~No more bad lucks...plz~

it's been a long time i din updated my blog here~

it's so hard for me to describe my life recently....

i dunno wat wrong with me, but im sure, devil is always with me~ n caused all the bad things happened on me~

i wonder how could it happened? so unfair~

watever, i keep telling myself, take all these as my challenges~ wil b alright~ wil b alright~

at least, there is someone, always support me~

~I need a break~

is tat insane to ask for more time given? i wonder.... but i really need more time~

assignments due date all pack together, everytime i look at the calendar with colourful marks with diff colour highlight pens. i feel stress~

it's enuff, i wan to shout tis out loud~ by the time i wan to shout, scream hardly as i can, my mind think deeply, can i really blame on time but not me? im the one who feel lazy sometimes, i was the one who delayed the works. so all were my fault~ aiks.....

now at home, so of coz wat i feel juz home sweet home~ i wan to hav a short break, but y i stil keep myself sitting in front of the comp n staring at the screen? it hurts my eyes, and my back~

okay, i keep telling msysel, i stil hav time~ no matter how i mourn or how i blame, the clock stil ticking round n round~ so im gotta do something, for no regret~

~Famine 30++ hour....~

Sunday, it's really an unforgettable day for me~ but not only becoz of i went tis camp.......

well, it's really great experience to join this 30 hour famine camp....As a volunteer and chose to be a group leader~ it was my first time to join this camp, n gonna b a leader, totally not an easy task...but it's challenging~

the more details and photos, plz visit www.wretch.cc/blog/abbytan~

n so right after the camp, when i on my way bac....i lost my wallet.......!!!!

yeah, sad thing.....i need few more days to accpet the truth thoroughly~ many things i need to be done~ aiks......

wil b alright i think~ wil b okay~ thx to everyone....to be with me~

~I need some rest n giv me a silence nite~

these few days, something goes wrong with me~ i feel it, but i cant say it~

i know tat im not the only one, among all of us, who is the one has the problem? or all of us? i wonder...~

it was irritable, when my ears cant bear the noises~ every single word went inside my ears was hurtful~ y i bear it in mind? it's not good for my health n soul...not good, yeah....it's not good~

im trying to simplify all complicated stuffs, n remind myself tat's nothing~

i hate the feeling of uncertainty~no matter wat i doing, wat i thinking, the clock still running, the days gone day by day, n i hav no time to complete my works, but the calendar on my desk keep reminding me how many days i left, the feeling is juz lik im waiting for devil to bring me go far far away, there is place, call hell~

can i juz stop it? stop everything....stop the earth turning round n round....~ juz, plz stop~

watever, i gotta rest a while..n refresh my mind~

2ml im going to 30 hour famine, as a group leader, i know tat is a challenge for me~ juz hope everything goes smoothly....everything will b alright~

so plz giv me a silent nite~

~Yesterday, 911~

do u still remember? 11th of September....a day, a history, a legend and a gal, a fren, came from a paradise....

911, was a terror, but it doesnt affect me much, coz in this day, all my frenz n family still with me~

but 911, is a day, i wil never forget~ it's a special day, of my best fren now in heaven~ she is my angel~

My angel, i sent u a letter, i'd written down all i wan to say, plz make sure, u read it~

Happy Birthday, Heng Yee~

i miss u so much~ as i promised u years before, when i think of u, i din cry, but i smile~ i did it~ it wont be sad anymore after u left me for years, but i do miss u, really miss~

always take gd care, okay? stay cute~

luv ya~

~Not now....~

yeah..got cha~

2day, i heard tis word for few times....the MCs really talked a lot but they were funny~ ^^

yeah, i went to the training of 30 hour famine for volunteers at Bukit Jalil~ everything was okay, until i fell down on da floor n sprained my right leg....then met a guy which i kinda scare of when the training came to the end...everything seemed wrong...til now~

i dunno whether i should say something at this moment....i dun think i should, if not, i wil regret for whole of my life~

i know me well, i cant think positively when i feeling not well, feeling not uncomfortable....there r something tat we should or shouldnt say.....but it's hard to decide n differentiate~ i need to be alone~ i need to rest my mind n my physical body~

it's my fault, i know it longer than everyone else... n everything i did something without go thru my mind, i do feel bad n guilty~ it's enuff to feel tat way.... really enuff~ i wil hate myself even more~ it's right to voice out from our heart.... i understand....~

watever, juz watever.... it's not important at all~ i had decided, then y i stil make it complicated? it din serve any purpose~

sorry, i lost the only way to voice out~ i think, it's al my fault~ i shouldnt, from the very beginning...........~

~I think i....~

It's been a long time i din feel this way...well, how long? i dun even know how many years....

i hate tis feeling, although it feels good sometimes...coz i was lost n nervous...i dunno wat i should or shouldnt do...even care bout my every step....am i walk in proper way? haha....watever.....tat moment, i care bout wat other think bout me~

i do believe in fate, wat we called in chinese is 'Yuan'....i always believe tat, tat's the thing why two diff ppl can meet each other, why we have frenz, y we have our family members, n why we find a life partner.....there r not only 2 ppl exist in a whole world, it's fate bring us together......do u agree? or do u hav any more scientific theory to explain this? plz tel me.....

since i shifted to here, everyday i gotta take lrt n bus, the more ppl i wil c exp when i hav morning class which is the peak time for always every public transportations...i like to observe, i like to c diff ppl in diff behaviors....but the journey is tiring, esp when met the unfriendly stranger or driver....ok, come to my point, so all these ppl who had taken the same train or same bus with me, once n several times or always, is tat means tat tis is fate? i wonder......haha~

watever, today, not really a good day for me....my foot was get hurt....pain!!!!

~September...~

~wake me up...when september end.....~

is a song which is so familiar n when now, we are in september....so everybody sing......*wake me up....when september end.............*

early in da morning.....everyone woke up juz to sign up for tutorial groups~ yeah, tis is Malaysian culture, we r all kiasu ppl, included myself of coz...everyone scare cant get the group we wan~ tat's the nature of human~

yeah, nature of human...recently i keep thinking bout tis.....nature of human~

since we said tat certain attitude r nature of human, then is tat means tat even something offensive we can juz consider it as nature of human?

tat's the only reason i can accept......tis nature of human, is self-centered~

i shouldnt think tat much, i know tat.....but how if i was hurt bcoz im the one who always been offended? i was trying tat i dun care, make joke with it n pretend tat's okay for me~ but i juz dun und y they din think twice b4 they speak?

i talk less these few days, at college, at home.....i more prefer when im alone, at least i can watever i wan to....i did mean i tend to isolate myself, but juz for a short while, i can talk to myself n tel myself, everything is okay~

tat's the way i live.....

okay, it's time to start hardworking.....i tel myself, i wil juz try all my best.....n hopefully it wont be so tough for me~ God bless me....plz.....

~Nite @ Feeling~

well, it was a nite, with feelings~ but well, juz simple feelings~

how many days had been gone n yet im stil da same old me with the same emotions + feelings n plus the expressions which totally againts my true feelings?

should b stop, i need to stop~

so i decided, leave the place for a while where i no longer bear it, juz one nite, n tat's enuff~

no one's fault, but me~ i know it clearer than any others~

i went to Feeling cafe, i ordered the food without considering the price lik wat i used to~ n so i feel nice~ sorry, mum, i spent money without think twice~

everything going to b alright~ im sure~

i walked out from the shadow, no more struggling whether i should apologize or shouldnt i~ yeah...im not allow myself to slow down my footstep~ i hav to go on, there is a long way.....long long way~