~I can't blame~

There are plenty of times i tried to sort things out~ Since when I found it so hard to say something out, something from the bottom of my heart? ~

I can't blame that i have no one to listen to me, coz it's not the case~

It juz my prob, failing again and again~

Every things linking to each other and caused the now me~

I still remember the call right after i stepped out from the building after my 2nd paper exam~

I heard the worries~ But i do nothing and im not able to add in or say out the worries i feel~ It will only make things worst~ So, i keep it to me~ Dunno wat is the stupid disease bothering my dear sis~ Praying hard for her, will be alright~ Im sure~ Coz my sis is a super duper good people who i love so so much~

Especially talking with my mum~ I strongly feel wan to go bac home~ I juz miss home~ I have to be with them even though i do nothing for help~

Recently, all the stress juz come to me altogether!!! i tot im able to handle it, but somehow the emotional unstable on me proved before i speak~ I trying to be okay, be strong~ This period, is tough for everyone~ If im become one of the weak one, where is the balance that we should seek with?

I had a great moment in genting today~ enjoyed and had fun~ but somehow, there were times tat i feel wanted to cry~ when my dearest hugging me, when i feel the mist on the air.....today, is not a good day~ when i also experienced all the things tat happened which made me feel so insecure~

I hate everything but so helpless tat i cant change anything~

thing juz easy and im the only one who complicate and mess up everything~

Juz give me a breath~ when i realize, i strongly feel wan to cry but my tears juz not willing to come out~

somehow, i cant blame~

~I HATE everything, @ tis moment~

ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I juz want to scream, i hope i can scream~

Dunno wat's wrong with me again~ Is already the second time in today~~~~~

I woke up early but stuck half way n somebody and something made me felt wrong and i juz cant help it~ I stand up and wanted to calm myself down~ I feel like throwing thing but i cant~ i know i hav to control myself~

I juz hate~ Hate everything i do, everything i see, everything i hear, everything~
JUST EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!! if now, u wil get ur head chop off!!!!!

I hate...................me~ I hate to be compared and realized that i never really did well~

FINE~~~~~~~

JUZ FINE~~~~~~~~~

~6 o'clock in the morning~

yeah~ It's 6am~

I have to get away from my bed, even though still wearing the pyjamas, with half open eyes~

*YAWN*

Im tired~ But i found that i have no time!!!

ColourWolf once told me that his taekwando master said, "only dead people have no time!"

How true is it, but then, the conclusion i have is, I AM DEAD PEOPLE!!!

oh my gosh~

Tat's stg bad, real bad~

Anything la!!! I juz try my best to fight~

Am i able to do it? even me myself, asking bout it coz im doubting~

OKAY~ FINE~

~Dont complicated~

Well, this Sunday, is a bit different~

I cleaned all my stuff once i got off from my bed early in the morning and i made myself a cup of chocolate milk~

Yeah, I love it, so much~ Everything i did had brighten up my whole day, i hope~

I just heard a song, 'I'm Yours' by Jason Martz

Part of the lyric is touching my heart, deeply~

So i wan to share it with you all~

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
Ah, la peaceful melodys
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love love

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Is so true, dont u agree with it?

Our time, is so short~ why messed up everything and bothered every single details?

Anyway, i still learning, take thing easy, n remind myself, no pain, no gain~

Everything is going to be okay~
Im sure~

~Just giv me silence peace, so hard?~

Since when, I found that i was lost in the middle road and strongly feel to give up~

It's been a long time, i never feel so stress until i feel like want to cry....

I thought i can handle the stress quite well.....but i think im wrong~

This semester, really sucks~

Next week is already my final, i still have one quiz tomorrow and another one which worth 15% quiz in next monday. and next Wed i have one final exam paper, but Friday there is one presentation waiting for me and also the assignment due date.......

It's driving me crazy~ Damn so crazy~

I cant even concentrate on every single thing....

I wan to aim higher but i juz couldnt~

I still wanna go study oversea but the requirements scared me. Here, another pressure that comes to me.

