Don't Speak

A song, from Gwen Stefani, when she was still in the group of No-Doubt ...
I can't recall back when's my first time listened to this song,
but I know, is a long long time ago.

Song is always telling the truth, or so to speak,
it's created by the human being anyway.



I woke up, from a nightmare.
This is not the rare case,
when I've been labeled as a human who thinks a lot.

and this song, keep playing, inside my mind, again and again.

I never really deny the judgment of human-who-thinks-a-lot,
somehow, I know,
I am, kind of ...



Doesn't really matter ... Everyone has the unique way to live ...




Taking a deep breath, and guess there's something no need to be explained.

and when things happened again and again,
too much consumption of energy or mentally stress out,
I would rather just stop thinking and simply make a decision.


Say is always easier than take an action.



Don't tell me, cause it hurts ..
I know what you're thinking ..





Uncertainties .. never come to the end.
But it couldn't be forever ...

Guess, It's time, to be someone, who takes the initiative..



It's always not easy ...
but can I just ,
don't speak, and you get it?

Summer's Rain

Woke up in the Summer's morning
Get dressed and the colourful sandals
It's supposed a sunny day
but it starts to rain once I step out from the flat

I didn't bring the umbrella with me
because it's not supposed to be rainy
It's summer ...
Oh Summer's rain!

Drinking a large cup of sugarless coffee
Thanks David finally see me
He left and the works are accompanying me
Sitting at the corner and
Staring at the running crowd
who trying hard to get a shelter

No one is ready,
for the Summer's rain
Nobody is expecting,
the unpredictable raining

Weather ...
Just like women,
oh ...
so unpredictable
oh ...
it's not supposed to



Summer's wet;
Summer's dress;
Summer's thoughts.

Nothing,
is predictable.



Like,

Summer's Rain

No, Turning Back

Taking a deep deep breath.
Once I opened my eyes in Thursday morning, and realised tomorrow is already Friday.
Isn't a day that excited me.
Surprisingly, is a rare case.
My heart is beating fast, I'm feeling uneasy and just, don't feel right.

I have to do something else to distract me a little.
Just a weird feeling that I couldn't put them in words.

Listening to Jack Savoretti again, then John Mayer, then The Fray.

I hope, music can make me calmer.

I have to find out what's going wrong.



If there's a song can make me calm
I won't feel unease and you will come
I would rather sing than crying
Like the whole world is taking care of me

if taking a deep breath works on me
I need stronger wind to give me the intensity
and I will have the courage to save me
which is make myself disappear

I would rather go away than staying
Sick of the comfort zone and do nothing
I need a life which makes me whole
One day, I will stop trying

Summer's thoughts

It's Summer now!
Yea.. It's summer!

It's funny when I feel home and I can start wearing like what I used to wear in M'sia.
Somehow, I came to realise I don't use to wear them anymore!
Weirdo I am.
and again, I came here for almost 9 months and get slightly fairer and now I just used one day to get tanned again! =p ... It's so hard to avoid and sun is alluring.

I still feel like I'm in the holiday, but too bad, I have to start busy again, then have 2 weeks break and spend time with my sisters, then I will be real busy again till end of August....

Being a fighter is always not easy but that's life, I can't skip it so I go through it.

Still not quite sure what are the options for my future roads, and I want myself to be more patient and one day, which is very soon, I will know. I will know....

Back from Germany, it's already the fifth nights without him.
I'm not counting but somehow it comes to my mind.

We will be fine, he said.
So I remember it.




Most of us have foolish ideas about who we are and many, many rigid rules about how life ought to be lived. This is so true, isn't it?

Life is always filled with infinity...



----------------------------------------------------

Life is really very simple, what we give out, we get back.
What about this?

~Harder than Easy~

This song, keep repeating~
A song, by Jack Savoretti.

Yeah, the mode of Acoustic.
So I closed my eyes, and listening to the rhythms.

and I was in the world of peace.

It's not that hurt as I used to, when the shadow of you appeared in my dreams.
Again.

I always forced myself to wake up from the dreams, you're not worth to be in my dreams.

Truth, is always something hurtful.
and especially that's not the things you'd expected.

Or I should say, having an expectation, is the mistake that I had made.

