~Is not really hurt, although is still hurting~

I tot i had stated it clearly, I tot that was obvious enough~

but i realized tat dun always tot about wat wat wat, but hav to think!!!

I din blame anyone gave me a lot of judgement, coz i caused all these~

I should say it directly, I should say it faster or even from the early beginning~

Again, no one to blame, but me~

Sometimes, there is always so much of uncertainty tat bothering me~

It made me do nothing in my further plan but stuck on it~ tat's really wat i hate the most~ i hate waiting for nothing~ I hate that I lied for nothing, too~ Dont u think it is understandable?

When there were too much changes tat i cant juz accept n nob my head.....i found myself hav the prob dealing with changes~

I juz wan to talk bout it~ talk everything tat i keeping in my heart~ I juz wan to find a way out~ BUt i guess the timing is not rite....so it led to misunderstand~

It's okay~ I juz hav no idea...y I still feeling hurts~

To be mature, is a lesson that everyone should learn all the time~ Even u r stepping into 20~ but the age doesnt mean tat u mature enough to handle everything which may happen or is already happening~ Our brain, will stil stuck in somewhere sometime~

~If I die...~

The moments in the kitchen still flashing in my mind~

I was thinking, if i juz die, dun cry for me~~~

Well, sometimes accident did happen....without giving u any sign~

I wondered how lucky I was...Juz one step different, I'd saved my life~

If the time the fire and the boiling water come to me, n burn my body...

I wont be here n typing telling wat had happened on me here~

So i do appreciate...but i was shocked, scared.......even now, still in unstable condition, with a bit hand shaking~

there r always a lot of assumptions my brain has making automatically, how if I kena burn n no one there since im all alone in this 'haunted' house? how if I cant even scream coz no one able to get into this house n offer their help? Am i able to save myself? all da way to upstair and call someone to help? All bout Home Alone!!! And I was suspicious....on my own~

I told my best fren thru msn....dun cry for me, if i die one day~

I get no response~ Mayb she was thinking how she going to response~

I know im stupid enough to say tat~ But tat's wat im thinking all the time~




Sometimes, i doubt in me~ I doubt, in everything~

~I can't blame~

There are plenty of times i tried to sort things out~ Since when I found it so hard to say something out, something from the bottom of my heart? ~

I can't blame that i have no one to listen to me, coz it's not the case~

It juz my prob, failing again and again~

Every things linking to each other and caused the now me~

I still remember the call right after i stepped out from the building after my 2nd paper exam~

I heard the worries~ But i do nothing and im not able to add in or say out the worries i feel~ It will only make things worst~ So, i keep it to me~ Dunno wat is the stupid disease bothering my dear sis~ Praying hard for her, will be alright~ Im sure~ Coz my sis is a super duper good people who i love so so much~

Especially talking with my mum~ I strongly feel wan to go bac home~ I juz miss home~ I have to be with them even though i do nothing for help~

Recently, all the stress juz come to me altogether!!! i tot im able to handle it, but somehow the emotional unstable on me proved before i speak~ I trying to be okay, be strong~ This period, is tough for everyone~ If im become one of the weak one, where is the balance that we should seek with?

I had a great moment in genting today~ enjoyed and had fun~ but somehow, there were times tat i feel wanted to cry~ when my dearest hugging me, when i feel the mist on the air.....today, is not a good day~ when i also experienced all the things tat happened which made me feel so insecure~

I hate everything but so helpless tat i cant change anything~

thing juz easy and im the only one who complicate and mess up everything~

Juz give me a breath~ when i realize, i strongly feel wan to cry but my tears juz not willing to come out~

somehow, i cant blame~

~I HATE everything, @ tis moment~

ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I juz want to scream, i hope i can scream~

Dunno wat's wrong with me again~ Is already the second time in today~~~~~

I woke up early but stuck half way n somebody and something made me felt wrong and i juz cant help it~ I stand up and wanted to calm myself down~ I feel like throwing thing but i cant~ i know i hav to control myself~

I juz hate~ Hate everything i do, everything i see, everything i hear, everything~
JUST EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!! if now, u wil get ur head chop off!!!!!

I hate...................me~ I hate to be compared and realized that i never really did well~

FINE~~~~~~~

JUZ FINE~~~~~~~~~

~6 o'clock in the morning~

yeah~ It's 6am~

I have to get away from my bed, even though still wearing the pyjamas, with half open eyes~

*YAWN*

Im tired~ But i found that i have no time!!!

ColourWolf once told me that his taekwando master said, "only dead people have no time!"

How true is it, but then, the conclusion i have is, I AM DEAD PEOPLE!!!

oh my gosh~

Tat's stg bad, real bad~

Anything la!!! I juz try my best to fight~

Am i able to do it? even me myself, asking bout it coz im doubting~

OKAY~ FINE~

~Dont complicated~

Well, this Sunday, is a bit different~

I cleaned all my stuff once i got off from my bed early in the morning and i made myself a cup of chocolate milk~

Yeah, I love it, so much~ Everything i did had brighten up my whole day, i hope~

I just heard a song, 'I'm Yours' by Jason Martz

Part of the lyric is touching my heart, deeply~

So i wan to share it with you all~

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
Ah, la peaceful melodys
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love love

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Is so true, dont u agree with it?

Our time, is so short~ why messed up everything and bothered every single details?

Anyway, i still learning, take thing easy, n remind myself, no pain, no gain~

Everything is going to be okay~
Im sure~

~Just giv me silence peace, so hard?~

Since when, I found that i was lost in the middle road and strongly feel to give up~

It's been a long time, i never feel so stress until i feel like want to cry....

I thought i can handle the stress quite well.....but i think im wrong~

This semester, really sucks~

Next week is already my final, i still have one quiz tomorrow and another one which worth 15% quiz in next monday. and next Wed i have one final exam paper, but Friday there is one presentation waiting for me and also the assignment due date.......

It's driving me crazy~ Damn so crazy~

I cant even concentrate on every single thing....

I wan to aim higher but i juz couldnt~

I still wanna go study oversea but the requirements scared me. Here, another pressure that comes to me.

I just need a moment which is relax with silence peace.....but the stupid bloody construction in front of my house.....woke me up at 8am every morning!!!!! i cant even take my nap!!! Air and sound polluted.....I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

really hate!!!

I endure it for almost whole semester......u tortured me for whole semester!!!!!!!!!!!

OH MY GOSH!!!!

u made me hate to stay at home!!!!!!!!!!!

okay~....

it's driving me crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~Decision to make~

I thought i can jz cover my eyes and go through this, which i thought will be best to spend my holiday~

but there is always something existed and forcing me to compare the pros and cons, even compare, which is worth to do it.

i asked, y i always get into these situations, my fren said, my personality does play a role. Oh, really? my personality caused all these? Perhaps. i took some times to wonder bout tis~

the indecisive of me, make me search for confirmation from others, from someone i trusted and know me well.

no matter how, at least, i had made up my mind, and i hope, i had made a right decision with no regrets. i appreciated everyone who were there and giving me opinions patiently. I really hope.........