I just need a moment which is relax with silence peace.....but the stupid bloody construction in front of my house.....woke me up at 8am every morning!!!!! i cant even take my nap!!! Air and sound polluted.....I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

really hate!!!

I endure it for almost whole semester......u tortured me for whole semester!!!!!!!!!!!

OH MY GOSH!!!!

u made me hate to stay at home!!!!!!!!!!!

okay~....

it's driving me crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~Decision to make~

I thought i can jz cover my eyes and go through this, which i thought will be best to spend my holiday~

but there is always something existed and forcing me to compare the pros and cons, even compare, which is worth to do it.

i asked, y i always get into these situations, my fren said, my personality does play a role. Oh, really? my personality caused all these? Perhaps. i took some times to wonder bout tis~

the indecisive of me, make me search for confirmation from others, from someone i trusted and know me well.

no matter how, at least, i had made up my mind, and i hope, i had made a right decision with no regrets. i appreciated everyone who were there and giving me opinions patiently. I really hope.........

~Find my way~

Colbie Calliat's songs are playing again n again~

I need this sort of music, so i can hav a peace...

Realized, i'd been 4 days din go to college even though i was not having any holiday~ I should, take this chance to go bac home, yeah.....I SHOULD~

but these days, seemed long, but short~ all juz gone in a wink second~

I was thinking, i kept myself busy on and off, wat's the point?

Sometimes i juz cant find my way out~ I hate the feeling that i am doing something empty, which is nothing~

It doesnt really a matter, tat's life, u gone thru 10 days and there is only one day u found out it is meaningful~ One day, is better than none~ i trying to think positively~

Yday, while i was reading Lokido's blog, every word and picture about his life in UK, made me wondered~ tat's the life i desire to have, tat's the way i can find my way out, tat's it!!!! Both of us are typical sagittarian, there r many similarities between us, the way our brain function and the perspective of our lives.

It's time, to do more research on it~ Australia? or UK?

Im waiting, the answer, the true answer from the bottom of my heart~

~Great great nite~

Is already 5 o'clock early in the morning, n guess where had i been?

Yeah...Clubbing~ the very first experience in KL city~ which is great, real great~

It was without any early plan like what we should do. It was already 10pm tat time when i nudge my friend and simply said 'let's go yum cha!' Then he told me, he was preparing to party~

I din know, not even expected, i just joined them, such easy and simple without any much consideration~ Tat's not impulsion, i know it very clear~ Im rational~ I know wat im doing~

Is a fren, best fren of mine which i know him for many years, i do trust him~ Tat's y, i know everything is going to be alright~ in addition, it was a tough nite b4 i stepped out nicely from the house. yeah, i even desperate juz to walk out from the house to take a nice breath~ Thx my fren had given me a very good opportunity to join the great nite.

yeah, i had a lot of fun, a looooooooooooooooot of fun~

After P24 dance marathon which I danced till very crazy, it's about 2 months later, i had my second craziest moment~ It was great, really great~

Four guys and six gals, one couple from them, all of them is so nice and friendly. I do love them so so much~ even though, who knows we not going to remember each other when u awake the next day~ haha~ who knows rite? But i did sincere and cherish the moment with them.

dance, i juz dance, watever i wan, followed the music, juz dance with the every single beat. I love dancing, if u know me, u know tat too~ i dun even care wat other ppl think bout me, is really hard to get the chance i presented myself without a mask. So i enjoyed it~

For me, is not a bad thing~ I had only drank 2 or 3 cup of beers, tat's all~ i spent most of time, dance, dance, n dance. N one thing i should mention, we went into the ice bar which is under negative temperature. Is cold, even though i was wearing a thick jacket. but is nice, real nice~

after tat, we went for yum cha n now, here i am~

is not tat bad. dun judge those gals n guys who go clubbing is bad boy bad gal~ is juz having fun and enjoy life, but we know wat we r doing, n at least for me, i take the responsibilities on every single thing i did~ I going to step in my 20s few more months later, if u r an adult, show that u r~
tat's anothing thing which i witnessed myself n i was so touching~