I'm actually hate you, when I discovered that you're hanging me with the strings and I was the puppet. I dont event have the right to control, to control my own actions. You were there leading me all the way and left me all alone in the deadend and never say goodbye.

and so after weeks or months, I came to realise that I was the only puppet.

It's easy to breath, It's easy to speak, It's easy to see.
but there're things, harder than easy.


Even I'm listening a song that singing of my feelings,
that's a strong feeling that I would like to demolish.

But this time, I stopped myself for asking whoever the Why questions.

Why that I'd been chosen? Why I met a worst ever person in the world?
Why am I still thinking of the devil? Why I'm still writing about you?




So I stopped, and trying hard to persuade my mind, to stop.




I just want you to sing me a love song, for the one last chance.





Is that harder than easy, too?

~Signal Off~

It's the first day of Chinese New Year of Tiger and yeah, the very first time I celebrate cny in London.

Far away from home seems like something depressive, but that's okay.
Received a call from family early in the morning yesterday and friend's dad was here to celebrate cny with his dearly son.

How lovely is that! and we get to tumpang the happiness by sharing the yummilicious cny biscuits all the way from Malaysia!

and yes, the ang pao! I thought I will never get the ang pao for this year! But surprisingly, wow! wow! ... Thanks Chris and Uncle! :)

We did have a reunion dinner yesterday, with my lovely girls and whole gang of Malaysian friends. A very DIY cny coz many things we need to do it by ourselves if we wanted to eat. and yeah, all the nice food and steamboat! Just we never get to finish all of them!

Drank few Mojito and few shots of Jagermeister!
Not that bad, just everyone was getting a little bit crazy with the drunkenness!
Luckily I'm not included.

People sometimes are crazy but with the alcohol effects, we get to see another faces of someone.

We had fun!

Other than the truth that I just realised.

Is all the guy the same?
I hope someone tell me it's not!
I need someone to tell me it is not!
if not, how could I still believe in any guy?

I'm not quite sure but I stopped to listen and I stopped imagining he told everybody.

and how could I still thinking of someone who're not deserved to?


So it's okay!
Again, that's always a factor to cause me to remain silence.
and I will never talk again.


Never ...


another 3 years?

I am the one who caused this cycle, and it never stops happen, no matter how hard I tried to change.




I'm moving on my life again with the signal off.
and remain, all alone in the journey.




it's hardly to make me believe, once again....

An hour...

An hour difference ...
only ...

but the distance, clearly state the relationship between two strangers.

At least I'm trying ... trying to be not go beyond the limit.

No one set the boundaries but me.

Sometimes, that's better.

You want something positive? Normally I don't. Not that I'm a pessimistic, but I'm trying not to wear the mask when I get really tired of it. Even one i'm going to face with someone that I truly want to just be myself?

I'm positive most of the time, but you never see.



so What's wrong?




Trying hard to not bump into you randomly and trying hard not to say hello and trying hard not to take initiative and...

trying hard not to miss you!


Damn it! ....






Just, an hour difference.

American Style of Love?

Great that no one is gonna read this blog ever, since it's been abandoned by the owner for quite a long while.

I thought the beginning of this new year, I made it awesome.

While I was looking at the fireworks, that's one thing I promised to myself.
At the moment I kissed, that's the end.
New Year...New start....New hope....New Love!

But I don't get it, since the conversations few days after the night.
I'm avoiding and he's ignoring.
I never get to know what's in his mind, but I get it.
Completely......


Somehow, for some reasons, It's not fair...


Curiousity kills the cat,
so I never ask, and I'm doing good in controlling myself.

No one was dare enough to rise up the topic again, No one!

and I think that's better, for us.


Pretend like nothing happened,

just like when Nate had no one to talk to and find Fanessa, after he got everything he wants, that's all!

Pretend like nothing happened, ever~



Can't you imagine how stupid?

but how could I?
How could I ...


I wish I could stop The Moffats continue singing I miss you like crazy....




but I failed ...






I just hate to see that I really miss you!
and I know better than no one...
that's pretty stupid...


so I'm the idiot that your mum warned you about...











Watching "Gossip Girl" this holiday wasn't a good idea, ever~