notice~ or mayb he walked by with opposite direction and my eyes was looking another site~ fate, u know~
okokok~ i should stop here~
lolz...
hungry ady lo~
this blog, absolutely, juz for fun~
yeah...history~ Something which full of mysteries~ well, i taking east Asian civilization this semester~ It is interesting, just the stupid thicky textbook which full of small words make me kinda....annoying~ But no regret~ even though so-so result is expected end of this semester~
CNY is coming very soon~ mayb becoz of tat, i feel tat i stil in holiday~
tat's bad, really bad~ i juz keep enjoying my life, which full of stress~ yeah...stressful~ coz while i was enjoying, my mind was thinking what else i havent do but i should do~ not a good feeling at all~ trust me~
well~ well~ well~ at least, my life is not tat sucks~ coz i know, how to make things simply~ but still learning anyway~
today after gym at California Fitness, i walked alone in the mall~ being alone, not really a bad thing for me~ I walked, stopped when saw stg i like, then kept walking~ i was using mine imagination and hoping, could i meet up with 'him'? *smiling*
who knows rite? mayb he was standing behind me in the queue but i din notice~ or mayb he walked by with opposite direction and my eyes was looking another site~ fate, u know~
okokok~ i should stop here~
lolz...
hungry ady lo~
this blog, absolutely, juz for fun~
Monday, January 14, 2008
~Head or Tail~
Im not going to be pessimistic anymore~ really...
But tat's stg out of my control~ Like u throwing a coin n bet with ur frenz whether it is head or tail~ I always lost when came to this game~ I dunno y, n i juz let it be,knocked under the fate~
Yeah, dun think i always fight back lik i always did~ Im not tat strong anyway~
stg is wrong tat i can feeling right now~ i getting sick...really sick~ not only physically sick, but mentally sick~
no one to speak at this moment, n i feel sick~ no one to take care of me, i feel sick~ no one will be there n say stg comfort me, i feel sick~ i keep drinking lotz of water, coz i feel sick~ i feeling cold and hot remaining on the same seat, i feel sick~ every step will cause me pain, i feeling sick~
c, i really sick~
okay~ i should take it easy~ isnt it?
by the way, last sat n sun, i went to p24 dance marathon n i was a volunteer there as a dancer relations~ yeah, it was an activity which u can juz dance for 24 hours~ sound crazy huh? absolutely~
being a dancer relations was not an easy job at all, i gotta kept motivating the participants to dance, since then, i need to dance first~ arh...
but i was enjoy and had lot of fun~ all the performance was so nice~ One thing tat i can say, UrbanGroove rocks~ all of them can really dance so well~ Fellest (i used to call him salad, sorry~) , Zack, Alex, Jerry...etc.... they r friendly, n we talked for a little while~ Din know Alex same age with me, kinda shocked me~ with this age, he ady can dance tat well, his future, must b so bright~ hopefully, we still can talk another time~ "hopefully" la~ Juz quite a long time din met a person who i tot we were met b4~ nice to meet them~
p24, ended up quite successfully~ when hugging everyone, i felt so touching~ It was like a challenge which is not everyone able to do so~ Im glad, my friends n i did~ we r survivor~ haha~
okay~ i should stop here~
it is time, to plan, my new life~
But tat's stg out of my control~ Like u throwing a coin n bet with ur frenz whether it is head or tail~ I always lost when came to this game~ I dunno y, n i juz let it be,knocked under the fate~
Yeah, dun think i always fight back lik i always did~ Im not tat strong anyway~
stg is wrong tat i can feeling right now~ i getting sick...really sick~ not only physically sick, but mentally sick~
no one to speak at this moment, n i feel sick~ no one to take care of me, i feel sick~ no one will be there n say stg comfort me, i feel sick~ i keep drinking lotz of water, coz i feel sick~ i feeling cold and hot remaining on the same seat, i feel sick~ every step will cause me pain, i feeling sick~
c, i really sick~
okay~ i should take it easy~ isnt it?
by the way, last sat n sun, i went to p24 dance marathon n i was a volunteer there as a dancer relations~ yeah, it was an activity which u can juz dance for 24 hours~ sound crazy huh? absolutely~
being a dancer relations was not an easy job at all, i gotta kept motivating the participants to dance, since then, i need to dance first~ arh...
but i was enjoy and had lot of fun~ all the performance was so nice~ One thing tat i can say, UrbanGroove rocks~ all of them can really dance so well~ Fellest (i used to call him salad, sorry~) , Zack, Alex, Jerry...etc.... they r friendly, n we talked for a little while~ Din know Alex same age with me, kinda shocked me~ with this age, he ady can dance tat well, his future, must b so bright~ hopefully, we still can talk another time~ "hopefully" la~ Juz quite a long time din met a person who i tot we were met b4~ nice to meet them~
p24, ended up quite successfully~ when hugging everyone, i felt so touching~ It was like a challenge which is not everyone able to do so~ Im glad, my friends n i did~ we r survivor~ haha~
okay~ i should stop here~
it is time, to plan, my new life~
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
~There was a tear, on my finger~
It was totally a new life, in my history~
But it was not totally strange, it was a bit familiar~ the streets i used to walk on, the roads i used to cross, the building i used to dream to own~ the only difference, is the person, who is typing tis blog~
yeah, i referring myself~ A stupid monkey lost in the jungle~
Im sitting in a totally new place~ going to sleep soon i guess~
my brain, stil thinking other things~
in this 21st century, everyone has a mobile in the pocket~ this is nothing fresh to talk about~ I juz thinking while the phone is ringing n tat is at least one msg going to transfer through one place to the other place, from one person to the other person~... no matter wat kind of messages tat u can think, it most probably repeating in every hour around the world~
via mobile, u can listen the voice u always miss~ n from the voice, i can imagine the person facial expression n his/her emotions~ everyone has the ability to imagine~ me of coz~
today, i had listened a voice, which i love so much~ i can c the tears on her cheek although i cant c her~ i wan to be with her~ desperately~ i hope i can juz fly across cities just to be with her~ but i cant, n so...helpless, miserable~
thx tat im so lucky~ i have friends always around me n be there when i need them~
thx a lot~
i know, tat's life.... since i cant avoid it, so i face it~
if i think i can , i can~
But it was not totally strange, it was a bit familiar~ the streets i used to walk on, the roads i used to cross, the building i used to dream to own~ the only difference, is the person, who is typing tis blog~
yeah, i referring myself~ A stupid monkey lost in the jungle~
Im sitting in a totally new place~ going to sleep soon i guess~
my brain, stil thinking other things~
in this 21st century, everyone has a mobile in the pocket~ this is nothing fresh to talk about~ I juz thinking while the phone is ringing n tat is at least one msg going to transfer through one place to the other place, from one person to the other person~... no matter wat kind of messages tat u can think, it most probably repeating in every hour around the world~
via mobile, u can listen the voice u always miss~ n from the voice, i can imagine the person facial expression n his/her emotions~ everyone has the ability to imagine~ me of coz~
today, i had listened a voice, which i love so much~ i can c the tears on her cheek although i cant c her~ i wan to be with her~ desperately~ i hope i can juz fly across cities just to be with her~ but i cant, n so...helpless, miserable~
thx tat im so lucky~ i have friends always around me n be there when i need them~
thx a lot~
i know, tat's life.... since i cant avoid it, so i face it~
if i think i can , i can~
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