I can c this clique with gals and guys, they do have a strong bond among them and they do care each other~ they din show it intentionally, n tis wat made me felt touching~ i miss my old frenz, who we used to be lik tat, care of each other sincerely~ i din mean to blame or wat, coz is not anyone fault, we juz changed, when the time is keep going on, n we juz cant help it~ thus, distance juz become far n far~

okay~
hahahahah~....shouldnt think so negative way~

well, i do appreciate all the guys' gentlemen and gals' friendliness~ thx to belanja me~ haha~

Thx thx thx~

Tonite, is going to be a great memories in my life~

~Juz the questions~

Really fortunately, rain started when i juz stepped into my shelter~

Still thundering and flashing, wondering whether i should off my comp n routers?

Can i juz be someone who doesnt care with everything? can i b selfish? irresponsibility?

Sometimes is juz hard to understand~ and i getting tired of reading others' mind~

Thx for ur honest to telling me all these, but somehow i feel uncomfortable with ur honesty in so direct way~

Or i should think it another way, everyone of us wants to live with someone who we can obtain the advantages? Mayb tat is human nature, then y would i so mind with this statement? bcoz im one of them? or i realized tat i cant benefit anyone else around me? tat's a shame!!! tat's a humiliation~ so dun judge or state it out even though is true for u~

all the human being is doomed to live together, tat's y communication is so essential in our daily lives~ is true to be frankly, but we do have to consider, what we should and should not to be honest~

well~ juz a small matter~

~Is all bout changing?~

Well, juz came bac hanging around with frenz~

it is a nite i used so much of my brain~ While i was having fun talking bout all the theories of life, experiences, diff point of views n all these stuff, i really thinking deeply~

is it really all bout changing? yeah, is not easy to get a person adapt in changing~ but i like changing , as in try the new experiences n new person to talk to, etc.etc~

but when come to the changing of myself, im thinking deeply and hardly~

wat i really want? i dun know~
wat i thinking bout my real self? i dun know~
wat i gonna do next to change? i dun know~
all these 'dunno' answer keep repeating and i hate it~ even fed up of this stupid answer~
but i really wan to find out the real answers~

it's another long nite for me i guess~
coz i feel restless, even sadness~

anyway, after talking with my frenz, i realized stg~ at least, i had been inspired through the whole conversations~

mayb, now, is another turning point of my life~ i dun know~ but at least i should try to make everything better but not remain standing right there n do nothing~

i can go thru it i guess~ as long as being myself and seeking higher self-esteem to reach my goals~

dun think complicated~ it's really tiring~

~Today~

Juz came bac from college and now is so so so tired esp my legs~ I really wondering how's the gal running with the high heels? i juz standing n walking....damn so tired weh~

well, it was a big event organized by all psychology students n i am one of them~ to be honest, i dun really feel i belonged to the team until today~ perhaps because i only took part in the half way, i seldom voice out during the meetings bcoz i dunno wat was really happening~ n mayb bcoz of tat, i did not felt the commitment with tis whole event~ anyway, i was in the publicity team and helped out to spread to everyone bout tis event~ it gave me the chances talking to the strangers and from there i'd discovered any kinds of ppl in this world~ it's ok if u dun bother what is going on outside there but somehow i found tat, they dun even know wat is manner all about~

nvm, at least, i tried~ but frankly, as Fishy said, we were demotivated from varieties of negative responses we had~ i had voiced out during our last meeting after the career fair ended greatly~ finally, finally i had voiced out from bottom of my heart wat i felt all the time while~ there were few times been asking for help but the time juz not right n i was rejected it, but everytime i did tat, i felt so guilty~ Even sometimes when others were praising for the great job which had been done by the committees, i was wondering, n asking myself, did i really helped out? did i really do all the jobs? did i really contributed?

