~Easily~

I still relaxing at last moment~ I hate why am i so easily get affected~ So, cause me changed~

I having my holiday now, but as usual, HELP Uni Col always has the shortest holiday~ two weeks holiday but I only have few days relaxing myself at my home sweet home~ It's okay, I wanna spend it fully and juz rest~ I know, another hectic new semester is coming very soon, very soon~ It juz coming but somehow is already bothering me~ >,< I need help!!!

Is again the uncertainty matter, which i hate it but gonna face it all the time~

It is especially come to adapt the changes, again n again~

There r so much thing waiting for me~ Finish reading 'The Kite Runner', arrange my timetable for tis coming new semester, set my goal n plan a bit on my future, tis n tat...I'd planned to do all these but so much distraction n most importantly, I had been influenced and get demotivated~

I think, My brain having its holiday too~ Somehow I forcing it to function for me~ But it never works tis way~

I juz need more time to digest everything and figure things out~

Wil be alrite~

I juz wan to watch a movie, Or singing~

okay~ Juz relax~

I keep telling me this, but there is stg called 'regret' go through my mind and I asking myself how can I still in holiday n going to Lang Tengah next week which the stupid hectic short semester is already started?

But no point to regret tis, I shouldnt~ There is the place I wanted to go so much~ I shouldnt think tat much n complicated myself~ OKay, is time, to learn, how to let go~

Juz, easily enough~

~Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu~

Turning round and round and round~ There is the corner, I'd found~

I appreciate that, is not too late to realize~

Last weekends, I spent my day in 2 days 1 night camp~ INCOVAR Graduate Camp~ Organized by a team of experience and spiritual guys and gals~

It's been a long time, I guess since I came to this big city, I never join any religious activity other than went for churches few times brought by my frenz~

Finally, I had a chance, took part in a Buddhist camp~

Actually, it was a camp about future career~ I learned a lot more about corporate world out there~ Which is scary and full of realities~

Anyway, I too, learn about Interview Skills, Resume writing, managing career and career goals grooming and etc~ Im a student who juz stepping into Year 2, u think is tat too soon to learn all this? I definitely can say, NO~

This camp, 20++ participants in total~ Most of them are working people, and some of us still studying~ I think Fish & I were the youngest among all of them~ They had most experience speakers, awesome committee team members and also friendly participants who willing to share and care~

Asking me what had I learned, I found there r too much and I cant juz write it down all here~

It was diff from the buddhist activities tat I had been taking part before, maybe it was the first time I involved myself in English version camp~ I din know Buddhism is tat advance already~ They even have Hymns Singing, it sound a bit like those church songs~ but yet, is so nice to hear and sing altogether~

I know more about myself via Harrison Assessment, but it still shocked to know that i have most trait and suitable become a creative writer, poets or lyrists~ haha~

Meditation too, gave me peace and serenity~

Besides, I dun even know tat my email address cause trouble~ Maybe not yet, but soon will be~
orangejungle88@hotmail.com, means a lot to someone going to hire me in the future~ What impression u hav when u looking at this email? I juz curious...using it for around 10 years time, the first time i realize, while the time i growing up or growing old, nothing is permanent and need to change~

There is the lesson benefit me for my whole life, i believe~ Adapt to change and realize nothing is permanent in this universe~ and finally i found the reason why, Im such a indecisive person~ Becoz, I never learn how to let go~ Letting go, not becoz it sound chic or wat~ It is becoz the limitation a human being having and going through~ Nothing can be perfect and I hardly I can maintain everything good and best~ It juz all bout the matter of, Letting Go~


I do appreciate the new frens i get to know, even though we not really know each other in juz two days time~ Is always good to knw more people coz i always believe everyone of us has a particular and unique story hiding behind~ I love stories~

My heart, had been touched for several times and there r so much lessons I had learnt~

I appreciate everything tat i have~

~Is not really hurt, although is still hurting~

I tot i had stated it clearly, I tot that was obvious enough~

but i realized tat dun always tot about wat wat wat, but hav to think!!!

