~It's time...~

yeah, here again~

well, everyone has their own future, n wat about mine? i think, it's time to think....think deeply about my future~

i dun even realize that, it is time~

yday, the person in charge of University South Australia paid a visit to my college and so there was a chance given for those student who would lik to study there to ask her plenty of questions. so i was there~

my mind start to imagine....all the stuff about the decision will be made.....

watever the decision will be...i wan to change my life....i wan to have some different....i dun wan to disappoint anyone who love me....i dun wan to miss the chance......

i hate to compare, i hate to make a decision which i will never regret....

but it's hard....so hard........

~Differences~

when a person in a bad mood or not enough sleep, normally they will act extremely different~ tat's wat i found, in me~

watever, there are many differences in our lives.....different ppl, different brain, different thought, different reaction......bla....bla.....bla......we cant expect anything of these....it's hard to predict......

recently, i dunno y do i so mind...when someone keep reminding bout how different am i with other girls....well, i wonder.....i dun think tat there are two different people who totally the same.....everyone has their unique, isnt it? so it's tat my fault?

i dun care how different am i~ but someone made me wonder~ do they have a brain as well?

i do hav a brain, n a heart~ i might look like a tough gal, but yet, im stil a gal~ dun think tat i dun mind~

mayb it's different, but i stil da same~

~y is tat so hard?~

why is tat so hard for me to take everything easy?

it's a long night for me...really long night~ n i wonder why~

is tat really hard for someone living their days all alone? i hate to find no one to talk to sometimes~ no one will be so kind wasting their precious lifetime juz listen to my making sense theories... they are not anyone of me, n it really made me ympathize myself~ am i really tat pity gal?

i get used to it, din i? n so y is tat so hard for me?

it's okay, isnt it?

i strong enough and so do not need to share every little thing to anyone~ i can juz keep it to myself~

dun looking at me as u think~ im not naked, n i hav a brain~

~Caffein...~

have u tried tat u do something without go thru you brain? or say something juz slip out your tongue? recently, i always~ n i dunno why~

yday, i was chatting with my fren, n he mentioned bout coffee~ he reminded me, how long tat i din drink coffee? it's really long long ago~ without think twice, i went into kitchen n get a pack of 3 In 1 Hazelnut White Coffee~ boiled the water and after few minutes the coffee was served~ it's really a nice taste, n i really like it~ n the time i sipped and finished the coffee~ i regretted~

i realized, i stil da same old me, i thought, i was changed...but i din~ i stil the same~

y am i so careless? y am i never care bout myself? can i forgive this mistake? ya, of coz, juz a little small mistake i did, but wat made me such a bad feeling? juz a little phobia~

i had forgotten my mum warning me not to drink a cup of coffee all by myself, coz im not able to do so~ the consequences after i drink it, i wil only get nausea, dizzy and feeling not well~ again, i suffering with all these for my whole night~ i deserved it~

it's been a long time i suffered with health problems~ when can i stop it?

~Why...~

here i am again~ n plz dun expect im going to share ady happy fairytales~ i do not hav any~ n normally when i came here, most probably all bout my feelings n emotions~ sorry, if i disappointed u~

everyone has their diff style for blogging~ i do hav my own style as well~ if u wan to critique or watever, ur business~ me express myself, is mine business~ do i juz mind my own business~

dunno y, juz dunno y, very weird but stupid feeling existed again~ which i hate it, really hate it~

evening, suddenly wan to find some pic n so i opened my folders, n i found, alot of memorable pics~ for anyone who had taken pic with me, must be my frenz~ here is my theory~ some, stil hanging around with me, but some, none~ diff categories tat i can categorize with the levels of keeping in touch with me, there are always, sometimes, seldom, rarely and even none~

i juz feel uncomfortable n upset~ everybody is changing, even me myself~ we used to be so close to each other, but y there is no more for now?

i can do something for it, i suppose, but i juz din do anything n standing at the same place~ everyone is moving n where am i? the feeling is so hurt~ deeply~ but i understand~

i understand tat everyone has diff life, diff stories in every single day, diff ppl they met, diff things they experienced with.....all juz so different~ n mine diff with them as well~ nothing tat i can do to change it~ even if i try hard to change, there is no point anymore~ really~

am i able to cope it? i need time~ the more tat i can hav~

~I'd been awaken when September was ended~

for almost 19 years, i still cant figure out, why, time passed so fast n yet no one can slow it down~ i wan to stop it if i can, but i know, it's impossible~

so now, another new month begin~ It's October~ i dunno y, y it is so hard for me to believe today is the 2nd day of the 10th month~ 2007, almost end~ n im getting old~

i din mean to be so pessimistic, but juz wat my true feeling~ complicated feeling~ trying to simplify it~ if u can help?

finally finished my essay for PSY103, i din know y i used so much time to complete it~ anyway, i still done one of my missions~ yeah, juz one of it~

yday b4 i went to bed, i watched one of the episodes of Grey Anatomy 1st season~ finally i finished downloaded it, so i watch it~ juz first episode, i thx god tat im not a medical students so im not a doctor-to-be~ it will be a nightmare for me, i can assure this~ really proud of my best buddies, who studying medical one in Russia n one in Indonesia~ 2 little poor girls, no, i cant call them lik tat anymore. they stronger than any others~ Doctor, wat a mighty ambition which not everyone can afford to~

i used to dream to be a doctor when i was a St.John member~ it's feel great when i succeeded to stop the bleeding~ it's feel great when someone say thx to u~ it's really great, but i din know since when, i got blood phobia~

but i think the most toughest to be a doctor is when face the life n death~ how r u going to tel patients' family that their love one is passed away? how r u going to handle if someone in front of u struggling to survive but yet a long beep sound show tat he was failed n died?

i start to worry, since now im a psychology student, am i able to control my emotions n feelings? if someone tel me their prob, i need to be tough to let them rely on me, but how if i cry with them? if someone i has counseled b4 end up with suicide? arh... watever, juz watever~

stop to think too much~

i cant handle it now but mayb in the future, i can~ no one knows wat going to happen in the next second~ will b alright~ it's okay~