Thx Mr.Kumar, his words made me feel good, yeah, at least, i really tried my very best, though not as much as efforts other ppl made~ i cant comparing this, i know~ But i know, i could do better~

Life is all bout learning, meeting up new frenz, having fun.....today, is a good day for me~ Although i feeling bad now which caused by the caffeine inside the coffee.

I stil want to say, thx everyone, congratulations for all the great jobs, esp Nicholas, he is really a good leader tat i respect~ n oso Leong, John......etc.etc.etc~

there were many lessons i learned from it~

however, 2day, the last day of this event, i felt i was in it~ i had a great time with all my frenz~

Life, is sometimes complicated, but there is still stg to look for~

cheers~

~Hardly understand...~

Do u know, there are so many people in this country, some are good, some are bad~

When u meet the good one, he/she is most probably will brighten up your day~

However, if u meet the bad one, he/she would just ruined your day, or even worst~

Unfortunately, i met one stupid idiot today~ who knows, because of this pretty gal, i gonna fail my subject and spend another thousand to retake a subject. Mayb not tat worst, but who knows, rite?

Yeah,every semester, my psychology department will carry on a lot of experiments for psychology students to sign up. it is compulsory for every core subjects and can gain extra bonus marks through tat as well~

Then, 2day, my friends and i had signed up for one experiment. it was 3pm session~ Right after our class at 2.30pm, i only had juz enough time for me to grab a tuna bun as my lunch n headed to take Help Bus going to another Block to attend the experiment. Mana tau, the uncle driver dunno went to where, we waited inside the bus for about 10 minutes. when we reached there, 2.55pm~ Phew, at least we still have few more minutes~

I jz felt not right when we were fastened our steps hoping we wont be late for tat~ It was like a bad feeling telling me it's gonna not alright~

When we arrived, the lab's door havent close yet and we thanks god that we were not been late~ The guy who is one of the experimenter told us politely that they ady found other students to replace our place and maybe we juz cancel our name so that our marks wont get deducted. Then, there was a gal suddenly appeared in front our sight n gave us a stupid look and said "NO, You all were late. So of coz hav to minus marks!!!"

What the hell is this? We tried hard to come on time and juz one minute! ONE minute!!!! we cant take part then is ok, y must said till like ours fault? we already damn pissed off~ we were not absent without a reason so u can juz minus the marks as u like~ We decided to argue back, so we were waiting outside until they finished the experiment. We knocked the door politely and told them the reasons why. But tat stupid idiot, said "we had given u 5 minutes then y u al stil late?" we said NO! tat time only 3.01pm k? we had class before tat and we really tried to come on time but no one of us can juz drive the bus!!!! then she said "No! we are following the real watch! you all were late and sorry, hav to minus marks!" what will she gain for her determination? she juz wont help us~

okay~ let say is our fault. It could be easy to help us juz cancel our name rite?

fine~ fine~ it's alright~ juz minus 0.25 marks anyway~

Until i got bac home n checked thru net, i discovered that we had been minus 2 marks!!!
HELLO! 2　ＭＡＲＫＳ！！！！

it gonna take another 4 hours take part the experiments only we can gain bac the 2 marks!!!!

you can choose to be devil or angel~ you can juz offer ur help and the appreciation you get will makes ur day good bcoz u did a good thing. but you can juz ignore to help and wat you deserve is all critiques and even bad words. It is all depends on you~

If we hav no reasons, i wont be so pissed off~

aiks~

anyway, wish me luck~ for my presentation 2ml~

~Tuna Egg~

When the time i opened my eyes, i had decided, let yesterday, stay in there~

I wan my day becomes good day, no more bad days is a little promise i made for myself~

Everything is going to be alright~ isnt it?

Well, yday, had a stupid quarrel wif the king of my house~ Juz becoz of small little tiny thing~ Time was juz not right, i couldnt endure like wat i always did~ It was reached my limit~ Just the same like volcano poured out molten rock~ Had u seen b4? i bet u did~ No matter gals or guys always did tat~ Bcoz human juz equals with emotional animal~

I had gone thru plenty of bad days tat i wish i never been~ Coz is hurt, really hurt.....