I din blame anyone gave me a lot of judgement, coz i caused all these~

I should say it directly, I should say it faster or even from the early beginning~

Again, no one to blame, but me~

Sometimes, there is always so much of uncertainty tat bothering me~

It made me do nothing in my further plan but stuck on it~ tat's really wat i hate the most~ i hate waiting for nothing~ I hate that I lied for nothing, too~ Dont u think it is understandable?

When there were too much changes tat i cant juz accept n nob my head.....i found myself hav the prob dealing with changes~

I juz wan to talk bout it~ talk everything tat i keeping in my heart~ I juz wan to find a way out~ BUt i guess the timing is not rite....so it led to misunderstand~

It's okay~ I juz hav no idea...y I still feeling hurts~

To be mature, is a lesson that everyone should learn all the time~ Even u r stepping into 20~ but the age doesnt mean tat u mature enough to handle everything which may happen or is already happening~ Our brain, will stil stuck in somewhere sometime~

~If I die...~

The moments in the kitchen still flashing in my mind~

I was thinking, if i juz die, dun cry for me~~~

Well, sometimes accident did happen....without giving u any sign~

I wondered how lucky I was...Juz one step different, I'd saved my life~

If the time the fire and the boiling water come to me, n burn my body...

I wont be here n typing telling wat had happened on me here~

So i do appreciate...but i was shocked, scared.......even now, still in unstable condition, with a bit hand shaking~

there r always a lot of assumptions my brain has making automatically, how if I kena burn n no one there since im all alone in this 'haunted' house? how if I cant even scream coz no one able to get into this house n offer their help? Am i able to save myself? all da way to upstair and call someone to help? All bout Home Alone!!! And I was suspicious....on my own~

I told my best fren thru msn....dun cry for me, if i die one day~

I get no response~ Mayb she was thinking how she going to response~

I know im stupid enough to say tat~ But tat's wat im thinking all the time~




Sometimes, i doubt in me~ I doubt, in everything~

~I can't blame~

There are plenty of times i tried to sort things out~ Since when I found it so hard to say something out, something from the bottom of my heart? ~

I can't blame that i have no one to listen to me, coz it's not the case~

It juz my prob, failing again and again~

Every things linking to each other and caused the now me~

I still remember the call right after i stepped out from the building after my 2nd paper exam~

I heard the worries~ But i do nothing and im not able to add in or say out the worries i feel~ It will only make things worst~ So, i keep it to me~ Dunno wat is the stupid disease bothering my dear sis~ Praying hard for her, will be alright~ Im sure~ Coz my sis is a super duper good people who i love so so much~

Especially talking with my mum~ I strongly feel wan to go bac home~ I juz miss home~ I have to be with them even though i do nothing for help~

Recently, all the stress juz come to me altogether!!! i tot im able to handle it, but somehow the emotional unstable on me proved before i speak~ I trying to be okay, be strong~ This period, is tough for everyone~ If im become one of the weak one, where is the balance that we should seek with?

I had a great moment in genting today~ enjoyed and had fun~ but somehow, there were times tat i feel wanted to cry~ when my dearest hugging me, when i feel the mist on the air.....today, is not a good day~ when i also experienced all the things tat happened which made me feel so insecure~

I hate everything but so helpless tat i cant change anything~

thing juz easy and im the only one who complicate and mess up everything~

Juz give me a breath~ when i realize, i strongly feel wan to cry but my tears juz not willing to come out~

somehow, i cant blame~

~I HATE everything, @ tis moment~

ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I juz want to scream, i hope i can scream~

Dunno wat's wrong with me again~ Is already the second time in today~~~~~

I woke up early but stuck half way n somebody and something made me felt wrong and i juz cant help it~ I stand up and wanted to calm myself down~ I feel like throwing thing but i cant~ i know i hav to control myself~

I juz hate~ Hate everything i do, everything i see, everything i hear, everything~
JUST EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!! if now, u wil get ur head chop off!!!!!

I hate...................me~ I hate to be compared and realized that i never really did well~

FINE~~~~~~~

JUZ FINE~~~~~~~~~

~6 o'clock in the morning~

yeah~ It's 6am~

I have to get away from my bed, even though still wearing the pyjamas, with half open eyes~

*YAWN*

Im tired~ But i found that i have no time!!!

