~when dreamz become real~

well, i think, my dreamz, wanted to tell me something, or given me some clue wat's going to happen~ my intuition, seemed accurate~

everything juz happened, which im not able to control, so i feel really helpless~ i tried my best to tolerate that everything i can, but i stil cant stop myself asking myself :"y me?"

everything he did, obviously shown tat he never trust me~ i tot we r best frenz, i told him everything, all my problems, i tot, even he cant helped me but at least he listen to me, then tat's enuff~ but y, he is the one who know my problem then build a wall there to worsen my problem? what a fool me never realize the trap~~~my fault, to not to be a wiser~

i dunno how im going to face all these, but i know, i hav the ability, even im not, but i hav no choice, i hav to face it~ but this time, i choose to be more selfish, to be more firm, i hav to protect my own benifits~ i think of others, i care of wat they wil feel if i do this do that, but he never think bout me, then wat's the point if i juz keep quiet n let him do everything he likes? is not fair for me~ really, not fair~ i treat him as my fren, then? he treat me as somebody who can easily gain benefits n take me for granted~

i have the patience, to c how the problems will be solve, i can endure wat he did, but, there is a limit~ which wil explode in unknown time~ but i hope, we can go thru all these, without hurt anyone of us~ im not tat cruel, i dun wan hurt anyone, but i juz hav no choice~

everything going to be okay, as long as i believe it will~

we should keep some distance, at least, i would never c the face underneath ur mask, which is, really scare me~ but giv me sometime to accept ur real self, juz give me some time~

~Saturday's morning~

everyone in this house still sleeping, except me~

i wonder, am i get haunted? haha~ dream again~

okok, i shouldnt think tat much, juz dreamz, so wat?

chatting with my fren, a net fren who i never meet up, we have been chatting for 3 years long i think, but we juz able to chat about any topics~ i wonder, even when we meet up on the road someday, coincidently, i think , we juz treat each other as a stranger~ yeah, a stranger who i share my life to~

well, tis morning, i juz become so pessimistic, juz for this short moment i think, so plz dun forbid me~ im thinking, asking my heart, wat i really want in my life?

~i dream~

kind of weird thing, recently, my dreams, just so weird....

i juz feel so helpless, i shouted, i screamed, i tot my screaming loud enuff even whole world can hear me, but no one, not even one come n save me~

yeah, u wil juz say, no worries, juz dreamz~

but it makes me thinking~ y the dreamz made me so restless? Freud said, every dream means something, which under our consciousness, is tat means tat i feel helpless in reality?

okay, i think, i juz think too much~

everything going to be okay~ as long as i believe tat's nothing~

~Today @ SMK La Salle PJ~

recently, i joining a society, ARCADE~ today, as a volunteer, i was running a program, which we called it School Mobilization to promote the Mentoring Malaysia, so we went to SMK La Salle PJ.

we went there by HELP bus, when we reached there, every students there were looking at us in the strange way. when we went inside the hall, we realized i was going to bath in sweating....it was a really hot weather!

soon after tat, students came into the hall, seniors told us to talk to them, but i just couldnt say anything but i tried. honestly, i started to feel nervous.

then, it's time to get into the group, every volunteer had to lead 10 or more students. fortunately, it's not that hard to find 10 students for me tat time with tat situation. then soon we start the ice breaker...it's not easy to remember all their names at the first place, but after playing the Group Juggling, then only i able to remember their names.

to be honest, i was a bit nervous at the beginning, but luckily, i was just so glad to have them. everything gone smooth after that.

for the next activity, which is team building exercise. i almost forgot tat we're not allowed to speak in human language. after few minutes only i remember, so we started communicate in animal sound. my group really did a good job, coz they really tried their best not to speak any human language! even me, oso talked in animal sound, until one of the mentors told me tat i was allowed to speak in human language! haha~ they did not have any good idea to build the tallest building, but they tried. everyone of them, did something. it's glad that everyone was putting their effort and so it shown that they really think bout it. the most important thing which made me feel so touched was, they never give up. anyway, they still couldnt believe that the buiding can score 8.0 marks.

after tat activity, they cleaned the place~ they like to talk, but it seemed that they know the rules as well. then the next activity, The Face of Todays Teens.....

here was the interesting part. they really discuss bout the issue, they made fun, but serious sometimes. everyone of them like to draw.one thing that surprised me is, one of them said is really suffering when thinking of someone. haha~ few of them really facing girl friends problem. even they said, "no phone will cry, no girls will die"...made me speechless....haha~ some of them said, their parents not allow them to own a mobile phone.tat's really make them upset. then only they come to studies~ more or less there were the problems they think their facing.

happy moments r always so short. so soon come to the ending. one of them asked me, "will u come here again?", i said, "i hope i will, y?"....they said, "coz i wan to c u again...."
tis really almost make me cry, but i din.really touched....i love them so much ... really glad that met with them. i saw many things from them. this experience not only have fun , but i had learnt many things.

~Not easy...~

know wat, i din update blog here for a long time, coz i forgot the username for blogger, tried many times but failed, so i juz gave up....until juz now, i dun even know how i could get into it. so here i am....

so how's my life? a bit sucks tat i can say....but juz a bit, overall still not bad.....

i moved to a new place, i left the house which i rent for a year long n came to a new condo, facilities here is awesome, swimming pool. gym, indoor badminton court, cafe....even flea market is holding here every weekends~ now, staying with my best buddies, we cook every nite....sound wonderful, rite? but nothing in this world is perfect....tat's all i can say....

recently, i really facing with financial problem....sometimes i juz wonder, am i made a wrong decision? realized something which i never expect....tat's really make me so frustrated. i will still b the same anyhow, but i wil limit myself....not allow myself spend more money to useless thingy.....a good opportunity for me to learn....yeah....it's time....

then, lotz of homework waiting for me....

so gotta stop here....

take care everyone, take care....myself....^^