Im not tat tough tat u think, Im only human~ AND, im a gal~ Plz dun forget this fact~

Well, well, well....

it's gonna b okay~

I cooked myself yummy tuna egg with bread, it did brighten up my day~

No more bad days, k?

For this moment, i dun believe in fate~ I believe, i can change, with my own hands~

I do hav a brain!!!!

~I feel myself~

Sometimes there is juz a chance, or juz a mission, when u do it, u feel it~

Feel what? Me, myself~

Recently, i was taking part in publicity team of Chap Goh Mei Celebration which organized by Chinese Culture Society~ My fren Turtly, put a lot of efforts in tat~

Yday, It's quite a sudden, i gonna take part in almost every performances~ Singing, cross talk (xiang sheng) n oso the fashion show~

How long tat i never go on stage? it's quite a pretty long time~ but i miss, miss the stage, so so much~

I did all my very best, n i had fun, it's quite enjoyable with a big throng of frenz~

I realized something tat i never discover in almost 20 years~ Haha~ i never know, tat i can do quite well in fashion roadshow~ Hahaha....thx to give me the chance~

Well~ well~ well~ i lost my voice today~ At nite, i going to perform already...so i doubting, am i able to do the best? i wondering~

~Sorry, means nothing~

Busy Busy BUsy!!!!!!!

yeah...im busy!!!! it might be true, but deep inside my heart telling me, that's juz an excuse!!!

watever~ i dun wanna care tat much~ y must i thinking everything in details? y must i care bout everything? y i put weight on mine shoulder by my hands? y i take everything as my own responsibility?

I feel stupid, i feel cheated!!!!

It juz a small matter until i cant tell, coz u most probably think tat's nothing! juz a small tiny prob! but it meant to me~ really~

I juz wanna b polite, i thought i jz did the right things as a fren, but i think it was too much~

okay, i deserved it~

watever it may be.....for me, for now, sorry, means nothing to me~

~Lie, in Valentines~

Happy Valentines....& Happy Chinese New year...

yeah yeah, today is Valentines, but just a very normal day for me~ It's gonna be the same, for 20 years.....haha~

well, this cny, not really good~ is lik sick festival during tis cny, included me myself~ but recovering...^^v....take gd care everyone~~

Sometimes, thing wil jz get complicated~ I feel so guilty, when telling lies, even though it is harmless n i juz wanna to be polite~ J said is not my fault, but wat i feel is like, it is my fault~ *contradicted*

I juz dislike ask myself to do something tat i hate~

watever it maybe, i apologize.......

today, again, i feel bad, when i feel ur selfishness~ i trying to give many reasons for wat u did, i believe tat u wont be lik tat...but no matter how hard i try, wat happened, is happened~ It is hurt, really hurt~

yeah, i should treat myself better....

anyway.....

hav a nice day everyone~

~What's wrong...~

oppz...wat's wrong?

there is one movie review waiting for me to complete, besides, there are still a lot of workloads lying on my table~ I know myself well, i do not have much time to complete all these before cny holiday~ But i juz dun feel like wan to do it...dun even wan to touch~

tat's bad...real bad....but it was like, out of my control~

Dunno y, these few nitez, different friendz kept asking me go out yum cha~ continuos for 2 nitez~ I thought, im the only one who hate stay at home all alone...seemed not~

well~ I gotta do stg...i have to, it is a must~

U know, i know~

okay...before i going out...at least do stg? plz...Jungle~

~This, absolutely...~

Half way reading my history textbook, came here...juz wanna do some fingers exercise~

yeah...history~ Something which full of mysteries~ well, i taking east Asian civilization this semester~ It is interesting, just the stupid thicky textbook which full of small words make me kinda....annoying~ But no regret~ even though so-so result is expected end of this semester~