ColourWolf once told me that his taekwando master said, "only dead people have no time!"

How true is it, but then, the conclusion i have is, I AM DEAD PEOPLE!!!

oh my gosh~

Tat's stg bad, real bad~

Anything la!!! I juz try my best to fight~

Am i able to do it? even me myself, asking bout it coz im doubting~

OKAY~ FINE~

~Dont complicated~

Well, this Sunday, is a bit different~

I cleaned all my stuff once i got off from my bed early in the morning and i made myself a cup of chocolate milk~

Yeah, I love it, so much~ Everything i did had brighten up my whole day, i hope~

I just heard a song, 'I'm Yours' by Jason Martz

Part of the lyric is touching my heart, deeply~

So i wan to share it with you all~

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
Ah, la peaceful melodys
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love love

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Is so true, dont u agree with it?

Our time, is so short~ why messed up everything and bothered every single details?

Anyway, i still learning, take thing easy, n remind myself, no pain, no gain~

Everything is going to be okay~
Im sure~

~Just giv me silence peace, so hard?~

Since when, I found that i was lost in the middle road and strongly feel to give up~

It's been a long time, i never feel so stress until i feel like want to cry....

I thought i can handle the stress quite well.....but i think im wrong~

This semester, really sucks~

Next week is already my final, i still have one quiz tomorrow and another one which worth 15% quiz in next monday. and next Wed i have one final exam paper, but Friday there is one presentation waiting for me and also the assignment due date.......

It's driving me crazy~ Damn so crazy~

I cant even concentrate on every single thing....

I wan to aim higher but i juz couldnt~

I still wanna go study oversea but the requirements scared me. Here, another pressure that comes to me.

I just need a moment which is relax with silence peace.....but the stupid bloody construction in front of my house.....woke me up at 8am every morning!!!!! i cant even take my nap!!! Air and sound polluted.....I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

really hate!!!

I endure it for almost whole semester......u tortured me for whole semester!!!!!!!!!!!

OH MY GOSH!!!!

u made me hate to stay at home!!!!!!!!!!!

okay~....

it's driving me crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~Decision to make~

I thought i can jz cover my eyes and go through this, which i thought will be best to spend my holiday~

but there is always something existed and forcing me to compare the pros and cons, even compare, which is worth to do it.

i asked, y i always get into these situations, my fren said, my personality does play a role. Oh, really? my personality caused all these? Perhaps. i took some times to wonder bout tis~

the indecisive of me, make me search for confirmation from others, from someone i trusted and know me well.

no matter how, at least, i had made up my mind, and i hope, i had made a right decision with no regrets. i appreciated everyone who were there and giving me opinions patiently. I really hope.........

~Find my way~

Colbie Calliat's songs are playing again n again~

I need this sort of music, so i can hav a peace...

Realized, i'd been 4 days din go to college even though i was not having any holiday~ I should, take this chance to go bac home, yeah.....I SHOULD~

but these days, seemed long, but short~ all juz gone in a wink second~

I was thinking, i kept myself busy on and off, wat's the point?

Sometimes i juz cant find my way out~ I hate the feeling that i am doing something empty, which is nothing~

It doesnt really a matter, tat's life, u gone thru 10 days and there is only one day u found out it is meaningful~ One day, is better than none~ i trying to think positively~

Yday, while i was reading Lokido's blog, every word and picture about his life in UK, made me wondered~ tat's the life i desire to have, tat's the way i can find my way out, tat's it!!!! Both of us are typical sagittarian, there r many similarities between us, the way our brain function and the perspective of our lives.

It's time, to do more research on it~ Australia? or UK?

Im waiting, the answer, the true answer from the bottom of my heart~

~Great great nite~

Is already 5 o'clock early in the morning, n guess where had i been?

Yeah...Clubbing~ the very first experience in KL city~ which is great, real great~

It was without any early plan like what we should do. It was already 10pm tat time when i nudge my friend and simply said 'let's go yum cha!' Then he told me, he was preparing to party~

I din know, not even expected, i just joined them, such easy and simple without any much consideration~ Tat's not impulsion, i know it very clear~ Im rational~ I know wat im doing~

Is a fren, best fren of mine which i know him for many years, i do trust him~ Tat's y, i know everything is going to be alright~ in addition, it was a tough nite b4 i stepped out nicely from the house. yeah, i even desperate juz to walk out from the house to take a nice breath~ Thx my fren had given me a very good opportunity to join the great nite.

yeah, i had a lot of fun, a looooooooooooooooot of fun~

After P24 dance marathon which I danced till very crazy, it's about 2 months later, i had my second craziest moment~ It was great, really great~

Four guys and six gals, one couple from them, all of them is so nice and friendly. I do love them so so much~ even though, who knows we not going to remember each other when u awake the next day~ haha~ who knows rite? But i did sincere and cherish the moment with them.

dance, i juz dance, watever i wan, followed the music, juz dance with the every single beat. I love dancing, if u know me, u know tat too~ i dun even care wat other ppl think bout me, is really hard to get the chance i presented myself without a mask. So i enjoyed it~

For me, is not a bad thing~ I had only drank 2 or 3 cup of beers, tat's all~ i spent most of time, dance, dance, n dance. N one thing i should mention, we went into the ice bar which is under negative temperature. Is cold, even though i was wearing a thick jacket. but is nice, real nice~

after tat, we went for yum cha n now, here i am~

is not tat bad. dun judge those gals n guys who go clubbing is bad boy bad gal~ is juz having fun and enjoy life, but we know wat we r doing, n at least for me, i take the responsibilities on every single thing i did~ I going to step in my 20s few more months later, if u r an adult, show that u r~
tat's anothing thing which i witnessed myself n i was so touching~

I can c this clique with gals and guys, they do have a strong bond among them and they do care each other~ they din show it intentionally, n tis wat made me felt touching~ i miss my old frenz, who we used to be lik tat, care of each other sincerely~ i din mean to blame or wat, coz is not anyone fault, we juz changed, when the time is keep going on, n we juz cant help it~ thus, distance juz become far n far~

okay~
hahahahah~....shouldnt think so negative way~

well, i do appreciate all the guys' gentlemen and gals' friendliness~ thx to belanja me~ haha~

Thx thx thx~

Tonite, is going to be a great memories in my life~

~Juz the questions~

Really fortunately, rain started when i juz stepped into my shelter~

Still thundering and flashing, wondering whether i should off my comp n routers?

Can i juz be someone who doesnt care with everything? can i b selfish? irresponsibility?

Sometimes is juz hard to understand~ and i getting tired of reading others' mind~

Thx for ur honest to telling me all these, but somehow i feel uncomfortable with ur honesty in so direct way~

Or i should think it another way, everyone of us wants to live with someone who we can obtain the advantages? Mayb tat is human nature, then y would i so mind with this statement? bcoz im one of them? or i realized tat i cant benefit anyone else around me? tat's a shame!!! tat's a humiliation~ so dun judge or state it out even though is true for u~

all the human being is doomed to live together, tat's y communication is so essential in our daily lives~ is true to be frankly, but we do have to consider, what we should and should not to be honest~

well~ juz a small matter~

~Is all bout changing?~

Well, juz came bac hanging around with frenz~

it is a nite i used so much of my brain~ While i was having fun talking bout all the theories of life, experiences, diff point of views n all these stuff, i really thinking deeply~

is it really all bout changing? yeah, is not easy to get a person adapt in changing~ but i like changing , as in try the new experiences n new person to talk to, etc.etc~

but when come to the changing of myself, im thinking deeply and hardly~

wat i really want? i dun know~
wat i thinking bout my real self? i dun know~
wat i gonna do next to change? i dun know~
all these 'dunno' answer keep repeating and i hate it~ even fed up of this stupid answer~
but i really wan to find out the real answers~

it's another long nite for me i guess~
coz i feel restless, even sadness~

anyway, after talking with my frenz, i realized stg~ at least, i had been inspired through the whole conversations~

mayb, now, is another turning point of my life~ i dun know~ but at least i should try to make everything better but not remain standing right there n do nothing~

i can go thru it i guess~ as long as being myself and seeking higher self-esteem to reach my goals~