CNY is coming very soon~ mayb becoz of tat, i feel tat i stil in holiday~

tat's bad, really bad~ i juz keep enjoying my life, which full of stress~ yeah...stressful~ coz while i was enjoying, my mind was thinking what else i havent do but i should do~ not a good feeling at all~ trust me~

well~ well~ well~ at least, my life is not tat sucks~ coz i know, how to make things simply~ but still learning anyway~

today after gym at California Fitness, i walked alone in the mall~ being alone, not really a bad thing for me~ I walked, stopped when saw stg i like, then kept walking~ i was using mine imagination and hoping, could i meet up with 'him'? *smiling*

who knows rite? mayb he was standing behind me in the queue but i din notice~ or mayb he walked by with opposite direction and my eyes was looking another site~ fate, u know~

okokok~ i should stop here~

lolz...

hungry ady lo~

this blog, absolutely, juz for fun~

~Head or Tail~

Im not going to be pessimistic anymore~ really...

But tat's stg out of my control~ Like u throwing a coin n bet with ur frenz whether it is head or tail~ I always lost when came to this game~ I dunno y, n i juz let it be，knocked under the fate~

Yeah, dun think i always fight back lik i always did~ Im not tat strong anyway~

stg is wrong tat i can feeling right now~ i getting sick...really sick~ not only physically sick, but mentally sick~

no one to speak at this moment, n i feel sick~ no one to take care of me, i feel sick~ no one will be there n say stg comfort me, i feel sick~ i keep drinking lotz of water, coz i feel sick~ i feeling cold and hot remaining on the same seat, i feel sick~ every step will cause me pain, i feeling sick~

c, i really sick~

okay~ i should take it easy~ isnt it?

by the way, last sat n sun, i went to p24 dance marathon n i was a volunteer there as a dancer relations~ yeah, it was an activity which u can juz dance for 24 hours~ sound crazy huh? absolutely~

being a dancer relations was not an easy job at all, i gotta kept motivating the participants to dance, since then, i need to dance first~ arh...

but i was enjoy and had lot of fun~ all the performance was so nice~ One thing tat i can say, UrbanGroove rocks~ all of them can really dance so well~ Fellest (i used to call him salad, sorry~) , Zack, Alex, Jerry...etc.... they r friendly, n we talked for a little while~ Din know Alex same age with me, kinda shocked me~ with this age, he ady can dance tat well, his future, must b so bright~ hopefully, we still can talk another time~ "hopefully" la~ Juz quite a long time din met a person who i tot we were met b4~ nice to meet them~

p24, ended up quite successfully~ when hugging everyone, i felt so touching~ It was like a challenge which is not everyone able to do so~ Im glad, my friends n i did~ we r survivor~ haha~

okay~ i should stop here~

it is time, to plan, my new life~

~There was a tear, on my finger~

It was totally a new life, in my history~

But it was not totally strange, it was a bit familiar~ the streets i used to walk on, the roads i used to cross, the building i used to dream to own~ the only difference, is the person, who is typing tis blog~

yeah, i referring myself~ A stupid monkey lost in the jungle~

Im sitting in a totally new place~ going to sleep soon i guess~

my brain, stil thinking other things~

in this 21st century, everyone has a mobile in the pocket~ this is nothing fresh to talk about~ I juz thinking while the phone is ringing n tat is at least one msg going to transfer through one place to the other place, from one person to the other person~... no matter wat kind of messages tat u can think, it most probably repeating in every hour around the world~

via mobile, u can listen the voice u always miss~ n from the voice, i can imagine the person facial expression n his/her emotions~ everyone has the ability to imagine~ me of coz~

today, i had listened a voice, which i love so much~ i can c the tears on her cheek although i cant c her~ i wan to be with her~ desperately~ i hope i can juz fly across cities just to be with her~ but i cant, n so...helpless, miserable~

thx tat im so lucky~ i have friends always around me n be there when i need them~

thx a lot~

i know, tat's life.... since i cant avoid it, so i face it~

if i think i can , i can~