dun think complicated~ it's really tiring~

~Today~

Juz came bac from college and now is so so so tired esp my legs~ I really wondering how's the gal running with the high heels? i juz standing n walking....damn so tired weh~

well, it was a big event organized by all psychology students n i am one of them~ to be honest, i dun really feel i belonged to the team until today~ perhaps because i only took part in the half way, i seldom voice out during the meetings bcoz i dunno wat was really happening~ n mayb bcoz of tat, i did not felt the commitment with tis whole event~ anyway, i was in the publicity team and helped out to spread to everyone bout tis event~ it gave me the chances talking to the strangers and from there i'd discovered any kinds of ppl in this world~ it's ok if u dun bother what is going on outside there but somehow i found tat, they dun even know wat is manner all about~

nvm, at least, i tried~ but frankly, as Fishy said, we were demotivated from varieties of negative responses we had~ i had voiced out during our last meeting after the career fair ended greatly~ finally, finally i had voiced out from bottom of my heart wat i felt all the time while~ there were few times been asking for help but the time juz not right n i was rejected it, but everytime i did tat, i felt so guilty~ Even sometimes when others were praising for the great job which had been done by the committees, i was wondering, n asking myself, did i really helped out? did i really do all the jobs? did i really contributed?

Thx Mr.Kumar, his words made me feel good, yeah, at least, i really tried my very best, though not as much as efforts other ppl made~ i cant comparing this, i know~ But i know, i could do better~

Life is all bout learning, meeting up new frenz, having fun.....today, is a good day for me~ Although i feeling bad now which caused by the caffeine inside the coffee.

I stil want to say, thx everyone, congratulations for all the great jobs, esp Nicholas, he is really a good leader tat i respect~ n oso Leong, John......etc.etc.etc~

there were many lessons i learned from it~

however, 2day, the last day of this event, i felt i was in it~ i had a great time with all my frenz~

Life, is sometimes complicated, but there is still stg to look for~

cheers~

~Hardly understand...~

Do u know, there are so many people in this country, some are good, some are bad~

When u meet the good one, he/she is most probably will brighten up your day~

However, if u meet the bad one, he/she would just ruined your day, or even worst~

Unfortunately, i met one stupid idiot today~ who knows, because of this pretty gal, i gonna fail my subject and spend another thousand to retake a subject. Mayb not tat worst, but who knows, rite?

Yeah,every semester, my psychology department will carry on a lot of experiments for psychology students to sign up. it is compulsory for every core subjects and can gain extra bonus marks through tat as well~

Then, 2day, my friends and i had signed up for one experiment. it was 3pm session~ Right after our class at 2.30pm, i only had juz enough time for me to grab a tuna bun as my lunch n headed to take Help Bus going to another Block to attend the experiment. Mana tau, the uncle driver dunno went to where, we waited inside the bus for about 10 minutes. when we reached there, 2.55pm~ Phew, at least we still have few more minutes~

I jz felt not right when we were fastened our steps hoping we wont be late for tat~ It was like a bad feeling telling me it's gonna not alright~

When we arrived, the lab's door havent close yet and we thanks god that we were not been late~ The guy who is one of the experimenter told us politely that they ady found other students to replace our place and maybe we juz cancel our name so that our marks wont get deducted. Then, there was a gal suddenly appeared in front our sight n gave us a stupid look and said "NO, You all were late. So of coz hav to minus marks!!!"

What the hell is this? We tried hard to come on time and juz one minute! ONE minute!!!! we cant take part then is ok, y must said till like ours fault? we already damn pissed off~ we were not absent without a reason so u can juz minus the marks as u like~ We decided to argue back, so we were waiting outside until they finished the experiment. We knocked the door politely and told them the reasons why. But tat stupid idiot, said "we had given u 5 minutes then y u al stil late?" we said NO! tat time only 3.01pm k? we had class before tat and we really tried to come on time but no one of us can juz drive the bus!!!! then she said "No! we are following the real watch! you all were late and sorry, hav to minus marks!" what will she gain for her determination? she juz wont help us~

okay~ let say is our fault. It could be easy to help us juz cancel our name rite?

fine~ fine~ it's alright~ juz minus 0.25 marks anyway~

Until i got bac home n checked thru net, i discovered that we had been minus 2 marks!!!
HELLO! 2　ＭＡＲＫＳ！！！！

it gonna take another 4 hours take part the experiments only we can gain bac the 2 marks!!!!

you can choose to be devil or angel~ you can juz offer ur help and the appreciation you get will makes ur day good bcoz u did a good thing. but you can juz ignore to help and wat you deserve is all critiques and even bad words. It is all depends on you~

If we hav no reasons, i wont be so pissed off~

aiks~

anyway, wish me luck~ for my presentation 2ml~

~Tuna Egg~

When the time i opened my eyes, i had decided, let yesterday, stay in there~

I wan my day becomes good day, no more bad days is a little promise i made for myself~

Everything is going to be alright~ isnt it?

Well, yday, had a stupid quarrel wif the king of my house~ Juz becoz of small little tiny thing~ Time was juz not right, i couldnt endure like wat i always did~ It was reached my limit~ Just the same like volcano poured out molten rock~ Had u seen b4? i bet u did~ No matter gals or guys always did tat~ Bcoz human juz equals with emotional animal~

I had gone thru plenty of bad days tat i wish i never been~ Coz is hurt, really hurt.....

Im not tat tough tat u think, Im only human~ AND, im a gal~ Plz dun forget this fact~

Well, well, well....

it's gonna b okay~

I cooked myself yummy tuna egg with bread, it did brighten up my day~

No more bad days, k?

For this moment, i dun believe in fate~ I believe, i can change, with my own hands~

I do hav a brain!!!!

~I feel myself~

Sometimes there is juz a chance, or juz a mission, when u do it, u feel it~

Feel what? Me, myself~

Recently, i was taking part in publicity team of Chap Goh Mei Celebration which organized by Chinese Culture Society~ My fren Turtly, put a lot of efforts in tat~

Yday, It's quite a sudden, i gonna take part in almost every performances~ Singing, cross talk (xiang sheng) n oso the fashion show~

How long tat i never go on stage? it's quite a pretty long time~ but i miss, miss the stage, so so much~

I did all my very best, n i had fun, it's quite enjoyable with a big throng of frenz~

I realized something tat i never discover in almost 20 years~ Haha~ i never know, tat i can do quite well in fashion roadshow~ Hahaha....thx to give me the chance~

Well~ well~ well~ i lost my voice today~ At nite, i going to perform already...so i doubting, am i able to do the best? i wondering~

~Sorry, means nothing~

Busy Busy BUsy!!!!!!!

yeah...im busy!!!! it might be true, but deep inside my heart telling me, that's juz an excuse!!!

watever~ i dun wanna care tat much~ y must i thinking everything in details? y must i care bout everything? y i put weight on mine shoulder by my hands? y i take everything as my own responsibility?

I feel stupid, i feel cheated!!!!

It juz a small matter until i cant tell, coz u most probably think tat's nothing! juz a small tiny prob! but it meant to me~ really~

I juz wanna b polite, i thought i jz did the right things as a fren, but i think it was too much~

okay, i deserved it~

watever it may be.....for me, for now, sorry, means nothing to me~

~Lie, in Valentines~

Happy Valentines....& Happy Chinese New year...

yeah yeah, today is Valentines, but just a very normal day for me~ It's gonna be the same, for 20 years.....haha~

well, this cny, not really good~ is lik sick festival during tis cny, included me myself~ but recovering...^^v....take gd care everyone~~

Sometimes, thing wil jz get complicated~ I feel so guilty, when telling lies, even though it is harmless n i juz wanna to be polite~ J said is not my fault, but wat i feel is like, it is my fault~ *contradicted*

I juz dislike ask myself to do something tat i hate~

watever it maybe, i apologize.......

today, again, i feel bad, when i feel ur selfishness~ i trying to give many reasons for wat u did, i believe tat u wont be lik tat...but no matter how hard i try, wat happened, is happened~ It is hurt, really hurt~

yeah, i should treat myself better....

anyway.....

hav a nice day everyone~